On last night’s Celebrity Apprentice, both teams had to run improvisational puppet shows. Product placement department was really asleep at the wheel this week, since there was no corporate sponsor constantly being complemented. Ivanka Trump could barely bring herself to say “the executives” in the boardroom.
Since all shows on television now air on Sunday night, I’ll remind you that Lou Ferrigno was fired last week for only giving half of his usual “110%.” Lisa and Dayana shuffle back into the boardroom, Clay Aiken makes a snarky comment, which Lisa immediately overreacted to. Lisa, the woman who makes her living making fun of others, can dish it but certainly can not take it.
On this week’s task, Lisa Lampanelli elects herself as project manager in an attempt to finally win something, and Clay is shuffled over to Forte. Nice work, producers! Paul Teutul decides to manage this task, which is kinda weird. Aubrey O’Day would have been a shoe-in. Her hair alone is practically its own puppet!
Someone must have had a talk with Aubrey about her dominating ways because she decides to take a step back and let Paul run the show. And, since this is a different universe,Arsenio Hall & Aubrey are cool with each other! See what happens after you call your teammate a “See you next Tuesday!” You become friends afterwards. Paul had an injury the day before they start preparing for the act, so he is basically useless. Both teams get a lot of training on this task, in both, actual improv and puppeteering. Teresa Giudice loves that the improv guys encourage not knowing what you’re talking about. Do I really have to write a joke here? You know what to do, commenters! Take this and run with it. You’ve been given a gift.
On last night’s episode of Mob Wives, the shiz hit the fan as Renee Graziano continued to deal with the fall-out from Junior Pagan. Renee worried that karma would find her and all of Staten Island would turn on her, just like she turned on Karen Gravano! Luckily for Renee, her friends stood by her and she even had an epiphany. Which, was over-shadowed by some drama concerning her best frienemy Carla Facciolo.
Things begin with an all too real and extremely distraught Renee learning that Junior‘s rat behavior has become front page news. As in everyone is talking about it and everyone knows she’s in love with a rat. Renee is in a tailspin worrying about what everyone is going to think and how she will be treated by her circle. It seems Junior’s cheating ways cannot be quelled and, unfortunately, he’s cheating with the feds this time! And the feds do not a good mistress make.
Someone who knows all too well about having a rat in the family, is Karen. Karen calls her mom to discuss what Renee is going through. Karen’s mother is empathetic to Renee’s plight and especially for how AJ will suffer from his father’s actions. Karen describes her mom as the family rock who held everything together and still does.
Learning of Junior‘s actions has forced Drita D’avanzo to reconsider the state of her relationship with Renee and she decides to pay her a visit. Drita is afraid—who wouldn’t be—but decides to put her fear in her purse. Renee answers the door, unarmed and alone, and not even wearing make-up. She’s a mess. Drita is sympathetic and offers Renee a hug and a shoulder to cry on.
Renee and Drita discuss Junior‘s betrayal, and Renee reveals that he was in cohorts with the feds before moving back in with her and before restarting their relationship. The realization that Junior not only ratted out her father, but used her to garner more information about her family is devastating. Drita is overcome with emotion and tears up. Renee, oh poor Renee. A broken Renee just wants to know the truth about Junior’s intentions for getting a back together.
Paralleling the effects of rattism years later, Karen is recording her book for audio release. As she struggles through Chapter 11, the memories are still painful for her. Everyone wants to know who and what is in Karen’s book and regardless of whether he likes it or not, one Lee D’avanzo has a prominent role in the story. Despite Lee’s insistence that he and Karen were scarcely a thing, Karen is holding firm to the notion that he was not only a huge part of her life, but that he betrayed both she and her father. Drita, of course, will also have a place as the least loyal friend who ever lived and the one person Karen cannot forgive. Karen doesn’t care who’s mad – sometimes the truth isn’t what people want to hear. Amen sister!
Drita announces she is training for a boxing match. Drita grew up boxing. Boxing is second nature to her; like putting lipstick, loving a man named Lee, and slurping wine with Carla. Drita’s prized possession is her mean right hook. And she believes training to box will help her channel some of her aggression. Sadly, during a sparring match she kinda loses it and ends up reverting to her kick boxing survival ways and kicks her trainer. Uhhh… this isn’t Mortal Kombat!
