It seems we must face facts this season on The Real Housewives Of New Jersey: Siggy Flicker has decided this is her “moment” and she’s making sure everyone knows it, especially Margaret Josephs. But Margaret isn’t one to back off when Siggy huffs and puffs that she’ll pull her pigtails out! No, no, no. She came to PLAY, and I’m loving her for it. Margaret also shows us a peek into her wacky world
of Claire’s Boutique inventory when she throws a launch party for her bag line, which Siggy and Dolores Catania refuse to attend. Call Siggy’s crab cakes salty, will they? Hmmph! She’ll be eating them alone from now on, then. In pigtails!
Last night began with the ladies at home after a drama-filled Boca vaycay. Melissa Gorga’s birthday cake was not able to make the trip home because – just in case anyone in the tri-state area hasn’t heard yet – Teresa Giudice threw that sh*t on the ground. (R.I.P. $1K cake!) Siggy is, by the way, still not over it – not by a long shot. The town of Boca Raton is very much over Siggy, though, I’d imagine.
Margaret is at home with her team planning a boardwalk-themed launch party for her summer cosmetic bags. “It’s just classic Marge,” says Margaret about throwing launch parties at her home every time a new product is birthed. As she reviews the guest list, Margaret regales her employees – and her mom – about how nuts she thinks Siggy’s been acting. Should she even invite her to the party? She doesn’t regret calling her “Soggy,” nor does she think it’s a big deal that Siggy and Dolores didn’t attend the beach memorial. They skipped yoga, so what could she do?
Over at Siggy’s house, she and Michael are making meatballs and talking about Boca, which left her sad about Teresa and Melissa, but livid over Margaret, who she thought would show more loyalty. Especially since Siggy brought her in to the group! (This whole I brought her in! diatribe is feeling very Godfather Part II, no?) Siggy plans to make up with Teresa and Melissa pretty easily, but Margaret – nope. She’s got that pigtailed turncoat in her crosshairs now!
At Dolores’s house, she’s learning how to fold a shirt from big Frank, who’s also been “yelling” at Frankie Jr. too much lately – which to Dolores means he’s been disciplining him mildly. Frank apparently called his son “an embarrassment” when he was asking him about not filling out his college applications. This riles Dolores up. Frankie Jr. deserves an apology! she whines.
As a former high school teacher for over a decade, I’d humbly offer this advice to mom and pop: Frankie Jr. needs parents who are more interested in his future than in his feelings. #RealTalk #FutureBasementDwellerWarning
In more important news, Dolores has cat fights to attend to! She has Siggy’s back, no matter what, and she thinks Margaret used Siggy to “get an in” with the group, then ultimately turn on her. “She’s a snake,” bottom lines Dolores.
Teresa, Melissa, and Joe Gorga are moving papa Giacinto into Tre’s home. All of the girls are helping out, but it’s kind of a sh*tshow – in the best possible way! After pretending to carry very heavy furniture through double doors (seriously, there are movers hiding just out of frame somewhere, right? Giacinto should not be lifting armoires, people!), Melissa and Teresa fill Joe in on their beef with Siggy. It comes down to this: Siggy is acting cuckoo, and they don’t understand why. Not owning their part in hurting Siggy’s feelings is ridiculous, but since Siggy is also acting ridiculous in how far she’s taking these hurt feelings, it’s kind of a wash. Just, everyone: Get. Over. It.
At Envy, Margaret stops by to check out Melissa’s wares, and to teach Melissa how to be a real entrepreneur
because until now Melissa’s only played one on TV. Danielle Staub stops by looking rather cleaned up and probably the best-styled we’ve ever seen her (right?! am I losing it here?!) to chat about Margaret’s party.
But hold on – Mags first tells the girls that Siggy has already blocked her on social media!!! So she’s enemy number one, it seems. Margaret is still up for inviting Siggy to her party though, so she calls to do just that. Siggy gives her a cold reception and a very quick RSVP of NO, citing how upset she still is about Boca. “Really?” asks Margaret. “You don’t think we could just move past it?” Siggy flatly answers, “No” before ranting a bit, then simply hanging up. Margaret wonders if she’ll be receiving the same treatment from Dolores, Siggy’s sidekick? My Spidey sense says…yep.
