Oh, VH1, you never disappoint! The network that brought us the classic Love & Hip Hop franchise is at it again, hoping to target that professional, unmarried woman in her mid to late '20s who totally has her life together but “doesn’t see any shame in watching provocative, fun TV.” Sounds about right! I know these women, and I can see them joining me in a marathon of Naked Dating. Yes. Because that's going to be a show thanks to the art of blurring out body parts!
Nudity not your thing? Perhaps you'd rather watch cameras follow around my favorite Backstreet Boy Nick Carter or get lost in the nail-biting excitement of a traveling paternity testing truck. Who needs ice-cream when it has DNA? Still not convinced? How about K. Michelle's as yet untitled project. So she was telling the truth! The network is also debuting show that chronicles embarrassing hook-up walks of shame. Let me set my DVR (no, really).
Leave it to Love & Hip Hop'sErica Mena to say something so foul that even I am offended, and I am not easily offended at all. You can't watch what I have to watch and get grossed out easily, right? As you know, Erica's story line was her new lesbian relationship with Cyn Santana and the resulting love triangle with former beau and sometimes manager Rich Dollaz.
After a volatile season and reunion, even Cyn seemed convinced that Erica was still head over heels in love with Rich. Of course, after lots of screaming and Rich acting like b*tch (seriously dude, just be a gentleman), Erica swore up and down that her feelings were gone. He had hurt her one time too many and only seemed to want her when he couldn't have her. I mean, he did, but she still had a girlfriend. Y'all know. Like me, no matter how insane it gets, you can't get enough of it. I blame Mona Scott Young!
So last night was the Love & Hip Hop reunion part duh deux. Let's hope that Mo'Nique can salvage what was a boring first half. Right off the bat, Mo'Nique warns everyone to keep their seats. She resumes her conversation with Peter Gunz, Tara Wallace, and Amina Buddafly. Mo'Nique questions whether Amina is worried she'll be Tara in ten years. Amina reveals that after a year of marriage, Amina already feels like Tara as Peter is up to his old tricks. We are treated to a highlight reel of the love triangle. I hope that Tara is as grossed out by her language regarding sexing up Peter as I am. Amina reveals that she will never allow herself to become Tara, Peter made her look like a fool, and Amina isn't going to put up with his shenanigans. The women are actually making some mature points, which is a plus. Erica Mena gives Amina a round of applause.
Peter admits that if he'd known Tara had such strong feelings for him, he probably wouldn't have married Amina. He announces that he's too old to be acting like this, and he believes that both women deserve better. Peter needs to work on becoming a better person. Amina interrupts to remind the audience that she loves pulling surprises out of her bra (Mrs. Pansky's drivers' license anyone?) before throwing a positive pregnancy test at Peter. Yup, Urine. She says that unlike Tara, she didn't take the Plan B. Erica is beside herself. "Shiz just got real, y'all!" she yells as Peter storms off the stage. Erica goes to comfort Amina, while Tahiry Jose follows Peter, urging him to publicly apologize to Tara for humiliating her on national television.
Don't fail us Mo'Nique! We've been through enough piddly hosts, so I hope she's able to hold her own with the crazy crew of Love & Hip Hop! Last night was the first half of the reunion, and Mo'Nique started with a long-winded monolog about adventures and riveting stories. Yeah, not so much. Forget about the story lines, lets talk hair! I can't decide if Yandy Smith looks like a fabulous pin-up or if she's been playing in Hugh Hefner's closet. I never thought I'd want Tara Wallace to put back on the blonde wig–I know many will disagree with me, but that pixie cut isn't doing her any favors..not to mention that dress looks like a surfer's rash guard! She's a gorgeous lady, and that hairstyle makes her look mousy. Tahiry Jose's hair looks amazing in the blunt ombre'd bob.Joe Buddenis dressed like my best friend's five-year-old on Easter Sunday.
Okay, now onto the reunion! Yandy reveals that she talks to Mendeecees Harris on the phone about five times a day. Mo'Nique warns that those collect calls can get expensive! Do inmates really get that many phone privileges? We are treated to anErica Mena/Cyn make-out montage. We get, VH1, they're lesbians! Sure they are. The pair is still together (thanks to Chipotle!) as they are holding hands on the sofa. Rich Dollaz' jealousy is well documented in clips, and he looks just as stupid as I remember. Rich joins the twosome on the sofa, and he tells Mo'Nique that he didn't have any loyalty to Cyn in her relationship with Erica, and he's a self-proclaimed creep. He feels sorry for Cyn because he thinks she's a prop in his back-and-forth with Erica.
Did anyone think that K. Michelle would last on Love & Hip Hop? Her move from the Atlanta franchise seemed calculated to revive viewers who have grown bored with the ratchetness that is the New York cast.
However, K. Michelle was barely on the show (I can't say I blame her!) this season, clocking in–maybe–a few minutes an episode. That said, I am not shocked to hear that she won't be returning for another season!