Big Ang Raiola pays a visit to Renee, who is quarantined at home and has taken up permanent residence on her sofa with a box of tissues and the newspaper bearing Junior‘s betrayal. Big And is wise and soulful, counseling Renee to go on for AJ‘s sake and reminding her that she mustn’t let this destroy her. Renee reveals that the worst part of all of this is being called a rat herself; which is both shocking and horrible. This has helped Renee put Karen‘s situation into perspective and she doesn’t want AJ to be treated the way Karen was when she returned home to Staten Island. At least Renee’s priorities are in whack!
The next day Karen stops by. When she arrives, Renee is up and moving around and she has lipgloss on! Victory in small things! Renee is also packing up Junior‘s belongings. Renee admits this has been the wake-up call, really the tidal wave of wake-up calls and reality has now come crashing down. She recognizes just how unsavory being a mafia princess really is and for the first time she is truly willing and ready to abandon the lifestyle which has become her identity and her sense of self.
Renee has been forced to reassess her entire life. Unfortunately, she also realized there is no more one big happy family when it comes to Junior. She has not only lost the love of her life, and her father, but also her identity.
Last night’s Survivor was just another cut-throat edition of boys against the girls, with the girls winning…as we always do.
At the merged Tikiano, Model Jay seems to be down with the ladies while Tarzan shares with Troyzan his fears about the gender breakdown. Troyzan knows he has an immunity idol, yet he reminds Tarzan that it’s still to be retrieved. The group goes to find tree-mail, but instead is met with a chalk board, some pegs and logs, and a letter which is not to be opened until everyone is together. The tribe must divide themselves into two teams and finish the intricate challenge. The winners will be rewarded with a boat ride and a barbeque festival…where do I sign up?
The group decides that the fairest course is to randomly draw names. The first team is Troy, Jay, Alicia, Kat, and Tarzan. The second team is Lief and the remaining ladies. Troyzan elects himself to be host of the game. Oh gracious…this is ladder ball, or ladder golf, or horse balls…regardless I have played this game multiple times on Sullivans’ Island. I am about as good at it as the castaways, which reads to be HORRIBLE. Somehow the “red” team wins, even though both groups had poor showings. Regardless, the red team is treated to an amazing feast.
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, Tamra Barney got her titties (not to be confused with tits) reduced, Vicki Gunvalson ran like the devil from a white trash harlot itching for a fight. Gretchen Rossi‘s singing caused me to pause the television so I could belly laugh for approximately five minutes. And Heather Dubrow hosted a bowling party … which got quite dramatic.
Things start out with our fair maiden Tamra visiting the manor atop a hill overlooking the sea. No this isn’t Once Upon A Time, it’s still RHOC and Tamra is merely visiting Heather‘s house. She muses about the view while gulping over the sheer abundance. See, unlike the ladies of RHOBH Tamra isn’t used to such opulence or actual wealth.
Heather calms Tammie Sue down by pouring wine down her throat and then announces she is hosting a bowling and champs party. Except champs is pronounced shamps. Heather finds this to be a clever thing to do and is quite amused with herself for coming up with another unconventional party to keep the ladies on their toes. She loves mixing the up with the down and the fun with the irregular – like taking a helicopter to LA for the day, for instance. She cited that as an actual example.
Heather reveals her true motivation is not to show off her quirky, yet classy, party planning techniques but to get the girls together to mend fences. And there went the class she was anticipating – out the window, over the cliffs, and right on into the Pacific. Maybe some lifeguard will pick it up down in Juarez (if the ocean current even runs that way – geography eludes me).
Tamra gulps back her wine, smiles a tense smile, and comments that, like, Vicki and Gretchen kind of hate each other. Heather smiles, nods, and is like ‘duh, that’s the point!’ in response. Heather has the oddest smile doesn’t she? It’s like the Chesire Cat grin with no teeth? I’m not the only one seeing this, am I? Maybe I shouldn’t drink wine and watch HW?
One other small snafu – Tamra will not be able to attend. She’s getting her titties reduced that week and will be out for the count. No bowling and champers for this girl. Too bad, cause I bet Tammie Sue had a mean strike back in ’85 when she was the hook-up queen of BFE, Idaho or wherever she’s from. All big hair and bigger balls. But not quite those big bazoonkas – those came later when she became the hook-up queen of ’98 in Orange County.
