Reality Tea

The release of the year’s least anticipated spin-off, Snooki and JWoww is imminent! Slated to premiere on MTV June 21, the show will feature the two Jersey Shore stars in their own paid-for MTV digs. Luckily, it’s not the bacteria cesspool that is the shore house. Snooki tells US Magazine that it’s much more feminine, “It’s very big, just think of a guidette Barbie house, that’s what it looks like. It looks like animal print threw up everywhere.”

At the time that article was posted, Snook hadn’t yet revealed the sex of her baby, and coyly hinted that she would have dressed her child like Pauly D if it were a boy. She’s now confirmed she’s having a mini Jionni!

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After a volatile competition on the last Dance Moms: Miami, last night the dancers are back to learn their places on the list.  Abby and Sammy are noticeably absent.  Debi isn’t too sad to see that they aren’t present.  Angel is upset about the drama that went down at the competition, especially with the moms (cough, cough, Suzie, he means you!).

Sammy is at the bottom of the list, presumably since she dropped Kimmy and then tried to blame shift, but it works out well since she’s also a no-show at practice. Hannah is fourth on the list due to technique even though she did well at the competitionLucas, who won first for his solo, is third because he threw Sammy under the bus and tattled on her for saying Kimmy’s timing was off in the group number.  Am I seeing things or did smoke just come out of Brigette’s ears?  I think she’s more upset at that news than Lucas.  Kimmy gains second place for taking the blame for something she didn’t do.  Ani is shocked.  She figured her daughter would be much further down the list due to her dancing.  How weird is it not to see a mom get upset about their child’s placement!  Jessi places first for dancing well and juggling the stress that her crazy mother bestowed upon her.  True that!

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We’ll just give you the highlights of last night’s season finale of Dancing with the Stars. If you just want the winner – skip to the bottom!

The judges pick Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd do give an encore performance. It’s not surprising since it was one of the most exuberant dances of the entire season. I may start watching the Green Bay Packers next season.

Each of the booted contestants return to do a performance with their partners, including Sherri Shepherd, whose dance with several men sends her hormones into overdrive and I suddenly remember how much she annoyed me. Am I the only one who forgot a few of these contestants existed? I had at least two “oh yeah! they were contestants in the beginning!” moments. Also, am I the only one who thought Jack Wagner’s attempt at sexy was a tad creepy?

Up first for the final dance: William Levy and Cheryl Burke with a Salsa. Wasn’t it just last night that Len told William that he needed to spice it up and stop shaking his butt and being so predictable? Len seemed to forget his previous criticism because he says if salsa and rhythm were an Olympic sport, he’d win the gold. Bruno says nobody does it better than William. The judges give them a perfect score of 30.

Katherine Jenkins and Mark Ballas choose the Jive, set to “Splish Splash”. Bruno tells her she has technique, versatility, and is a truly stunning dancer. Carrie Ann says she’s a brilliant artist. Another perfect score of 30.

Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd are up last and doing the Cha Cha Cha. Not sure the shirtless move was the best one – it was almost distracting and unnecessary. Carrie Ann says that he’s the one to beat. Len says that he’s the best footballer they’ve had over the years. Bruno says it’s a massive hit for “Donald the Magnificent”. The judges give them a perfect score of 30.

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The Jersey Shore guidette told this week’s In Touch Weekly that she is going to be the mama to a little boy, due this September.

“Everyone said I was going to have a boy, and they were right!” Snooki gushes. “I thought it was going to be a girl. I was hoping it would be, because all girls want girls,” Snooki confesses, but, “It’s still my baby, no matter what. I’m excited either way!”

I think it’s probably a blessing in disguise. I mean what would she teach her daughter? How to smoosh, get trashed, and beer goggle? <<shudder>>

And after months of claiming she was barely eating for two, she now confesses she’s having pregnancy cravings. “I love anything cold and juicy, like Italian ices.” One thing she’s not craving is fiance Jionni LaValle. “Our sex life is hardly there! I just feel too icky and gross,” Snooki discloses, “I’m so not in the mood to do stuff.”

And now that she’s a mama, Snooki plans to put her Jersey Shore acting trashy ways behind her. Thankfully! “Being a mom changes you,” Snooki explains. “I’m not going to party hard anymore, even after the baby is born.”

Congratulations Snooki! I can only imagine what she’ll name him. Hopefully, not Gorilla.

THOUGHTS ON SNOOKI’S REVEAL? WILL SHE LEAVE THE JERSEY SHORE WAYS BEHIND HER?