Speaking of Dolores, she’s out to dinner with Franks, both small and large. Frankie Jr. feels like his dad has obsessive compulsive disorder…because he wants some answers about college? Dolores is wondering if Frankie is more concerned about staying near his high school girlfriend than getting a higher education, which, yeah, he is. He’s a one-woman guy! Big Frank cannot relate. At all.
At the Gorga home, Joe is reading a verse to Melissa he’d like inscribed on his mother’s mausoleum plaque. Since his mother’s death, Joe has been struggling, as every child (young or old) does. Melissa, having lost her father at the age of 17, can relate. She doesn’t know how long it will take Joe to feel some semblance of normalcy again, but does know there’s no blueprint for grief. Joe gets emotional with every task associated with his mother’s memory – moving his father into Teresa’s, cleaning out their house – all of the “stuff” that comes with a loved one’s passing. Joe feels especially bad for his father, who lost his partner of 37 years. Sigh. It’s sad, relatable stuff.
Sad, but NOT relatable is Siggy, who meets Teresa out for drinks to make amends. Or demand another apology. Or -oh lord, whatever! Siggy reminds Teresa of the “amazing” friendship
of 10 months that they have, and how she wants to be her soldier move on from the drama. But Teresa isn’t letting her off that easily. She admits that maybe she did “let loose” a little bit with the cake, but feels like they didn’t need the major reprimanding Siggy delivered. In the end, Siggy apologizes for calling her (and Melissa) trash, and Teresa apologizes for walking out of dinner.
With that taken care of, Siggy now moves on to her many splendored complaints about Margaret. She cannot believe Mags excluded Dolores and her from the beach memorial, but Teresa doesn’t see it that way. Alas, Teresa is not allowed to talk for the next 60-120 minutes, as Siggy is delivering a Shakespearean monologue about THE SINS OF MARGARET JOSEPHS! She wants to yank on her pigtails “and rip them out of her head!” She thinks Margaret is a world class b*tch! She wants to keep Margaret away with the sign of the cross! MARGARET IS THE DEVIL!!!
Teresa’s baffled face says, um…check please! But instead, she just sits there wondering if Psycho Siggy has replaced Soggy Siggy, and whether Psycho plans on murdering anyone tonight? At this table, perhaps? When Siggy finally finishes her rant, Teresa asks why she can’t just move past it by coming to Margaret’s party the next night. “I hate the f**king b*tch,” warns Siggy. Ok, we’re clear! Like, Scientology Clear. (JK! Don’t get weird on me, Scientologists. It’s a joke. Please don’t find me on social media!)
While Margaret manages her contractor/husband, Joe, at home, Melissa and her Joe head to a pizzeria – that he just bought. Melissa does a valiant job of pretending she didn’t know Joe bought it “behind her back”
for the purposes of a storyline. But her acting skills might need a little refreshing, because this scene is just…comically fake. Extending the ridiculous metaphor, Melissa makes the issue all about Joe not supporting her Envy dreams. Whah! But Joe just turns it around on her by bringing his father into play. He thinks the restaurant will be a good distraction for him. Melissa quickly sighs, “okay,” glad to be done with reciting her rehearsed lines. What a crock!
Speaking of crocks – Teresa is pretending to write another book! LOLOLOLOL! (OK, this show is comedic genius, whether it means to be or not.) Teresa is encouraged by her publisher to “go deeper,” which for Teresa means that she’s fixin’ to throw Juicy Joe under the metro bus. Whatever needs to be done for her DORTERS will be done. Let it be written.
By a ghostwriter.
Margaret’s glam squad is working miracles with old school rainbow curlers (YES!!) while she screams about the oven to her husband, Joe. Melissa is at her house getting glammed up and having Joe problems of her own. He doesn’t want to go to the party, but he will. Oh, the drama! (That was it? Really?) OK, there’s real drama back at Margaret’s, where her ovens are actually not working. She calls another Margaret next door to borrow hers, thus proving once again that the name shortage in Jersey is very real and very troubling.
