Recaps

 hollywood nas nia

Do y’all know how frustrating it is to talk to AT&T technical support to complain about spotty internet and cable, explaining I need it for work, only to have the technician (who is in a time zone 12 hours ahead) that I shouldn’t be working so late? Is that the point, ma’am? Gahhh, the things I do for Love & Hip Hop Hollywood. Of course, I don’t want to miss a second of Soulja Boy’s antics, but it’s my job. The people have a right to know how whiny Ray-J is at any given minute and just how shady Teairra Mari is being to her “friends.” Enter Hazel-E. We all know the history between these ladies is complicated, but I believe that Teairra always holds the upper hand. Hazel gets her former roommate to concede to an inappropriate relationship with Berg where her music was concerned, there was no knee bending in a back alley. Win-win?

Ray is meeting with newbie Brandi (not his sister, I repeat, not his sister). She’s Whitney Houston’s goddaughter, and her husband Max Lux is a big time producer. If you forget that halfway through the episode, she’ll remind you again. Ray complains about the new found friendship between Princess and Teairra, and Ray makes the mistake of saying he’s going to working with Max on some “music.” Brandi is fully aware what it means for Max and Ray to work together….side chicks. 

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Vito Scalia bathrobe

Last night’s Manzo’d With Children was brought to you by the letter V. V as in Vito Scalia, but also for “Vessel,” losing your Manzo Virginity, and Visiting the library. But mostly V is for Vito and all the ways he is passive aggressively trying to use his voice. (V is for Voice). 

Lauren Manzo‘s wedding will include 300 hundred people and 300 hundred Italian traditions, but only one corsage. Vito’s mom, Denise, comes over, pushing her dog in a stroller, to see where her son will be spending the rest of his remaining days. Lauren asks her if she wants a corsage at the wedding – of course she does! She’s the mother of the groom and that is an honor that must be signified. Caroline Manzo “wouldn’t be caught dead in a corsage.” She describes Vito’s mother as a “firecracker” and explains they’re different, yet the same.

Time for some standardized test prep! Different, but similar-style with Caroline and Denise.

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dont be tardy kroy kim

On last night’s Don’t Be Tardy, we were treated to a trip down memory lane for the former Real Housewives of Atlanta star. The photographs (oh the photographs!) alone were enough to make it a fabulous episode. Kim Zolciak Biermann with dark brown hair and braces? Yes please! The episode begins with Kim and Kroy heading to Connecticut, leaving Gloria and chef Tracey in charge of the brood. Not only is Kim scheduled to do an appearance at a casino, she’s also returning to her roots. The casino is in her hometown!

In their absence, Kroy has charged Slade with building a shelving system for the boys’ playroom. Wait, what? Slade is unsure as to whether he’s capable of constructing furniture, but he concedes that it shouldn’t be impossible. After all, he can read. Just not well, right? Returning to the town where she grew up, Kim is overwhelmed by the time warp. Nothing has changed, except her nose. Seriously, does she think we are that dumb? As the couple cruises the main drag, Kim remembers working at every fast food restaurant from Burger King to Taco Bell to Krispy Kreme. She always got fired for giving out free food to her friends.

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sister wives kody janelle hunter

There’s no M E R I in “team,” so the legal union of Kody Brown and Robyn Sullivan Brown took place on last week’s Sister Wives sans original first wife Meri. Now, it’s time for the family to focus on the purpose behind this paperwork shuffle…adopting Robyn’s three kids from her previous marriage. Of course, wouldn’t it have been more prudent to find out if said children’s biological father was willing to terminate his parental rights before shifting the family dynamic? Janelle and Christine are secondary players in this triangle, and they don’t seem all that bothered by it. 

Kody has come to the realization that he’s got a lot of children, and having a lot of kids is hard when you have to tackle such tough topics like building a new play-set for the younger kids, newly engaged Madison joining the LDS church, and adopting Robyn’s three children. The moms call in Robyn’s children and clumsily try to explain the paperwork shuffle that will allow Kody to adopt them once they get the green light from their father. Robyn’s oldest daughter is over the moon. Kody reminds the children of Meri’s part in this deal, and they all offer up hugs of thanks.  