If you were watching last week’s Real Housewives of Orange County, you know there was an quite the jaw dropping scene, and I’m not talking about Alexis Bellino’s birthday speech.  Vicki Gunvalson and newlywed daughter Briana Culberson got into quite the war of words regarding Vicki’s new beau Brooks Ayers and Briana’s new husband Ryan…you know, the guy who took Vicki’s one and only daughter to a drive-thru wedding chapel.  She just can’t get over that, can she?  Briana even goes as far as saying that her mother was having an emotional affair with Brooks while still married to Donn.  Vicki discusses the fight in this week’s Bravo blog:

When I was in Briana’s condo having this terribly heated discussion with her, I knew no matter what I said, I wasn’t going to convince her to accept Brooks and I dating. For that matter, no matter what she said was not going to convince me that marrying Ryan so quickly was the best decision either. I believe no matter who I was dating, she would have reacted the same way. It wasn’t Brooks in particular; it was me dating in general.

What you didn’t see is I left her home in tears, and just sat in the street and prayed, cried, and prayed some more. I realized it was not the end of the world if my daughter does not like the man I am dating.

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If you were hoping the Kardashians would fade into obscurity following a year of famewhore antics gone wrong, think again! They’re back and apparently as big as ever. According to the ratings, the Sunday night season premiere of Keeping Up With The Kardashians hauled in an impressive number of viewers.

Nearly 3 million (yes, I said million, not hundred) people tuned in to catch a glimpse of Kimmie Kake‘s butt, Khloe Kardashian‘s paternity drama, and a Kanye West sighting. I personally watch for Bruce Jenner‘s mutated face. I keep hoping and hoping to see some semblance of normalcy return to the rubber mask that has eclipsed his head.

Most shocking, the ratings for KUWTK are up 16% since last season’s premiere. And surprisingly the show did really well in the coveted 18-49 year-old-demographic, with 1.5M women making up the viewership last Sunday according to The Hollywood Reporter. I thought you people were boycotting?!

CONTINUE READING FOR THE REST OF THE SUNDAY NIGHT RATINGS!

It has been two years since Kate Gosselin and Jon Gosselin separated and roughly two months since their last Twitter feud.  After many years of abuse, eight kids, a hit TV show come and gone, and a very nasty public divorce, are Kate and Jon finally going to act like adults and be civil to one another for the sake of their children?  According to the insufferable self-involved star, yes, they are.

She tells Ann Curry of the Today show that her relationship with Jon is more peaceful than ever.  In her signature spin to make herself look like the devoted parent picking up the pieces, she says, “He’s been really positive and more available and it’s just less stressful. I feel like he’s working with me and the kids notice it – and that’s good because I’ve always wanted peace for them.”

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Last night’s episode of Bethenny Ever After felt like the end of an era. Bethenny Frankel rehashed the past and she and Jason Hoppy seemed to be finally moving forward in a positive direction. We were treated to several montages of Bethenny’s life on reality TV over the years and although this isn’t the finale it seems to be setting the stage to tie up a bunch of loose ends in preparation for next week’s final farewell.

Things begin with Jason and Bethenny visiting their new apartment, which is still under construction, but finally seems to be moving along. Bethenny is having some issues with the TV eclipsing the bar and since this is quite literally an apartment built on booze, sweat, and tears – Skinnygirl needs an altar.

Really though, she’s right. Not only does Bethenny Frankel Hoppy love her some libations, but an homage to the glorious liquor gods who made her rich seems fitting. I also think she needs a shrine to Andy Cohen.

We are treated to a montage of Skinnygirl over the years from Bethenny convincing the ever-so-classy ladies of Real Housewives of New York to try a Skinnygirl margarita to learning she’d sold the brand to BeamGlobal.

Next up, Bethenny and Bryn head to Spanish class. Bethenny talks about wanting Bryn to have all the opportunities she didn’t have – namely parents that love and care for her and want to be involved in her life. Bethenny marvels at how perfect Bryn is and how unique. She describes Bryn as her own signature brand and the life of the party. Bethenny tells us her priorities have seriously changed since becoming a mommy and she wouldn’t want to miss a thing. Which is nice. She does seem totally enthralled with Bryn. I hope she always remembers that business is just business.

Side note: I love that Bethenny and Jason walk Bryn so many places.

It’s montage galore up in here! There’s another montage of Bryn‘s life and Bethenny‘s pregnancy. I cannot believe how big Bryn has gotten and how tiny Bethenny has become. Time really has flown.

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