OK, well maybe not as troubling as this next scene… Ladies and gentlemen, behold! Grown women acting like middle school morons! Otherwise known as Siggy and Dolores, both wearing pigtails in mock homage to their sworn enemy, having a slumber party to celebrate how much they hate Margaret. “Her pigtails can go f**k themselves,” snarks Siggy. Um. I’m not sure that means what she thinks it means. In any case, the ladies do mud masks, robot dances, and a lot of b*tching about Margaret while cheering and giggling about how “happy” they are not to be at her party. It’s essentially a hot f**king mess.
Meanwhile, the weird and wonderful Margaret Josephs is hosting her psychedelic party with panache – and with her mother answering the door, which I kind of love. Melissa thinks Margaret’s house is all “fabulosity!” – or Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory? Meh, whatever. You say tomato, I say LSD-meets-Fraggle-Rock! It looks like a good time, in any case – which Siggy and Dolores are still celebrating NOT GOING TO! Dolores even texted Margaret a long explanation about “loyalty” earlier to make her point clear. (Or rather, Siggy’s point.)
Teresa piles on by telling Margaret that Siggy said “I hate that f**king b*tch” about her the day before. Um, good talk. Margaret doesn’t know what they hell is going on, so she texts Siggy that she wishes she were at the party and that they could move past their beef. In mud masks at their sleepover, Dolores and Siggy complain about Margaret’s insincere text. (Well, they haven’t seen that pizzeria scene with Melissa and Joe yet because THAT, my darlings, was the prototype of insincere! Margaret’s text? Not so bad.
“It’s perfunctory,” says Dolores, who learned a new word! Aww, good for her. Siggy has no idea what she’s talking about, but does finally agree to meet with Margaret at the diner the next day. Margaret is glad to get this response, but doesn’t know if she can handle Soggy crying in public again. She might need a raincoat.
When they do meet, Siggy starts off on a mild note. So Margaret asks straight up what she did that was so terrible? Siggy is hurt about not being included in the beach memorial, but Margaret reminds her that the group text about yoga went to THE GROUP. She didn’t feel the need to call Siggy up personally, and doesn’t think it’s a big deal that they all hung out separately that day. At these statements, Siggy starts to get wound up. And so does Margaret. It’s all a blur of traded insults, with Self-Help-Siggy finally snarking that she’s not trying to empower Margaret, she’s trying to “destroy” her!
Unaffected, Margaret just calls Siggy a hypocrite, then asks why she can’t just laugh at herself sometimes? I mean, Soggy Flicker is funny! (Not to Soggy, though.) After the ladies randomly argue about who was better friends with Joan Rivers, Siggy tells Margaret to get some meds. Margaret thinks Siggy is the one who needs an Rx though. OMG – These two are SUCH crackpots! Their dynamic is giving me strong whiffs of Sonja/Ramona…but at a diner in Jersey. And it’s strangely working for me on some bizarre level, which is deeply disturbing!
Finally moving on from the merry-go-round of ridiculous arguments about feelings and Joan Rivers and avocado omelettes, Siggy just starts to cry. Now, Margaret actually feels badly that Siggy is upset, so she apologizes for hurting her. “I don’t want to take a girl down, ever,” she says, just wanting to slowly back away from the crazy. In the end, Siggy (sort of) cops to being overly sensitive, and Margaret cops to being obnoxious. Good job, girls!
Man, I feel like these two could potentially be a dream team if they can get over themselves, or more to the point, if Siggy can get over her Bad Boca self. I want my old RHONJ back! And I see glimmers of it shining through quite brightly this season. I don’t want to jinx it, but I have a very good feeling about this cast – warts and all. (Get ready for me to eat those words in a mere matter of weeks, days, or even hours…!)
TELL US: HOW LONG WILL MARGARET AND SIGGY’S TRUCE LAST? IS DOLORES GOING TO DRIVE A WEDGE BETWEEN THEM?
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