Recaps

Cynthia and Porsha brawl on RHOA boat trip

Well, as you know, no classy boat ride around Lake Lanier is complete without two squalling Real Housewives Of Atlanta! It’s basically a ‘What To Pack For Your Boat Cruise’ Essential – following sunscreen, and before AfterBurn Aloe. 

Yeah, I don’t know who escalated Cynthia Bailey and Porsha Williams‘ fight, but one thing I do know is that I’m super, ultra relieved it doesn’t appear the fallout will drag on all season, and into the next, and into the next, and into the next until I contemplate throwing them both overboard into Lake Lanier, Atlanta’s unofficial morgue, without a lifejacket, so they are stuck fending for themselves amid the ghosts. Well, at least Phaedra Parks said there were ghosts in that lake. 

Anyway, to briefly recap Fight Float, there are “fake as f–k” women causing “fake as f–k fights,” there are fingers in faces, then fingers being grabbed, there is Porsha starting to stand-straddle? (adjusting her position?) – I don’t know – over Cynthia’s lawn chair. Then all of the sudden Cynthia kicks Porsha in the crotchal region! Shocking, yes. But I was mostly relieved no one’s pants burst because, holy crap, I would not be getting all acrobatic and ‘Hi-Yah! Housewives’ in pants that tight!

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Mark-Nikki-Beach-90-Day-Fiance

My, how far we’ve come in just two months – or for these couples, ninety days! Unexpected twists and turns, with a little sketchy behavior thrown in for good measure, have followed each couple since their K-1 Visa clocks began ticking. From roach infested hovels, true love has bloomed. Bank accounts were drained dry, and evil prenups were signed. Dancers turned Mormon, and Mark turned our stomachs. But poor, brow-beaten Alexei did not turn into a model! So, all is not lost! This week marks the end of our 90-Day Fiance journey, where we find out if the remaining couples will indeed make it to the altar. (Post-show, the cast gathered for a “Couples Tell All” reunion, which we aren’t recapping. But sound off below about your thoughts on the whole shebang! It’s been quite a ride.)

Mark is preparing a dinner for Nikki’s 20th birthday. So, no longer a teen bride! They’re leaving for Hawaii the next day to get married, so Mark wants to make sure Nikki eats food laced with plenty of Benadryl is in good spirits before their big day. Mark’s daughter, Elise, comes over to wish Nikki happy birthday, and to be skeeved out about Nikki only being one year younger than her. Still reeling from the forced prenup, Nikki is in no mood for Make Party Time, but she rallies for dinner. Elise asks if they’re excited for the wedding? Marks answer is: “Whelp, for all practical purposes, Nikki and I have enjoyed each other’s company, and it feels like a marriage.” #RomeoInMomJeans 

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RHOBH season 6 Premiere Recap

The ladies are back and I can already tell the theme of this season’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills  will be mustering sympathy for Yolanda Foster‘s campaign for battling Lyme disease.

While Yolanda is permanently convalescing – now in a condo far away from the palace of lemons lightly scented with love and sprinkled with the élan of Grammys – Lisa Vanderpump is getting her workout on. A workout for Lisa includes a personal trainer in the form of LA Dodgers player EJ Ellis. 

Lisa will be throwing the ceremonial first pitch to celebrate LGBT pride at Dodgers stadium and she is super honored plus excited, but nervous. 

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reunion below deck crew

“He’s Captain Lee (Captain Lee, Captain Lee), when you crew for him, you’re working hard as can be. Fool around, you’ll scrub the decks till three. He’s rough. He’s tough. He’s alpha to a tee. Captain Lee…he’s the stud of the sea!” Can I get an “AMEN”?!?

We learned a lot of juicy little secrets on the final installment of the Below Deck reunion, didn’t we? Captain HAROLD Lee Rosbach? Respect! The reunion begins where last week’s left off…galley-gate! Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow is still accusing Kate Chastain of boozing on the clock when the fire started, and Captain Lee reminds her that former chef Leon “Beef Cheeks” Walker said she was and then admitted that she wasn’t. One way or another, he was lying. Amy Johnson skirts Andy Cohen’s direct question as to whether she’s ever seen Kate drinking on charter by responding that she thinks all of the finger pointing is petty. Andy drops the subject and moves onto my favorite Bravo promo in the history of television. Lee jokes that his wife “has gotten a lot of mileage” out of his “alpha to a tee” persona, and the crew reveals he’s a bit of a celebrity…and his first name is actually Harold, which Andy never knew. Lee’s plethora of colorful metaphors is revisited, with “when you get caught with your tit in the ringer” being everyone’s new favorite. Rocky accuses the Captain of showing support to his chief stew and head bosun, but Amy disagrees. She believes he is there for his entire crew, and Lee is quick to respond he’d lay the smack down on anyone–even Eddie Lucas–if he thought it was necessary.

