We kick things off with the twins arriving today! This brings the Biermann family total to lucky number 19! Er, I mean, 8. Kim and Kroy are heading to the hospital and saying goodbye to everyone as if they’re going for pizza and will be back in an hour. Brielle was like “Later, I’m taking a nap”. I’m assuming this milestone has become uneventful since Kim has literally been to this rodeo 37 times before.
We are then treated to a montage of pictures that are essentially selfies, selfies and more selfies. I mean, who kisses your husband and takes a selfie at the same time? With your eyes open? Totally normal. Not weird at all. Just when I start to think the entire show will be Kim narrating over selfies, we get a glance at their dream house finally finished. Slowly my mind starts drifting off thinking how much are the property taxes, hell, even the monthly electric bill – and we see that it’s 17,000 square feet of pure of Kim Zolciak. She’s done Julia Sugarbaker proud. Exhibit A: The candy cane room, an ode to a red-striped couch. Um, OK.
Moving on, we learn that 59 cameras will be watching you as you sit in the Hollywood Room and enjoy a cup tea because Kim trusts no one outside of her immediate family. (Again, still doing the mental math on that annual cost…I’m going to have to dust off my calculator soon, I have to ask who is going to be monitoring all that footage all day long??? Answer: No one. ) Meanwhile, we learn Kroy is recovering from a torn Achilles in the midst of all this madness. His personality is really showing this season in the interviews. He is very endearing and it’s actually really sweet to watch him tend to Kim and chase the kids around the house. He’s a keeper.
Finally, we arrive to the hospital (after waaaay too much vagina talk) and Kim learns that one of the babies will be breached and a c-section might be in order. Kim and Kroy decide to keep it real (because you know, Kim is all about being au natural…riiiiight) and push that sucker out, vag tearin’ and all. All stress from delivery aside, she pushes out two cutie patooties!
The next day, Kim decides to juice it up with some good ole fashion placenta to prevent post-partum depression and Kroy caves in and drinks it too (holy $hit, I can’t even get my husband to hand me a tampon… in our own bathroom). There’s nothing like seeing all the blood and guts of your afterbirth in a Ziploc baggie. Yum!
Three weeks have passed and we see the craziness that is the Biermann household. Mac ‘n Cheese and chicken nugs (burnt in a cake pan, hilarious) have been on the dinner menu every night. It’s somewhat shocking they haven’t made room in their budget for a chef (maybe the security camera monitor guy can fix a salad too???).
Flashing to commentary from Brielle and Ariana – I can’t help but think they are mini-Kims. Whose teeth are that white at 17? And the hair?! Brielle looks more put together than I ever could. If I haven’t finished this recap it’s because I’m drinking a case of wine in my garage and crying.
While Kim and Kroy are getting steamy in the hot tub – Kim chats about Kroy’s recovery thus far and it goes a little something like this. Kim: “You feel good, right? You can still play, right? You’ll be ready by next season, right????” I understand there is true love there – but someone’s got to pay for these 6 kids (and the security system).
Overall, I find the family dynamic cute (I adore Kim and Kroy) although it’s a bit boring at times. They’ll need a little more substance to have the staying power for a strong return viewership each week. Otherwise, I can see this heading down the Kate Plus Eight road. Stay tuned – the season preview looks promising!
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Recap Author: Bonnie K.
Photo Credit: Bravo TV