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Oh, it's on!  Last night's two hour Dance Moms finale pitted Apples against Abby Lee Miller in an epic battle of boys versus girls.  There was drama, there were tears, and, of course, there was awesome dancing!

The ALDC is still in New York City for the competition.  Maddie, Asia, Kendall, and Chloe all have solos, and Abby is focusing on those girls as opposed to the group number.  Kelly wants to take Brooke to meet with a music producer while her daughter has some down time.  Abby dismisses Brooke although she thinks it's quite a joke.  Chloe is working on her number "My Obsession."  Is she obsessed with winning?  Dancing?  What?  Poor Chloe.  The original Christi chastises Kristie 2.0 for not being more fired up about Asia being pulled from The View performance.  Kristie claims that she and her daughter looked at The View number as any other audition.  No big deal.  That irks the other mothers to no end.

Kelly and Brooke are meeting with a music producer who is excited about the fact that Brooke's last single garnered 25,000+ downloads on iTunes.  He decides to introduce her to a former Pussycat Doll.  Emphasis on "former" or else she wouldn't be hanging out on the finale of Dance Moms.  She gives Brooke some guidance on breathing as if you really have to pee.  Is this how voice lessons work?

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On last night's episode of Don't Be Tardy something I've long believed was confirmed. Kroy Biermann, like children of Victorian England, should be seen and not heard. The more he speaks, the more… just no. 

In other occurrences Kim Zolciak demonstrated more awesome parenting and then got in a big fight with her husband over mirrors. She needs MORE MIRRORS everywhere so she can look at herself MORE TIMES. The naked photos dominating every wall aren't enough?

Things begin with Kim and KJ being cute. Ok, let me rephrase: KJ was being cute and Kim was rocking an In Living Color bandana. That was not cute. Kim tells us she knows nothing about football and since Kroy is going to the Super Bowl (in theory), she better learn the ins and outs of the game. 

I'm pretty sure Kim already has the ins and outs covered which is how she ended up married, prenup-less, with two kids in less than three years. Girl knows the game very, very well! She by SheBroke better recognize! 

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Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was a kaleidoscope of crazy. It had so much going on I didn't know where to look. We had Vicki Gunvalson and Brooks Ayers drama, Alexis Bellino's psychiatric breakdown (break through?) in the parking lot and Lydia McLaughlin showing that her true colors are bold, straight forward and every bit as Rainbow Brite as we could imagine. CHEEEESE! This girl will not do well here. Wait til she tells Tamra Barney the truth. Off with her head! 

Immediately we are transported to a deep underground tunnel of despair where Tamra is sitting at the head of the table deliberating over can stay and who can go. Lucky Alexis was plucked from group and exiled. Her angel wings spread and her golden halo glowed as she floated above the riff-raff into the parking lot. Gretchen Rossi clapped with glee as if the heathens were being eaten by lions in the Colosseum.

Lydia scampered after her; jumping on Starlite and flying towards the Tunnel of Light. Don't let them rob you of a colorful world! I would have taken off my shoes, hitched up my maxi dress, and ran screaming from that den of horrors up the delivery van loading dock and right into the limo to start guzzling champagne from the bottle. 

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Oh Teen Mom 2, whatever are we going to do without you?  Last night we bid a ninety minute farewell to Leah Messer Sims Calvert, Jenelle Evans, Kailyn Lowry, and Chelsea Houska, and MTV has yet to confirm whether they'll be back for more (please, no).  While we'll be able to keep up with Jenelle thanks to her constant arrests and rehab stints, how will keep tabs on our other favorite whiny and entitled reality stars?  What will become of Corey's camo hat?  Will Kieffer Delp be successful in his pipe selling endeavors?  So many unanswered questions–I can't bear the thought of it…

Of course, I jest.  Last night, I cried when Corey cried, and I felt such pain for Barbara as she struggled with losing her daughter to heroin.  I'm excited that Chelsea seems to be maturing–here's hoping she keeps up the good work.  These girls need to stay out of the limelight, and I really need for Jenelle to get her life in order before she ends up dead.  I can't imagine the only memories that Jace has of his mom being the same we've seen on the series.