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Tonight Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills season 6 premieres! Before we get into the new drama – let’s put on our Louboutins for a walk back in time through all the drama from season 5. Obviously Brandi Glanville in her Nine West pumps was trespassing! Good lord did I love last season. LOVED IT. And I just know this season will be just as good! 

Season 5 added Lisa Rinna and Eileen Davidson to the group. The addition of two soap opera stars definitely amped up the drama. After much debate, Lisa Vanderpump returned but struggled with trusting former friends Brandi and Kyle Richards again. Lisa quickly realized out she shouldn’t come within 50 yards of Brandi, but Kyle would do as a ‘Hollywood Friend’. You know what they say: Keep your friends close, your frienemies closer, and your enemies in The Valley! 

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James Kennedy's Two-Timing Is Exposed!

Last night on Vanderpump Rules everyone conspired together to sabotage James Kennedy‘s budding relationship with Lala Kent. Poor Lala – she was the unintended mature person caught in a cesspool of stupidity. 

Things start with Kristen Doute and James officially splitting. He cheated, she possibly cheated because her phone went suddenly silent. James is haunted by Kristen’s past as a two-timing psycho-confidence killer and never feels he can trust her. Imagine that…  

Kristen went home to visit family in Detroit (is that Krazy Kapital of America!?), and James thinks she hooked up with other guys. Sounds like he’s projecting to cover for the fact that he made out with Lala while Kristen was away!  While Big Mama K is away the little beanstalks will play!

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hollywood reunion

Is it possible that I’ve already forgotten half of the story lines from this season’s Love & Hip Hop Hollywood? Thanks goodness that last night’s first reunion installment brought me back up to speed! This time around, Nina Parker is tasked with keeping the cast in check, stirring the pot, rehashing the drama, and getting the heck out of the way when the inevitable messiness begins. She introduces the cast (there are some folks that maybe lasted an episode), and Hazel-E is in desperate need of a bra. Brandi missed the memo that this wasn’t a costume party, so she’s dressed as a fancy ostrich. Nina explains that Omarion and Apryl Jones were not able to join their co-stars because they have way more sense than this crew Omarion needs to focus on his music. 

Princess and Ray-J’s turbulent romance is the first story line to be recapped. Ray admits he’s made a lot of mistakes, and Princess is happy to share that the charges against her have been dropped after that whole “Ray-J let me get arrested” fiasco. She reveals that the pair is engaged after Ray popped the question on the finale. Teairra Mari interjects that Ray has TMZ on speed dial, so it’s the perfect segue into Teairra’s two-faced ways with the couple. Teairra takes offense to Ray’s accusation that she was only interfering to get him back in her bed. She calls him a liar, but she fails to come up with another logical reason for inserting herself into their relationship.

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Mike Shouhed's mistress bares all!

Earlier this month Jessica Parido, Mike Shouhed‘s wife of 8 months, filed for divorce. The reason: Mike’s incessant cheating! After discovering scandalous texts and messages from other women, Jessica learned Mike had been cheating throughout their entire relationship!  About a year ago, Mike’s (alleged) former mistress, Emerald Wilson-Bey, came forward by writing a book, My Nights With The Shah: How Not To Date A Celebrity, which detailed her racy affair with the Shahs Of Sunset star!  We’ve “sat” on this for a while, waiting for the right time to share the details and allegations from the book.

Emerald, a high-end real estate agent specializing in ‘pocket listings’ and relocation services, initially met Mike when she was on a work trip in Beverly Hills. Emerald imagined their passionate connection would translate into both sex and success! Detailing their steamy nights in the upper echelons of Beverly Hills, Emerald envisioned them becoming a power couple – instead she quickly realized Mike wasn’t nearly as single as he pretended to be. Funny how reality television exposes people’s private lives… 

Below we share some of the highlights from Emerald’s salacious story, including Mike’s reaction to learning she was writing a book, how Bravo discovered her existence, and if Jessica knew! 

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