Chelsea and three of her girlfriends make Cole DeBoer drive them to a wedding venue several hours away. Does Cole have friends? It seems odd to me that he would go on this trip unless he has nothing better to do. I’d rather stay home and babysit Chelsea’s mammoth dog and Pete-Pete. Before they head out, the girls and the hair monster living on Chelsea’s head push Mary’s car out of a snow drift.
At Brandi Redmond‘s house, it is no surprise that her morning begins with poop. Dog poop, specifically, from the dog who has a name which isn’t “..butt.” They also have a rabbit. Apparently Brandi’s mom is running around Texas randomly collecting animals and dispensing them on her doorstep just to annoy Brandi‘s husband, Bryan. The only prerequisite is the animal must be snow white, (and incontinent?).
Rachel McAdams is busy filming amazing movies, and Lindsay Lohan is busy doing whatever it is that Lindsay does, so it’s safe to say that when Tina Fey placed the call for a Mean Girls reunion, the cast of Southern Charm obliged. Let’s skip over the the fact that the crew started last night’s episode the morning after Patricia Altschul‘s flamingo party (I won’t mention that Whitney Sudler-Smith was eating a hot dog for breakfast, but I will note that Michael the butler is having to tidy up after the ruckus).
Craig Conover‘s residence with girlfriend Naomie at her parents’ gorgeous marsh front home in West Ashley has been sold, so the pair is moving to her fixer-upper (read: amazing house) in Mount Pleasant. Craig is fine with this turn of events, as he’d rather live on the streets with Naomie as opposed to in a castle without her. That’s romance, dear readers. Naomie wants the details on Pat’s party, and Craig sheepishly admits that he may have created some of the drama surrounding Thomas Ravenel and Jennifer Snowden‘s showdown, as well as Whitney’s disdain for Kathryn. He provides a lengthy explanation about Kathryn being a trophy that he no longer wanted after Shep tapped that, but he is positive that Whitney is still brewing with jealously.
This week, the Shahs of Sunset continue to contemplate how to break through to their old friend Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi, who is struggling with issues of anger and excessive drinking. A group trip is in order and they waste no time getting the show on the road, so to speak.
GG is in her apartment, cleaning her knives and feeling sorry for herself because of her “declining health” with Rheumatoid Arthritis. I guess Asa Soltan Rahmati got the invite for this pity party and stops by to give GG her “magical” green sauce. Does everything in Asa’s life have magical powers? Note that GG has no problem shoveling carrots and green sauce into her mouth with her RA-riddled hand. GG begins to tell Asa about her fight with Mercedes “MJ” Javid and decides they all need to remember why they fell in love with each other in the first place. GG suggests the best way to do that is to go camping with the group so no one can hear their screams. They call Reza Farahan to explain the plan and he feigns excitement but agrees. GG gives Asa a hearty high-five (with her bad hand).
Bethenny told us over and over again how cool her party was supposed to be – hot dogs! s’mores! Moscow Mules! Skinnygirl coffee cups! Yet, there for the grace of ungainliness go John, Dorinda Medley‘s boyfriend, a fetid protrusion who dropped a big old stink over the party, thus ruining it for The Big B. Her poor friend Carole Radziwill was equally besieged – the ghost of Countesses Past trailing her through the party seeking absolution? Resolution? Nah – actually a casually polite conversation.
It was a crisp, cool day and that something in the air was pervasive. I don’t think it was the smell of wienies roasting, but that was happening too (metaphor alert!). Pre-party, Dorinda gave John a Cliffs Notes course on etiquette and ran through How To Apologize flashcards to prepare him for seeing Bethenny, but there is no turning back time there. Some stains just simply will not budge – John apparently being one of them!
It’s been a season of revelation and procreation, and here we are at the end of it all! Season 4 of Little Women: LA ended on a sour note for Briana Renee, whose long-maligned husband, Matt Ericson, was discovered sending d*ck pics yet again to multiple women. To make matters worse, Briana was pregnant at the time with Matt’s spawn baby. And in further heartbreaking news, Briana was rushed to the hospital just this week for pre-term contractions (she’s 6 months pregnant right now) due perhaps, in part, to stress. The situation is sad, no matter how you look at it. But Briana and Matt are capitalizing on their gigantic crapfest of a relationship with a 2-hour Lifetime special May 11 anyway! Because Briana’s family has not been humiliated enough yet? Cripes.
In the mean time, the ladies sat down for a season 4 reunion with a new host (Thank you Jesus!! Last season’s was a passive aggressive wreck!!) to dish the dirt on everything from Matt’s sexting proclivities to Christy McGinity’s totally-legitimate-and-medically-proven “brain injury” to Tonya Banks’ desperate attempt at trapping her a live Kerwin! (Although we’ll only get to a small portion of this mess in part 1.) Yee haw! Let’s get to it.
Here’s what the women of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills don’t get: We do want a fabulous story – even if it means running over the “dead bodies” of dull Housewives filled with overly-inflated hubrises. IfLisa Vanderpump wants to be the metaphorical “Dexter” of Bravo, then by all means, do. Especially if it means I, as a viewer, get more exposure to diamonds and mini horses, than I do IV fluids and arguments about nothing. This show is supposed to be about glamour, which is why I don’t mind Kyle Richards wearing a ballgown to her BBQ and having it catered by a team of gourmet George Foreman Grill experts. We can get paper plates, hot dogs, and beer in our own backyards!
Eileen Davidson may label it “manipulative” (a word she has uttered so many times I swear someone at Merriam-Webster is paying her to make it a ‘thing’. Or maybe she just learned it and is over-eager to just drop it like it’s hot. It’s not.), but what Eileen fails to comprehend is what the viewers crave and expect from a show ostensibly about the lives of the uber-rich. This is not Unsolved Mysteries – we don’t care about ‘finding the truth’ or uncovering facts. We want glitter and we want it NOW!
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Dallas, marital issues caused everyone’s favorite classy lady Brandi Redmond to get wild at a strip club, meanwhile everyone’s other favorite (self-proclaimed) classy lady LeeAnne Locken continued her tirade as a poor man’s carnie attraction version of Emily Post! Now she’s making threats about bowing people. Is this the middle ages? Like bow and arrows?
Brandi’s husband Bryan constantly travels. She feels like he never pays attention to her, which must explain her clown makeup? Brandi and Stephanie Hollman hire baby sitters for a mom’s night out of getting “white girl drunk” (Jesus turns water into wine, and white girls turn it into bad behavior!). After a few glasses of champagne, they invite Cary Deuber to join them. She agrees to “one drink.”