Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta things got very serious between Phaedra Parks and Apollo Nida! Apollo has been telling some tales out of school and headmistress caught on to an alleged cheating scandal. I would not cross Miss Parks if I were you, Kenya Moore.
Things naturally begin at a sex swing lesson. Kenya (rocking some leggings so tight I swear they had to be surgically removed and coochie crack was as well as booty crack imminent) has all her faux assets on display as she swings upside down. 'Weeeeeee! I'm gone with the wind fabulous!' she's cheering to herself when Kandi Burruss walks in.
Speaking for the masses, Kandi announces she is over Gone With The Wind Fabulous: "The wind is gone. It's blown away." Amen. Kandi demures participating in sex swinging because she sprained her ankle falling off some heels. The real reason for this meet up is investigative journalism. Kandi wants to know the true nature of Kenya and Apollo's texting. Or was it sexting…
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Kenya walks her ashy feet outside (seriously – she wasn't wearing shoes!) and whips out her phone to show Kandi all the texts dating back months. The only thing Kandi spies that seems suspicious – other than Apollo texting his wife's MORTAL ENEMY – is that Kenya called him "babe". When Kandi asks if they ever met up, Kenya says she doesn't "recall".
Kandi blows her diet to break the results of her sleuthing to Phaedra. Phaedra tells a different story. She claims Kenya who has "whorish tendencies" offered fellatio to Apollo and essentially stalked him. She just so happened to show up at the Beverly Wilshire while Apollo was staying there and propositioned him. Phaedra, who Kandi says is "ride or die" for her husband, claims Apollo kept it in check. Kandi looks dubious.
Phaedra is coming for Kenya - COMING FOR HER. Phaedra refers to Kenya as having a "saggy diaper booty" that Apollo doesn't want and when he wants "scrambled eggs" he heads over to Waffle House. Hmmmmm… Everybody knows when there's smoking booty implants, contacts, and weaves there's a fire in the loins.
Something tells me Kenya is in for a metaphorical Phuneral by Phaedra! Speaking of which, what was that Morticia Addams realness Phaedra was channeling in the interview with that black lace choker? Lady, no…
Cray-Phae isn't the only issue Kenya is dealing with at present moment however - she's staying at the Comfort Inn Extended Stay in the ghetto. Somewhere in the back of Kenya's mind Porsha Stewart is yelling: "You're on the curb where you belong!" NeNe Leakes takes Kenya apartment hunting with her "very rich" realtor.
As NeNe walks into Kenya's temporary digs she is flabbergasted. There's carpet! And WHITE APPLIANCES! And no granite! Lord I felt like I was watching a snobby version of House Hunters. NeNe takes Kenya out of the ghetto (well at least physically out, behaviorally not so much!). Being as it may that she's currently underemployed, NeNe better reconsider the budget inn!
In the car Kenya reveals that she is currently dating a man from Nigeria who treats her like the Miss WHO-S-A queen she is! Something tells me this relationship is as mythical as the one she had with Walter. Lookie, Krayonce just 'cause he told you he is stranded and needs you to forward funds so he can come woo you in Atlanta, doesn't mean you're an item! NeNe cackles with laughter.
As they tour the fabulous penthouse, Kenya tosses her hair around and says she needs a much MUCH larger bed for her butt implants and all the acrobatic sex she's having with Prince Whota-Fabulous-Rumpus-Booty-Lovah from Nigeria. Kenya cannot possssssibly live in less than 5000 square-feet, which is really rather small for her. NeNe's eyes rolled so far they got stuck. Didn't this bitch just get EVICTED?! Oh heavens…
NeNe wonders if Kenya has sold enough booty videos to even afford the $1.6 M price tag. After conferring with a mythical Phaedra (the devil on NeNe's shoulder) she confirms - nope, Kenya better stay at the Days Inn!
Also having problems is Porsha who revisits the counselor she saw last season. The counselor basically tells Porsha she married for the wrong reasons: wanting to be taken care of and having the picture perfect life on paper. Porsha uses the opportunity to suggest again that Kordell is gay since he didn't impregnate her and that she felt like the oldest child in the house since he had so many rules.
Cynthia Bailey is recovering from fibroid surgery and NeNe pays her a visit to see if she'll still be bleeding all over Saks, and Neimans, and Nordstroms – oh my! – when Kandi calls.
Kandi decides to have a lunch for Porsha to cheer her up and so all the ladies can meet "The Real Porsha". Meaning the one who lost the shackles of Kontroll. Over lunch it emerges that Kordell gave her an allowance and had serious rules about who was allowed to come over – even Porsha's sister. Apparently he didn't even trust the ladies of RHOA. For someone on a budget ("Budget? What's that?!") Porsha sure has some fabulous clothes… The marriage was all about keeping up appearances – or as Porsha hoped: faking it until you make it.
The women are all super supportive of her escaping the relationship which seemed toxic, but NeNe is shocked by Kordell's behavior. If Kordell tried to keep NeNe in such constraints she would break out of the cage and tear up his credit card as penance. So hilarious! Something about this Porsha/Kordell storyline seems a little off to me… Hmmmm… something smells fishy…
Speaking of smelling fishy, Phaedra and Apollo go out for seafood where she cross examines him about the nature of his relationship with Krayonce. And strangely, he doesn't "recall" many details. Seriously!
First we discover Phaedra has been subpoenaed by Kenya's ex-landlord in the eviction case as a character witness. I can only imagine Phaedra taking the stand to deliver a eulogy litany of comments about Krayonce's Made in Mexico booty and Beauty Queen on Bath Salts behavior. LOL.
Apollo claims there was nothing inappropriate about texting Kenya and Phaedra rightfully does not agree. She tells him not to text her friends and he starts arguing about how he would be polite if he saw Kenya in public. Phaedra is not having it. He gets mad that she is making rules for him, but clearly his untrustworthy self needs some!
Then Apollo changes his story on what happened when they "ran into each other" in California. Phaedra so knows he's lying and point blank tells him she's about to stab him with her steak knife. I have never seen Phaedra so real on camera and I do not blame her. Especially given that at the time this was happening she was pregnant!
Apollo continues to twirl, twirl, twirl around the truth, tripping over his words and trying to argue which is the surest sign a man is caught! Phaedra better tighten the lock on that chastity belt. Or maybe she should let Krayonce have this scummy man cause she can do better! And so can the Nigerian prince!
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – DID APOLLO AND KENYA HAVE A LITTLE SOMETHING GOING ON BESIDES "HARMLESS" TEXTS? IS PORSHA HIDING SOMETHING ABOUT HER MARRIAGE?