Teresa Giudice Prison Memoir 'Turning The Tables'

Teresa Giudice‘s prison memoir, Turning the Tables, is set to be released next Tuesday, February 9th, the same day Teresa will be on Good Morning America.

Ahead of the release, the New York Daily News is sharing a few excerpts from the Real Housewives of New Jersey star’s tell-all, which includes her sexual fantasies (eww), the pros and cons of her celebrity status (there are more pros than cons), and her vision for the future (she is soooo out of touch with reality).

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About her first strip search, Teresa said she was forced to strip (surrendering a rhinestone-studded jacket in the process!) and then she was told to squat, stick out her tongue, and cough. “I wanted to die,” she wrote.

According to the New York Daily News, Teresa learned just the next day why her cell block was called “The Boom Boom Room.” The site reported: “Giudice had just said her nightly prayers, made the sign of the cross, and was falling asleep when she heard a ‘muffled sound’ through the stillness. ‘I could see two women… writhing around… I cannot believe this is happening!’ she writes.”

Teresa went on to say that many straight inmates go “gay for the stay” while in prison, and in addition to the after dark Boom Boom Room hook ups, they take part in shower sexcapades and sell their bodies for commissary money.

In her book, Teresa said she fantasized about hubby Joe Giudice rather than join the “gay for the stay” club. “On one family visit, she whispered into his ear about some naughty new sex tricks shared by her inmate pals,” shared the New York Daily News. “On Father’s Day, she sent him a card with 3 pages of new sexual positions. ‘Madonna mia, I was dreaming of my husband,’ she declares.”

Teresa detailed the pros and cons of her celebrity status next.

Cons: menacing stares from non-fans, other inmates selling stories about her, and she was subjected to a room/strip search when Gia tweeted from her Twitter account.

Pros: pleasantries from starstruck inmates, access to magazines to keep up with stories written about herself, and a lot of fan mail helped feed her narcissism pass the time.

Teresa reportedly recruited other inmates to do her nails, give her massages, style her hair, and tailor her prison jumpsuit. When she wasn’t being pampered, Teresa looked for deals at the prison commissary. One purchase, a $5.20 pair of sunglasses, she described as “a far cry” from the $350 designer sunglasses she’s used to.

To pass the time, Teresa worked out, read books, and created a vision board.

According to the New York Daily News, the vision board includes “earning $40 million to “take care of her girls and help needy children,” making her own yoga DVD, and buying a Florida beach house.” <blank stare>

TELL US – DO YOU PLAN TO READ TERESA’S BOOK? DO ANY OF THESE EXCERPTS SURPRISE YOU? 

Photo Credit: Amazon

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