Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills continued to deal with awkward relationships.
Things picked up at SUR where Brandi Glanville and Joyce Giraud were bickering up a storm about everything. If you could interpret through the litany of F-bombs and hair flips you might have heard Joyce tell Brandi she needs rehab.
All of the sudden Brandi starts tearing up and claims she just really misses her dog and needs to leave. She flees the table under the protective lemon force field of Yolanda Foster. So, now Brandi is blaming all her of her maltreatment of Joyce on a dog? I thought Kim Richards got the dog storyline this season?
Back at the table Joyce is unsympathetic. While Lisa Vanderpump and Ken try to smooth it over, Joyce snaps that Brandi shouldn't act like a "stupid little bitch" if she doesn't want people to confront her. Amen, Joyce, amen. Yolanda returns and is all "but Brandi is very sad". She's having a hard time. Lisa, visibly stressed out, calls for dessert – emotional eating time!
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It's nice that Lisa and Yolanda are such good friends, but meh – it doesn't seem to go two ways. And really, I'm over this Brandi nonsense already. Both of them do admit that Brandi's wordsmithing could use some serious thesaurus because her only adjective starts with "f" and ends with "k" .
And then all the trash and dishes and wayward hair strands are cleared from the dinner table and a new chapter begins. But there are more dog stories to tell! Oh more dogs!
Kingsley returns to Kim. She rambles about how Kingsley called her from dog rehab and was like suuuuper sad he had to sleep in a crate. Beverly Hills pit bulls sleep on European king mattresses with down quilts. Kim has been kind of enjoying sleeping in her own bed again, but now that Kingsley's back she rambles that "mom" will have to sleep on the dog bed while Kingsley gets the king. When Kim talks I just ignore her and focus on how pretty she looks this season.
When Kyle Richards talks I just see a moving blob of hair flying around. Kyle goes golfing with Joyce to get the recap of dinner. Joyce is shocked that Brandi is not owning up to her mistakes and using atrocious language. She is not surprised Brandi is single given that she acts like that. Kyle was empathetic – and wearing wedge sneakers. They swing golf clubs around and pretend to whack Brandi's head then Kyle races home on her wedge sneakers, plotting how she can use Brandi's latest misdeed to her own advantage.
Yolanda takes being a good friend seriously and decides she needs to confront Brandi about her behavior during dinner. Yolanda and Brandi were dressed like twins and I'm pretty sure Yolanda brought her one of those Best Friends Forever necklaces where each friend gets one half of a broken heart #90sFlashbacks. She probably stole it from GiGi's jewelry box and more than likely it was made of solid gold spun from rainbow-laced clouds and dotted with canary diamonds cultivated from actual canary poop.
Yolanda tells it to Brandi straight: she needs to grow up and start communicating like an adult, not cussing people out like a 9th grade boy. While Yolanda tells us over and over again that she is not Brandi's mom, she was lecturing her exactly like a mom and you could tell by Brandi's sour-faced expression she was pissed.
Then Brand started with the excuses about how Joyce made her mad and Michael was ganging up on her, but Yolanda got all dutch and authoritative to say No Excuses - class it up because you're embarrassing. David warned me that this is the final straw or you can't come over anymore. Then you'll never get to hump one of the four tenors in our basketball court sized steam shower again. Good for Yolanda for that!
Next we check in on Carlton Gebbia, she was running around in the yard with her kids saving the insect world from garden hoses and it was sweet. You can tell they are a really loving family and all of Carlton's bad-assery is an act. Speaking of which she's getting a new tattoo that is a pentagram surrounded by her children's names, but she had each of them write their own name so the tattoo would contain their handwriting.
It was a very sweet notion, but Carlton showed up at the tattoo parlor wearing one-half of a WWF costume she salvaged from Chyna's garage sale and girl – just no. Leave that shit in the dumpster.
Still reeling from her least-classy dinner party like ever, Lisa and Ken go shopping for their new restaurant PUMP and discuss Brandi vs. Joyce. Ken is upset that Michael got involved because Brandi had no man to defend her in exchange. Lisa calls his BS claiming he would jump in to defend her in a heartbeat. Lisa is unhappy with Brandi's behavior at the dinner but is sympathetic to the fact that her life is in a bad space. She decides to invite Joyce over for a chat to smooth things over.
Finally, Kyle's fashion show is happening. Things get off to a bad start when one of the mannequins does a dive-bomb onto the floor and breaks. Kyle whines that she's dead. That mannequin died because the outfit she is wearing is so ugly she'd rather die than be seen in it!
Jamie Lee Curtis shows up to MC the event which is raising money for a children's hospital. Kyle knows Jamie from her childhood acting days and they have a close relationship.
In the limo on the way to the event, Brandi admits to her friend Etirsa (who happens to be black) about her inappropriate joke regarding black women and swimming. Etirsa is not impressed. Brandi whines that she's in a bad space and doesn't want to be around people she doesn't care about. If that's the case Brandi should probably not be on this show.
Joyce arrives to the fashion show wearing a Dancing With The Stars costume, which if she purchased from Kyle's store is really embarrassing. Kyle's daughter Sophia is afraid to do the runway because she's shy. Kyle stage-mom haggles her about it, pretty much forcing her. Kyle tells us her mom made her act because she was shy. Um… no comment.
The fashion show goes off, was cute and everyone seemed to have fun. Lisa checks in with Brandi and Brandi sort of mumbles that she has no plans to ruin Kyle's event with any confrontations. Blessedly. Then Lisa and the giant flower that ate her boobs and torso check in with sequins-mcshowgirl's hairflipping circus, aka Joyce, to invite her for tea. Joyce accepts.
Over tea, Lisa explains her position that Brandi is her friend and she doesn't want to constantly be "chastising" her (Joyce didn't know that word) but she admits that her behavior isn't acceptable. Joyce, whom Lisa describes as formidable, calls Lisa out on making excuses for Brandi's behavior. And I gotta hand it to pageants, she doesn't back down and she's ballsy. Kyle better tread lightly with this one. Formidable is right!
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – DOES JOYCE NEED TO BACK OFF FROM BRANDI A BIT OR IS BRANDI OUT OF CONTROL?