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Bethenny Frankel - RHONY 100th Episode

Last night Real Housewives Of New York turned 100 and kept it 100! Andy Cohen checked in one-on-one with all of the current cast, Aviva Drescher, and also Kelly Bensimon who shared some really illumination information about her version of Scary Island, the issues with Bethenny Frankel, and more. It made me all the more le sad that Le’ Ladies New York are done for this season! 

It’s clear that Bethenny has become the omnipotent narrator of RHONY; the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-describing prophet who speaks of success and failures with aplomb and certainty. It’s not a bad role for her, and she clearly relishes in it (and clearly isn’t glad her talk show ended!). 

For the 100th episode, I was pleasantly surprised how candid and willing the ladies were to share their side of the stories – and I’m also super glad Bravo allowed them to really go IN. I appreciated Bravo not pretending viewers don’t understand things such as editing!

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 Workout-Little-Women-LA-001

On last night’s Little Women: LA, stressful situations prevailed. Christy McGinty and hubby Todd underwent their first uncomfortable round of artificial insemination, while Terra Jole, Jasmine Sorge, Brittney Guzman and Briana Manson underwent an even more uncomfortable round of fat-burning and Tonya Banks irrational anger at the taping of her Little Boss Body Workout video.

We begin at Terra’s house where she’s having Elena Gant and Tonya heft a stone bird bath out to her back yard. They break for wine and discuss Tonya’s upcoming workout video. Tonya’s dream is to educate little people about how to stay fit and healthy. Elena’s dreams are to get re-married to Preston so he can continue to fund her other dreams. She isn’t thinking about colors, or bridesmaids, or maids of honor yet…but Terra wants to know everything. In Russia, it’s simpler, says Elena. She just wants the wedding of her dreams she didn’t get to have the first time around.

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below deck emile rocky

“Yeah, never thought I’d be on a boat. It’s a big blue watery road. Poseidon, look at me! Never thought I’d see the day, with a big boat comin’ my way…believe me when I say I f*&$ed a mermaid!” Well, not quite. Right, Emile? I hate to use Lonely Island’s song two weeks in a row (False. I LOVE everything about it), but given the theme of last night’s Below Deck, it was definitely fitting. Plus, who doesn’t love T-Pain? 

The episode begins with Don Abenante douchily (new word?) peacing out on Captain Lee Rosbach and bosun Eddie Lucas. As he leaves the bridge, he summons Kate Chastain on to the deck as Eddie reveals the news to Amy Johnson. Don gripes to Kate about feeling under-appreciated and being called out for something as stupid as a quick ocean dip, and she supports his decision to leave if it’s not for him. Dean is napping while his guests lounge in the hot tub as the the tale of Don’s demise travels through the crew. Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow is shocked, Connie Arias is thrilled, and Emile Kotze can’t imagine being a quitter. With Don back on solid ground, Rocky has once again set her sights on young Emile. Sure he’s immature, but that’s how she likes him. Chatting with Amy, Rocky determines that maybe Eddie would be a good conquest as well. Amy reminds her of Eddie’s long-time girlfriend, but Rocky doesn’t care.

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Meghan Goes Too Far on RHOC

Confusing times on Real Housewives Of Orange County! Brooks makes me suspicious, yet Meghan Edmonds makes me equally suspicious. Whose motive is weirder?! I love a mystery – Veronica Mars is my favorite show, but Meghan makes amateur private investigators everywhere look psycho. 

Brooks Ayers is a professional liar, smooth as snake oil and slathering it on Vicki Gunvalson as the serum of youth. Meghan is a two-bit phony, but she has two luxuries: Time and Vendetta (and internet access). This will not end well. 

Things begin with Meghan meeting Heather Dubrow and Shannon for dinner. Everyone gets along now because Shannon saw the light that Meghan is always right (AKA, get along well enough to talk ish about Vicki).

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