Tamra and Heather talk Brooks Ayers and Vicki. Tamra, proving she’s a good friend, is worried for Vicki because she thinks Brooks is a little like a shark who smells blood in the water and is swooping in for the kill. He senses that Vicki is vulnerable and tired of her love tank running on fumes, so he’s saying anything in his power to sweet talk the little rich desperada.
Proving just that, Brooks and Vicki do lunch and he opens the date with a card. Is this man keeping Hallmark in business or what? Does Vicki need a storage unit to house all those affirmations? Does she have a special box devoted to the cards that reassure her she does not look like Miss Piggy? Vicki says Brooks wants to move here, but is worried about leaving his children behind.
Anyway, Vicki and Brooks talk their love and it’s gross and I’m glad I wasn’t eating alongside them cause I would have surely asked for a doggybag and high tailed it out of there. Then Brooks asks Vicki what assets she’s getting in the divorce from Donn. That was so awkward. You know Bravo forced him to bring that up. She’s getting the big house, the house Jeana sold her that has tanked in value because Slave‘s stuff was hogging up the garage for close to a decade, and her retirement fund. Donn gets the beach house. And the dog.
Vicki tells us their love is a beautiful, fun ride down a winding scenic road and she is so thrilled that all her tanks are full. ALL her tanks? Is she the Starship Enterprise? She has reserve fuel now? Then she admits Brooks has access to all her accounts – email, banking, off-shore savings, whatever. A fun ride indeed – Vicki’s bank account is about to be as empty as her love tank. She loves that Brooks is romantical, unlike Donn who didn’t blow the mortgage payment on greeting cards. Loser. Tamra is right – this reeks of disaster!
Heather completes a Housewives rite of passage – the speakerphone invitation. Alexis can’t come ’cause she can’t bend over due to her nose job recovery. And Gretchen‘s voicemail insists you call Slave if you want to get a hold of her. So, lemme get this straight – Slave doesn’t work for Gretch, yet he fields her calls and deals with all her requests? Cause that sounds like what a personal assistant does? Is he her Slaveretary?
Alexis Bellino can’t bend over, but she can embarrass herself on the news. Seriously – was this Fox5′s idea of a practical joke? She does her make-up in the public restroom, then rushes out on stage and flubs one of the guest’s names. I kept waiting for her to mispronounce Adriana as areola or something. Then she kept interrupting the panel – which was on kids – and treating it as her own personal therapy session.
Surely this woman is not being paid? Alexis, proving that all the peroxide hair dying has destroyed the few brain cells she ever had, reveals that she wants her own show and she is, like, totally qualified because she took a journalism class in college. First of all – she went to college? AHA! AHA HA! Yeah, Not buying that! Second of all – remember all that stuff that was supposedly removed from her sinuses? I’m pretty sure those were actually her three remaining brain cells.
And all roads apparently lead to delusion tonight, because Gretchen is in the car with Slave driving to a voice coach for her Pussycat Dolls Appearance. Didn’t you know – they’re like a world-renowned dance troupe? Anyway, she’s on the phone telling someone that she strained her vocal chords screaming at Vicki and they’ve never recovered.
At the voice lesson she cannot even muster a chord. Nor is she allowed to speak to the vocal coach because Slave keeps interrupting to explain that Gretchen shouldn’t talk cause she’s straining her voice. Who else thinks he’s just trying to shut her up? Seriously – both of them please play the silent game. For the rest of the season.
Then Gretch starts practicing her scales. And all I can say is that vocal coach’s facial expressions made last night’s episode all worth it for me. That “singing” was like an American Idol reject audition. Oh, holy it was bad. Worse than bad. It was … wow – I don’t have words.
Alexis and her king do dinner. It’s date night! So Jim Bellino ruins it by telling Alexis her job is pathetic and she should basically stay at home in rent-a-mcmansion of the week and wash dishes. Right after Alexis gets done talking about how proud she is that she helped provide for her family in a bad economy while Jim’s scamming suffered and how she is so happy they could work together; Jim reminds her that when they married they became the same flesh. Except her half of the flesh does a lot of cleaning and not a lot of bread-winning.
He then tells her that while Alexis Couture is still pretty much a joke, it can stay if she continues running it from the basement, but Fox 5 needs to go. According to him Alexis only agreed to do it because she has a hard time telling people no. Clearly she would rather be at home hard-boiling eggs. Alexis is furious and retaliates by savagely chomping her poor french fry.
