Reality Tea

RHOBH star Lisa Vanderpump

Season five of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is off to a slow start.

Episode one brought us the Annual White Party. Yawn. Episode two subjected viewers to Yolanda Foster‘s “my love” nonsense and Brandi Glanville‘s “my college boy” grossness. Ugh. What will episode three bring? Eileen Davidson!

Lisa Vanderpump hinted that the drama picks up with Eileen‘s arrival. “Things change rather rapidly I am afraid, from this gentle start.” Lisa loosely credited this season’s other newbie – Lisa Rinna — for her decision to return to Real Housewives of Beverly Hills after all her “friends” turned on her last season. 

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teresa giudice maroon dress rhonj cast

With just about a month before Teresa Giudice self-reports to prison, nary a day goes by without a crazy, ridiculous story emerging!

However Teresa isn’t the only person suffering  – Real Housewives Of New Jersey is reportedly in peril and has no idea if they should continue the show or delay until Teresa is released. Teresa is expected to serve about 13 months of her 15 month sentence pending good behavior, which would put her release date in January 2016. 

Teresa recently told Andy Cohen she won’t return to RHONJ, and seemed to be hinting for a post-prison spinoff to coincide with the tell-all she plans to write behind bars. Reports already state that Bravo has been filming Teresa as she prepares for prison and they plan to continue filming Joe Giudice and the girls while Teresa is “away.” 

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ramona singer and rumored new rhony cast member Dorinda Medley

Real Housewives Of New York is desperate to revamp and sources say Bravo is going the distance to hire big name socialites that live the quintessential New York lifestyle, like socialite Dorinda Medley who has been filming with the cast! 

Dorinda, a close friend of Ramona Singer‘s, has been filming with the ladies since October when she was first spotted attending the Amaranth Restaurant  15th Anniversary Party with Ramona and Heather Thomson. Since then she’s been spotted with the ladies and a Bravo film crew several times. 

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french montana instagram kim kardashian 1

Is anyone as surprised as I am that these two crazy kids aren’t going to make it as a couple? I kid, I kid. I certainly never considered Khloe Kardashian and French Montana to be a Disney inspired love story of the century…hell, even a Bratz doll lust story of the month!

Apparently, I’m not alone. Khloe’s family is over the pair’s dysfunctional relationship, and surprise, surprise–they think he’s a dirty cheater! Given her history with ex-husband Lamar Odom, its nice to see her family showing koncern instead of promoting her romance for a story line. Plus, I do like Khloe (if I’m going to have choose a sister, at least), and I think everyone deserves to be happy. 

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katie doesn't understand why tom 2 doesn't defend her.

On Vanderpump Rules last night Jax Taylor decided that, for once, he was gonna work the rumor-mill to his favor, and play a game of telephone with the story of Katie Maloney “motorboating the crotch region of a gentleman.” Yes, I just typed that. And yes, that is a direct quote. And yes, we will be using that phrase many more times through this recap. You’ve been warned!

Jax is recovering from his nose job, and as he deals with the debilitating pain of a deviated septum he realizes there’s been just one person who hasn’t reached out, who hasn’t checked in on his recovery: Katie. He broods over muddled ginger at the SUR bar, and every time he feels the bandage tape creating friction across his oily pores, his anger increases just a little bit: it goes from beer, to wine, to whiskey, finally distilling into pure moonshine. And then he snaps: how dare she! How dare Katie not only ignore him in his time of need, but how dare she choose Stassi Schroeders side over his. And even worse, how dare she attempt to keep Tom 2 away from him, dammit! Besides, Tom 2 wants to be away from Katie – not Jax.

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Teen Mom 2 Adam Lind arrested

Not so shocking news: Teen Mom 2 hellion Adam Lind was arrested Sunday. Slightly shocking news: Adam’s 138th arrest – just a guesstimate – wasn’t for a traffic violation. Adam was jailed on domestic stalking charges this time.

However Adam and his most recent ex-girlfriend, Brooke Beaton, don’t agree on the details surrounding the arrest. Adam said Brooke is a drug-addicted slut who went CRAZY, slashed his truck tires, and told the police LIES about him because he broke up with her. Can you blame Brooke for lashing out? I mean, losing your one chance at true love with Adam Lind? The struggle is real!

Brooke said Adam is an abuser who stalked her and her family on Facebook and physically attacked her more than once. Considering Adam was arrested, I’m going to guess South Dakota’s finest have reason to believe Brooke.

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Tamra Judge

Despite rampant rumors that suggested she’d been fired and the high hopes that followed, Tamra Judge confirmed she’ll be back for Real Housewives of Orange County season 10. 

Tamra was one of the many Bravo reality stars who showed up to the premiere of Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce. Because, Lights! Camera! Famewhore Action! On the red carpet, Tamra talked season nine regrets, sung Heather Dubrow‘s praises, dissed Vicki Gunvlason and Gretchen Rossi, and confirmed she will be back next season. Le sigh. 

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love hip hop hollywood princess pool

Y’all remember last week on Love & Hip Hop Hollywood where Ray-J side stepped Princess’ drink throwing and she landed in the pool? That was hilarious. Last night’s episode begins with Ray utilizing what he’s learned in anger management by just walking away. Princess chases after him, flashing the production crew that tries to restrain her. Ray is so over this relationship. They are finished! Plus, it makes for a good story line with Teairra Mari, right?

Soulja Boy is reevaluating his relationship with Nia after her miscarriage and a bad car accident. Nia and Cameron were involved in an accident where Nia’s car flipped twice. The two are very fortunate that they escaped with minor cuts and bruises! Soulja wants to focus on rebuilding their love and being attentive to Nia and Cameron. I’m so glad they are alright–it’s crazy the real drama that coincides with this heavily scripted mess! Speaking of messes, Teairra is hoping that another showcase will make people forget about her horrendous debut (re-but?) back into the music scene. This time around, Yung Berg is cosigning this debacle, and he’s hoping that Teairra will prove to Sincere that she is worth the trouble after their spat. Berg and Teairra gossip like middle school girls about how he now considers Masika to be his girl, and the fact that Teairra is feeling nostalgic about Ray. They should be passing notes out of a Lisa Frank notebook, don’t you think? 

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