The episode begins as Leah and Jeremy discuss Ali's big doctor's appointment over date night.  Jeremy has taken time off from work so he can be with his wife as she deals with the stress of facing Ali's potential diagnosis.

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The folks of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta just keep getting crazier and crazier, don't they?  After Mimi Faust bit Stevie J's face last week on the show after a run-in with Joseline Hernandez and Lil' Scrappy turned himself into the po-po in real life, I am convinced that this crew is going to bring even more drama this season than last…and I didn't think that could be possible!

After Stevie spends the night with Joseline, she decides that she can't handle a relationship with him knowing that Mimi is never going away.  Joseline wants to focus solely on her career, and she requests Stevie's undivided attention if he wants to stick around.  He asks her to make him breakfast before she starts her day, but Joseline is no fool.  She hits the road and leaves Stevie hungry.

Erica Dixon tells fiance Scrappy that her mother is having issues with their wedding.  She wishes her mom would be more supportive, and Scrappy is tired of both of their mothers overstepping their boundaries.  While Erica knows she'll never have Momma Dee on her side, she is confident that she can get her mom on the same page as Scrappy if she can arrange a sit down for the duo.  Scrappy concedes…he'll let Erica's mom get to know him–and his multiple personalities.

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I spy with my little eye … self-serving agendas, freaky foreheads, and Monster High inspired eye shadow … it must be Married to Medicine

This week's episode begins with Duncan and Kari Wells, talking business and going over space plans for the medical office building they own. There's one floor still unfinished, and Kari invites Dr. Simone Whitmore to check it out. Duncan asks about Aydin, who had agreed to look at the space, but Kari shoots down the idea. Aydin is married to Mariah Huq, she reminds, and that comes with some serious baggage. 

Meanwhile, Eugene and Toya Harris go over the plans for their upcoming Halloween party, the Spookey Ookey. First things first, Eugene wants to know how much money is being spent on the party, and I bust out laughing. Poor neutered Eugene … he's so cute … As expected, Toya's like, bitch, please and brings up more pressing issues, like Mariah's invitation to the party. Together, Eugene and Toys decide to un-invite Mariah and her family from the Spookey Ookey. Toya sends Mariah an email that reads like a college denial letter. 

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On tonight’s finale episode of The Rachel Zoe Project, Rodger Berman has babies on the brain while Rachel Zoe is swept up in photo shoots, look books and gold lamé dresses.

Things begin with Rachel and Rodger in bed with bed hair. Rodger thinks he rocks the bed head look. Rachel thinks that between the two of them their hair is a disaster. I concur. Rodger disagrees and thinks his wife’s bed hair is sexy and basically launches himself on her like a catapult in the hopes of sexytimes. However Rachel summons extreme strength from the fashion Gods and basically uses a force field to fend off her desperate for baby #2 husband. Rodger says he wants a baby, however, Rachel doesn’t. For the first time all season, I am siding with Rodger.  Considering what cutie patootey kids these two make, I’m all for it. New Campaign starts today: #SiblingForSky!

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NOOOOOooooooooooooo!  In what has to be the shortest "season" in television history, this season of Duck Dynasty ended last night in an hour of awesomeness…Hawaiian style.  Willie, Si, Jase, and Phil treat their family to a much needed island vacay, and, as always, hilarity ensues.  I'm going to miss the Robertson group.  Thank goodness for re-runs!

Si makes the mistake of going to see the movie Ted, and he's scarred for life.  What's next?  Care Bear gangs?  Paddington Bear doing drugs?  Pooh holding Piglet hostage?  Oh, the humanity.  As he shares his cinematic mishap with Jase, he's upset to learn from Jep that Willie now expects them all to work standing up in the warehouse.  Willie has installed a bunch of desks that move upwards on hydraulic lifts.  When Jase confronts his brother for his new productivity initiative, he explains to Willie that they need to quit working so hard and take a day–or six–off from the daily grind.

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