Oh Jim. Remember when you swore that you were not going to appear on camera because this show made you look bad? Well, perhaps you should revisit that proclamation because once again you are looking like a misogynistic ass. Although, a part of me believes he just wants Alexis to save herself the embarrassment of further faux newscastering. Good lord – she is awful! Maybe it was goodness and kindness and love that made him tell her to quit. Or maybe he was mortified by her weekly news cameltoe and cleavage display.
Poor Alexis squeakingly admits in her ITM that she doesn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom anymore. Then she looks around to check if Jim is lurking behind her eavesdropping. You make that money girl – you need it to pay for the divorce attorney!
Tammie Sue is getting her old titties yanked out in exchange for some natural-sized boobies. She’s nervous as heck, but it’s sure as hell better than keeping the boobs Simon forced her to get. I like her style. She can wrap up the old implants and send them to Simon for Christmas. Eddie has serious concerns about these new so-called small boobs, but Tamra is resolved.
And reason no 6,476 why I wouldn’t be on a reality show: being contractually obligated to participate in post-op filming. <<shudder>> After calling Vicki, who is too busy raising money to pay for Donn‘s alimony and Brooks‘ child support working, here comes Gretchy, sucking up. Gretchen could come ’cause she has no job to speak of. I thought she wasn’t allowed to talk? She reapplies Tamra’s lipgloss, which is apparently more necessary than water, and whips out a bottle of Penis Tequila.
After the second episode of Dance Moms: Miami, I must stick to my brazen statement that I like this one more than the original. Don’t get me wrong, I love Abby Lee and the crew, but that was just a crazy dance instructor and some pseudo-normal moms (for the most part…for the most part). I LOVE Victor and Angel. I love that they are passionate about what they do, but they are not hateful and crazy—unless they are dealing with these basketcase mothers. They blatantly call the women insane, and it is fabulous.
Last night we started with my man Lucas at the top of the list, mainly for not dropping Kimmy during the pair’s duet. Kimmy’s mom is thrilled see her place second, although Kimmy thinks a tie would have been more appropriate. Sammy isn’t keen on being third, and Susan is in tears that Jessi’s name must be in the bottom two. Jessi placed second in her solo for Pete’s sake! Hannah takes the fourth spot, even though Angel and Victor cite her improvement. Jessi fell from the number one spot last week to last on the list.
Victor blames Jessi’s poor sportsmanship for the drastic turn of events. She is in tears but has nothing to say for herself. Susan is livid. The only reason Jessi snatched the trophy out of Hannah’s hands was because Hannah wouldn’t give it to her when she asked for it. Because that makes it all right? The girl is fourteen-years-old having a spat with a ten-year-old? Susan tells Debi that both of their daughters are to blame, and Debi won’t hear any of it. The women are screaming at each other, and Angel tries to remind them that they are behaving this way in front of their children. He refers to them as psychotic b*tches, and he is definitely on to something. Susan takes Jessi outside, stating that her past behavior has been an embarrassment. Hmm…I wonder if Jessi isn’t thinking the exact same thing! Susan instructs her to go back into the studio and apologize to Victor, Hannah, and her other fellow dancers.
The competition this week is in Long Beach, California. The group dance is revisiting jazz-funk, and Lucas scores a solo. Sammy and Hannah are also going to be dancing solo numbers. Debi is so excited that Hannah will be competing against her other arch nemesis, Sammy. The group dance centers around “party boy” Lucas, new in the city. Jessi returns and Angel makes her apologize to the group. Victor comforts her because hey, she didn’t choose her cuckoo mother. Angel thinks Victor is reinforcing bad behavior. Susan tries to apologize to Angel, and he rakes her over the coals. It was pretty awesome. He makes no secret of thinking she’s five-star crazy.
After a mediocre group dance practice, Angel promises to pull out of the competition if they don’t show vast improvement. Hannah is doing a contemporary solo. I know nothing about dance, so while she is probably amazing, the choreography reminds me of something Chuck Norris would do. Sammy will be dancing a jazz solo, and little Lolita is sporting some bright red lipstick. Angel dislikes Victor’s choreography and their arguing is placing more stress on Sammy. Lucas’ solo is entitled “I Believe in Something” and it’s lyrical. Basically it is just a lot of sad dancing by my little Biebs. The mothers just look on from their sofas providing meaningless commentary. Victor declares Lucas to be “amazing.”
