The short recap: Lilly annoys. Asa mouths wow and Mike smiles pretty. Mean girls Asa and Reza attack GG and MJ. Asa mouths wow and Mike smiles pretty. Reza pouts when he doesn't get enough attention. Asa mouths wow and Mike smiles pretty. I pretend Lilly's hair and boobs form an alliance to take down Asa and Reza.
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Focus #1 – Lilly Brings Proof
Fans want to know why Lilly hates "fat people" and "poor people" so much. Lilly insists that she's friends with people from all walks of life, adding, "I don't look down on poor people at all. I don't know why people get the impression that I only like skinny rich people." So, Lilly doesn't look down on poor people, but she still kind of hates fat people. Got it. GG is like, maybe it's because you bragged all season about how you're fabulously rich, to which Lilly says that she never gloats or brags.
We learn that Lilly has earned lifetime rights to crappy boyfriendAli's Black AmEx card because she gave him her virginity. While the Black AmEx is a nice perk, Lilly wants the world to know that she can most certainly support herself. Oh… did somebody say they don't believe… then it's a good thing she brought documents to support her claims. Lilly comes prepared for an audit. She busts out her business statements and car titles, saying, "I can support myself. I don't need to brag to everybody about how much I make. I own a multi-million dollar company that my best friend's rich husband bank rolls."
"I don't need my boyfriend to support me," Lilly adds. "But if I want him to support me, he will." Really, Lilly? So, Ali has been using you for ten years because that's how you wanted it to be?
Lilly thinks it's "pathetic" that she has been "degraded" to defending herself against the vicious "mooches off rich boyfriend" rumors. Lilly is like, I'm fabulous on my own. I don't need to brag – but look at my papers. I'm rich on my own. I don't need to brag – but look at my papers. Ugh. The only paper I care to see is Lilly's Shahs of Sunset pink slip.
Focus #2 – Partying Animal Style
Lilly admits that she came across as uptight in Cabo San Lucas, adding, "Although I'm not going to start drinking, I do want to learn to loosen up a little more, relax a litle, and party a little bit. I'm going to try to let loose."
And, speaking of letting loose, this is when Asa and Reza pretend they're perfect and repeatedly attack MJ with their moral smugness. When MJ insists she never pops pills and only drink socially, Asa says, "MJ needs to face her life. Nobody's perfect but the first step is admitting to yourself what your problem is. It's difficult to watch her. She's most of the time drunk." MJ says Asa is a liar; Asa says MJ is constantly sedated. Reza adds, "Why are we talking about it? Why is nobody fawning over me? MJ is the queen of denial. Let's not focus on how I'm a lousy friend."
Small potatoes Asa keeps it going, saying, "Even in our production, MJ has to be picked up or she won't make it, and she rolls in with her suitcase full of wine." MJ admits that she has a problem… with being on time… and Reza is like, Why are we doing this again? Why aren't we talking about me? (stomps foot on the ground and pouts) I am the star! Me! Me! Me!
Crybaby Reza loses the battle. Once again, Asa accuses MJ of abusing pills. When Mike shares that he hasn't ever seen MJ pop a pill, Reza says, "I've known her for 20 plus years. The pills have always been there. Always." Asa and Reza are horrible people. Horrible.
Focus #3 -Trash Talk
Everyone is guilty, but Bravo focuses on MJ and Lilly. We're reminded that MJ called Lilly a skinny bitch and Lilly joked about giving MJ diet pills for her birthday. MJ says to Lilly, "I did judge you a little sooner than I should have. Your words about me were also hurtful and mean spirited. I apologize for mine." Lilly continues to rant, saying, "MJ's apology is not real. She's acting like she's never said anything about me."
MJ tries again. This time, MJ apologizes to Lilly for implying that she came from the welfare line. MJ admits she spoke out of fear over losing her dear friend Reza. Still, Lilly jabbers on, ignoring any and all apologies.
MJ finally catches Lilly's attention when she makes the mistake of looking down before speaking. Lilly is like, As a lawyer, I know MJ is about to tell a lie because she looks down. Camera cuts to MJ. Lilly says, "Looking down." Camera cuts to MJ. Lilly says, "Looking down." Camera cuts to MJ. Lilly says, "Looking down."
Focus #4 – GG Is Shunned
GG starts, "When "that thing" put her hands on me first…" Asa mouths wow, adding, "I'm far from perfect, but GG is rude and disrespectful." Much like MJ and Lilly, Asa and GG's segment turns into an "I said this because you said that" argument. Are they five years old? Is nobody capable of taking the high road?
When Asa points out that GGtrashed her on Twitter, GG is like, Don't even pretend you never talk sh-t about me! You called me fake in your first blog. Asa says to GG, "Honey, you've forgotten what a f–king natural woman looks like. I'm funky as f–k and that's what you're jealous of." Funky? GG screams, "Jealous of what?!? Cellulite and cottage cheese?" GG goes on to diss Asa's 'blood diamond positive energy" water.
Asa calls GG a hater, adding, "I don't tear the cartilage out of my nose and put in 40 things of extensions. Everything about you is fake." Lilly's ears must be ringing! GG threatens to throw olives in Asa's funky ass face, and I'd by lying if I said I wasn't chanting "DO IT!" at my TV. Asa responds, "Wow," to which GG says, "That's what you say every time someone is right.. wow.. you're whack… wow…"
Seemingly out of the blue, Asa changes the subject to money, saying, "I own my own $4 million house. I pay my own mortgage. (Barely.) I own my own car. (I'd like to see your supporting documents.) You shouldn't ever talk about money." Asa doesn't let GG speak.
When MJ asks why it's okay for Lilly to use Ali's Black AmEx card but it's not okay for GG's parents to financially support her, Reza says, "If MJ is the voice of reason, then you know we're in trouble." Ugh. Words cannot express how much I despise Reza and Asa. The appeal of season one of Shahs of Sunset, when the cast had fun and cared about each other, is beyond lost.
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