Last night on Teen Mom 2, some girls celebrated happily wedded bliss (again) and other girls headed towards happily unwedded unbliss (again) and some girls cried all the way home from jail (again).
Let's start and end with a positive! To start, Chelsea Houska finally accomplished something other than dumping Adam Lind. Which speaking of positives: he was NOT presents on last night's episode. Go, MTV! Anyway, Chelsea graduated with her 600 hour aesthetics certificate and is on her way to getting her very first job. "I know I had Aubree young, but I've still accomplished what I wanted," Chelsea says. Good for her.
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Papa Randy surprised Chelsea with a MAC makeup cake and I'm sure the fondant was almost as thick as the makeup on her face. Chelsea still has to get licensed by the state, but she goes on a job interview. Which c'mon – did the lady even ask her anything besides, 'OH! Is MTV gonna film at my salon and give me tons and tons of free advertising?' Of course Chelsea got the job – cause: MTV. I mean maybe she's really good at waxing or something. And clearly that lady's standards of hairsanity are different than mine cause look at her hair. And look at Chelsea's.
It's great that Chelsea finished school and is taking responsibility for her life! Yay Chelsea!
Now let's check-in with Jenelle Evans. Awww… that sweet girl she got to fly away home to jail. Jenelle went to court to find out if she was able to get supervised or unsupervised probation related to her heroin charge. The judge told her she'd get unsupervised if she passed a drug test. Surprise, surprise: she failed! Jenelle now has to serve 48 hours in jail. I laughed. Nathan Griffith promised he'd wait for her and his heart would always be true. Jenelle begged him to be faithful, and said she trusts him. She cries about missing him. No mention of missing Jace!
Lemme get this straight: Jenelle is mature and grownup enough to get pregnant again, but she can't even pass a drug test? And I hope this blows the lid off this whole 'Nathan is such a good guy' image.
Nathan went over to Babs where Jace was playing with Mike and answering "f–k" to every question he asked. Barbara is unsurprised that Jenelle landed in jail and explained to Nathan that Jenelle is a "little bitch" who drags everyone down. Nathan bites his tongue to stop himself from yelling, "Don't talk about my paycheck like that!"
When Nathan picks Jenelle up from jail he has flowers and a teddy bear. Jenelle got more gifts for graduating from jail than Chelsea got for graduating from college. #priorities. Jenelle says she almost went crazy she missed Nathan so much. And don't even get her started on the horrible rule about not dragging your blankets outside. Nathan and Jenelle commiserate about how terrible the rubber mattresses are in jail. Yay for couples bonding! This is so true love.
And at home, before she even takes a shower or washes the jail out of her pores, Jenelle is on twitter discovering that Nathan has been talking to his ex's best friend and complaining about Jenelle. Jenelle can't believe it: she was in jail for TWO DAYS and he was untrustworthy. Nathan turns into The Hulk and his zits flare laser red as he screams that Jenelle talks to guys all the time. And furthermore, what else was he supposed to do while she was away – work?! "I did all this for you," he says pointing to the leopard print pillow case draped over the window that says "Welcome Back" in stick-on letters. Oh Nathan… you romantic!
This is not enough for Jenelle – nothing is! She's controlling. And insane (check and check and check!) Jenelle keeps repeating that none of this was her fault because she was in jail. And it was horrible and why isn't he more sympathetic to the fact that she was IN JAIL. And Nathan promised to wait for her. This relationship is so stable and secure – they are totally ready for a baby! Somewhere Jace is shaking his head, saying, "F–k…"
Perhaps Nathan should have stopped to have a chat with Courtland in the court parking lot – he could have told him all about what happens when you hook up with Jenelle. 18 months… 18 months… I ain't sayin' she's a black widow but she ain't messin' with no successful guys.
Speaking of relationship disasters, Leah Calvert, maybe soon to be Messer again, can only keep her nagging at bay for so long! I thought she had matured up, y'all! Turns out the only thing that's improved (marginally) was her hair. Leah found out Jeremy could have taken a job nearby but turned it down without even discussing it with her. Instead he's taken a job in NM even though he promised he'd never be that far from her and the girls. Leah's mom wonders if perhaps the family life is too over-whelming for Jeremy. And by family life, I think she means the Leah life!
Leah and Jeremy get into a big argument about how she was stalking his phone and found out about the job. He'd only make $40k per year in WV but he'd make that in 5 weeks in New Mexico. Yeah, I'd be moving to NM too. Leah screams that Jeremy doesn't understand how hard this is for her and he reminds her she knew what she was getting into. Leah, some advice: You did know what you were getting into. And you knew what was gonna happen when you started letting Jeremy get into your hooha all unprotected.
Leah storms off and slams the door. "No one understands," she shrieks. Ali and Aleeah roll their eyes and wonder if mommy accidentally inhaled hair spray fumes again. The day Jeremy leaves, Leah has smeared aluminum foil on her eyelids up to her brows (it's makeup!) and made up with Jeremy. She's still sad he's going, but accepted that maintaining her refried crispy noodle hair takes income.
Time for Leah to go get some big girl panties from Wal-mart, put 'em on and grow up!
Leah drops the girls off with Corey Simms and over-discloses her marital problems to him. Corey looked uncomfortable and could not wait to get out of there. Leah was probably thinking 'I shouldn'ta let Beard 1 out of the pitture – least he worked in my home state." Lucky for Corey he's moved on to some better hair: Miranda.
Finally, Kail Lowry had her wedding to Javi. What else is there to say except Kail looked happy, she wore a big giant doily of a dress, she made her bridesmaid pick a wedgie out of her butt on the street in broad daylight while wearing a wedding gown, and their vows were very sweet.
Isaac was the highlight of the whole affair. "Are you happy mommy?" he asked while she said I Do. Hopefully! And I hope Kail finds less things to complain about. I'm not holding my breath or anything, but it might be nice.
[Photo Credits: MTV]
TELL US – IS LEAH EVER GONNA STOP NAGGING? IS JENELLE EVER GONNA STOP GOING TO JAIL?