The jazz-funk group dance is one hot mess. Susan thinks Victor has PMS. Ani has no problem with Victor yelling at Kimmy. After all, football coaches yell at their players. This is no different. Angel has had enough of the group being off-beat, and he dismisses them…basically stating that he can’t stand the sight of them. Victor is peeved, as clearly they need this time to practice. Angel wins, per the usual.
Debi’s older daughter is home from college, and Debi reveals that Abby has joined the studio. The scandal! Basically Hannah’s mother and sister are talking about how she wasn’t nearly as good a dancer at her old studio while talking smack about another tween. I could maybe understand tween dissing tween, but this woman is just as ridiculous as Susan. These ladies are clearly living vicariously through their poor daughters!
Angel tries to a team building exercise the following day where the kids basically tell each other how each feels about their fellow classmates. The mothers look curiously from their perch on the sofas…they have never seen anything like this before. Angel then instructs Jessi to tell her mother what Susan needs to improve upon as far as behavior. Oh snap!
The mothers watch Hannah rehearse, and both Debi and Abby’s horns are showing. These two dislike the others’ daughters more than the girls dislike each other…which, for the record, they seem to be fine but slightly competitive. Sammy’s practice time is cut short due to drama between Victor and Angel. Angel has stepped in to tweak Victor’s choreography. It’s a good thing that Kimmy’s mom can read lips through the glass partition so that the women can follow the disagreement.
Lindsey Harrison is a teenager from Reno, Nevada. She lives with her mother and younger sister in a space so small, she and her sister share a bed. She also has two older sisters who no longer live at home, but all of the girls are super close. Lindsey has been with her boyfriend Forest Ponce for three years…oh, and she aspires to be a detective and a cage fighter. Yes, you read that correctly. Hmm…what else can I say about Lindsey? Oh yes, she’s 16 and Pregnant of course! Lindsey also sports a giant tattoo across her belly…
Lindsey reveals to her friends that the couple often used condoms, but once time they forgot and she didn’t get pregnant. Because of this, they felt they could be more lax with contraceptives. Both Lindsey’s mother and boyfriend had hoped she would get an abortion. Forest even broke up with Lindsey for a few months when she decided to keep the baby. Now, however, he seems excited about having a daughter who they are planning to name Aniyah. Keeping it in the franchise, I must note that Forest looks like the love child of Chelsea Houska’sAdam Lind and Jenelle’s mistake Kieffer Delp. Attractive, no? Lindsey is glad that Forrest is being more supportive, but she really wishes he would take the initiative to get a job.
Lindsey is hanging out with her older sister Dallas. She tells her sister that she now must put aside her dreams of going pro with cage fighting at age eighteen. Lindsey hasn’t even told her trainer that she is pregnant since he is such a father figure to her. In an effort to spark her enthusiasm, Lindsey’s mother encourages her to go to a cage match. Lindsey is concerned that she’ll see someone she used to train with who will reveal her secret to her trainer. She and her mother are bickering a lot, so she finds herself spending a lot of time at Forest’s house. Lindsey hopes he’ll want her to move in with him. They both think that makes the most sense for their growing family.
Lindsey goes shopping for baby gear and is a bit defeated to find out how much the necessities will cost. She lunches with Forest, and basically they can afford the crib. As she’s the only one with a job, he is going to need to step up to the plate. He promises to start looking. Lindsey discusses potentially moving in with Forest with her other older sister Lacey. She thinks that if they live separately, both homes must be equipped for their daughter, essentially doubling the cost. Lacey seems skeptical about Forest helping as much as Lindsey expects.
After a week, Forest has yet to start his job search while Lindsey is seven months pregnant and taking on extra shifts at McDonald’s. Over dinner with Forest and his mom and sister, his mother broaches the subject of Lindsey moving in with the family. His mom Dora doesn’t want her son working and trying to go to school and complete his homework. Apparently, it’s okay that Lindsey does though. The couple argues after dinner, and it ends with Forest hanging up on Lindsey.
