In her Bravo blog, Lisa Vanderpump dives right in on the first part of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion. What's better than your everyday fabulous Lisa? A Lisa that's snarky, pissed off, and not going to take it anymore! After her co-stars unsuccessfully tried to vilify her this season, Lisa has decided to take off her gloves and come out swinging. She spends the majority of her diatribe chastising Yolanda Foster for crying about Hollywood friends, but she saves her best jabs for former friend Brandi Glanville…and the best part? She never even gives Brandi the recognition by using her name. It's perfection.
The RHOBH star begins, "Hello to you all again. An earthquake this morning. That was pretty violent as things crashed around us, seems to be an indication of what lies ahead today.And here we have the first part of the trilogy that wraps up our fourth season, a season that will forever be etched in my mind as where you have all been promised to see the exposé of my true character…"
After opining about her shopping trip to Crystals 'R Us to stock up calming objects to combat the negativity of the reunion (all of the women should have followed her lead!), Carlton begins her Bravo blog, "Let's face it, I think I have said all I have had to say this whole bloody season. Nothing held back. I really don't want to repeat it again. Honestly I have no regrets. I've said everything that was on my mind. Made it abundantly clear who I like and who are trolls that belong under a bridge. I wished deep in my heart that you had truly gotten an enlightened view about my faith and beliefs, without the dumb background music. Introduced you properly to my incredible husband and family on the level that I deal with everyday, my beautiful and talented girlfriends who I love and only want the very f—ing best for, and my gorgeous nanny who I trust the lives with all of our three children."
Since it was mostly a bunch of squabbling about tit-for-tat and tampon strings, let's make this quick and dirty! I'm gonna start by paying Snarlton Gebbia a compliment. She looks good! Less Wicked Witch Of The Tanning Bed and more Human Flesh who feasts on food and not the blood of innocents.
Right out of the gate Lisa Vanderpump and Brandi Glanville are at it over whether or not Lisa lived in Calabasas at some point and filed for bankruptcy. Lisa says no, but according to the $9.99 background check Brandi did on www.stalkurfriends.com (the same site that tricks you into thinking you'll be able to see who's reading your FB page!) Lisa like so did have an address in the valley. Lisa rolls her eyes. Then Brandi claims SPLITS Richards told her about the Kalatrashass living and Ken's financial past.
Brandi lashed out in response, tweeting, "Dear random people or person who has time 2 make up a petition about me a-thanks for keeping me in the news B-dont we have whales to save?" Of course it's doubtful that a few thousand fans would make any impact on what the network decides. However, the incredibly low ratings this season could!
Joyce was surrounded by her co-stars and other reality TV friends, along with her husband Michael Ohoven. Vanderpump Rules star Scheana Marie was asked to perform for the event (no, Brandi Glanville wasn't subjected to it). Scheana shared, "Cannot believe I am performing at the #QueenOfTheUniverse pageant tonight!!!! #freakingout." Hopefully a video will pop up this week so we can see how she did!
Lisa's hubby Ken Todd was in attendance, as was Tori Spelling's mom Candy, and even Real Housewives of Miami's Joanna Krupa. I'd give Joanna crap for trying to cozy up to Lisa in the hopes of landing a spot on RHOBH, but she's a big animal rights supporter, so I can't give her too much hell. She did share a smooch with a member of the Modern Family cast – see the gallery. Sadly, no Romain Zago sighting. What gives, Jo?
In other SUR news, Lisa's restaurant made it on OpenTable's Diners' Choice Top 100 List – "2014 Hot Spot Restaurants in America". Congrats, Lisa!
Brandi is irritated at Kyle for not fully explaining the tabloid situation and giving her some credit for warning Kyle early on that the rumors of Mauricio's cheating was about to break. "Kyle knows the truth about the tabloids — case closed. I still don't quite understand why Kyle doesn't acknowledge the fact that I warned her in advance about the stories coming out in Star magazine because I had a friend that worked there. I myself have gone through a similar situation and I would have loved a warning or a heads up."