Later that night, Lindsey starts to have contractions…very scary considering she is still two months from her due date. Of course, Forest refuses to answer his phone. She’s admitted to the hospital. They schedule a shot to clear out the baby’s lungs in the event Lindsey goes into pre-term labor. As early as it is, there is a risk the baby’s lungs haven’t fully developed. The following day, Lindsey’s contractions have subsided, and she is frustrated that she still has yet to hear from Forest. She is released from the hospital and ordered to adhere to strict bed rest. Her sister Dallas comes to retrieve her from the hospital and is disgusted to hear how Forest is acting. She thinks Lindsey deserves much better than Forest. I tend to agree.
Last night’s episode of Bethenny Ever After was all about good-byes and changes as Coordinator of Chaos Julie Plake announced she would be moving home to focus on her own life after years with the Skinnygirl team. Bethenny Frankel also contemplated having husband Jason Hoppy work with her and help run the Skinnygirl empire. Did I mention Bethenny is running an empire, cause she is, just in case you forgot. She’s, like, kinda the biggest deal since, like, sliced bread. Or bottled cocktails – which never, ever existed before Skinnygirl came along.
Ok, I have to admit after a couple of episodes of really liking Bethenny again, last night she was grating on my nerves with her constant pity party and I’m so amazing nonsense. We get it – you built a successful business on your own. You are NOT, Madame Frankel, running the United States from your 3-bedroom- apartment in TriBeCa with only two twenty-something assistants who can barely send an email. Stop trying to pretend you are.
Anyway, things begin with Julie sitting Bethenny down to discuss her future. Julie lets Bethenny know the time has come for her to say good-bye. Julie will be moving home to Pittsburgh and focusing on her relationship with Drew because she’s completely burned out by giving her life to Bethenny. Bethenny is upset, but supportive, and openly admits that while Julie is great at her job – the job is probably not the right fit for Julie emotionally. Bethenny also recognizes what an agonizing decision this has been for Julie. She handled it with class and gratitude – it was nice.
While sharing the news with Jason, Jackie, and Maggie; Bethenny looks like he’s gagging on that Skinnygirl cleanse she’s drinking. Jason is sad and seems genuinely upset that Julie will be leaving their family, but he is apparently pondering leaving his job to join the Skinnygirl team. In Julie’s absence, Jackie and Maggie will be promoted. Bethenny worries if Maggie will be able to handle the ball-busting Skinnygirl team – and the constant chaos. Poor Julie – she is a C.O.C. no more!
Bethenny heads over to Drybar, which is partnering with Skinnygirl to incorporate the classic Skinnygirl ponytail and margarita into their menu. The owner practices the classic ponytail on Bethenny and even after the re-do it looks like crap. Maybe it’s Beth’s hair, maybe that lady needs Tabatha to take over, but really – that was one sorry, sad ponytail that looked more ‘I just worked out’ than ‘I styled my hair this way.’ Afterwards Bethenny pours up a cocktail and wonders why people don’t drink in the morning. She prefers morning drunk to go with her morning sex and if she gets a blow-out, Jason should get a blow job, but Drybar doesn’t offer happy ending specials.
Bethenny discusses working with your spouse with the owner, who declares that it’s fun combining the two. One could say it’s the fruit in the sangria. Except Bethenny and Jason have a lot communication issues, so Bethenny seems nervous about adding more strain on their relationship. You know, more like adding a cauliflower to your sangria. Nonetheless, she doesn’t completely rule it out!
Next Bethenny meets up with Matt, her sexy Skinnygirl nutritionist or something. The idea that Matt is sexy is not lost on Bethenny who grills him continually on his single life, specifically if he dates and sleeps with models. Cause Bethenny can, like, relate. Nope, she’s not a forty-one-year-old married mother, she’s a single skinnygirl ready to mingle and dammit she’s good at being a bar slut! Oh, Bethenny… Oh Bethenny… Matt tells her he told hot girls at Nobu (does Bravo have a secret partnership with Nobu?) that he worked for Skinnygirl. Poor Beth had a wistful look on her face as she wished Matt were picking her up at the bars with a Skinnygirl diet bar ad.
Why do all of her business meetings turn into sex talk and personal life convos? Bethenny fills Matt in on how Jason has a passion for working with Skinnygirl and he is very fascinated by the operation. However she worries about mixing marriage and business. Matt feels her pain and echos that it may result in their relationship being all business talk and no break. Which is an excellent point!
Bethenny takes assistant-in-training Maggie to a high-end antique store where she and her decorator Brooke peruse $6,780,000.* vases. *Numerical values inflated for entertainment purposes. Bethenny is in shock over the prices – which are high. Like, gobsmackingly so. I agree with Bethenny – too scary! No $43,000 chair moments for me! And they definitely are not good for people with children.
Bethenny tells Maggie that Brooke didn’t know her when she was broke (well, no one did apparently because she never was. Thanks, Dad!), so Brooke expects her to spend lavishly like all her other clients, which include a whole host of famous people. And here comes the ‘I was poor and couldn’t pay my rent’ woe-is-me sob story that peppers every episode. After all that shell-shocked nonsense Bethenny discovers some bars that she likes. At $35,000 for the pair, they’re a steal!
Back at the apartment where Skinnygirl lives, the team is preparing for their big Lazy Lingerie photoshoot. Jason, apparently, chose this to be his first day of work with the Skinnygirl crew. I suppose to over-see the shoot (wink, wink). Bethenny is very excited that she has coerced her staff into prancing around her living room in their netherthings while she bounces on the sofa cheering.
Bethenny, again, explains how her business works – it’s like very, very complicated. Let’s talk about how amazing and fantastic and amazing Bethenny’s business is again! She’s so important. She is like the queen empress princess of the whole entire world. Skinnygirl alone is keeping the NASDQ alive. Bethenny’s like patenting stuff y’all. She invented bras! And margaritas! And yoga! Didn’t ya know?! ohmigawd – it’s Bethenny and her empire! It’s just, like, so mesmerizing.
Bethenny announces she is turned on by Julie wearing butt pads while holding Bryn. Dr. Amador is not working. Then she kisses her hairstylist, Stacey, on the lips to steal some of her “jarring” attention hot pink lipstick that oozes sex. Stacey is so getting some – as evidenced by the lipstick and the Skinnygirl neglige. Getting molested by Bethenny is no small fete!
From lingerie to Parenting magazine with an argument about furniture in between. Jason and Bethenny discuss the very real possibility of purchasing $35,000 furniture pieces. Jason makes some valid points about how they have a small child and they actually live in their space, so it will likely get banged up. Bethenny co-signs that she’s incapable of having valuable stuff, but she wants them nonetheless. Hey, I agree with her – if I could afford them I’d be mighty tempted. And they were awesome!
Bethenny then points out that they don’t use their valuables wisely, as evidenced by the expensive bowl being used to store iPod charges. haha. Seriously – that was my favorite scene of last night.
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So where we last left the “ladies” of Basketball Wives, Evelyn Lozadahad just hurled a wine bottle at Kenya Bell’s head. Good times! Is that a cross ring on her finger? WWJD? Not this, I assure you! Tami Roman is able to pull Evelyn away from Kenya as she threatens death. Suzie Ketcham feels like she’s in Iraq, what with all these wine bottles and plates whizzing by her head. Shaunie O’Neal pretends to be distraught at this turn of events. Tami admits that she wasn’t trying to protect Kenya as much as she was trying to avoid her friend committing homicide. Classy, Ev!
Suzie is working out with Jenn Williams, and she’s hoping Jenn will give Royce Reed a few minutes of her time in hopes of a reconciliation. Jenn reveals that she wasn’t so much mad at Royce as her feelings were hurt. Perfect, exclaims Suzie–as Royce feels the same way! Not quite…Jenn is still miffed that Royce opted to “work” with her ex Eric Williams on his “movie.”
Meanwhile Tami and Evelyn meet with Shaunie to discuss the annoying bug which is Kenya. Are they hoping Shaunie will fire her mid-season? Shaunie definitely thought Kenya was crazy at the dinner. After all, she was throwing plates and wine bottles not showing any emotion when confronted by Evelyn. Kenya is not right, y’all! She just watched Evelyn take off her earrings without fear or concern. Kenya must be in-flipping-sane! Shaunie recommends a tropical girls’ trip to Tahiti, and the women question Evelyn if it would be alright to invite Jenn. Of course it is…just give Evelyn more time to perfect her aim! Shaunie reminds Evelyn and Tami that Suzie has invited all the women to the race track. Should be a good time…I hope the horses are betting on which “wife” will fall victim to the first sucker punch!
Kenya and Jenn are going wine shopping. Is it just me or does Kenya seem even more comatose than episodes past? Kenya is hoping to purchase some vino to serve at the screening of her new video. Jenn encourages her to invite the crew.
