I made sure to wear my eclipse safety glasses while staring at the California sun, so I wouldn’t damage my eyes and miss seeing the drama on last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County. It’s a good thing too, because Kelly Dodd was wearing scrunchies on her wrists!
Last night was certainly a Me! Me! Me! episode – aren’t they all? – but this one was especially bad! It started with Vicki Gunvlason announcing that Briana’s uterus and Mike’s sperm belong to her! Cause Coto Insurance needs more worker bees to take over the family hive.
Aka, Vicki needs more grandchildren. NOW! NOW! NOW! Her sage advice to Mike is “date to mate,” as in he should only be sleeping with women he plans to reproduce with. Not before they sign a baby-nup, right?! I have a feeling Mike has listened to “Gold Digger” many-a-times and ain’t gonna get stuck with no 18 years. Either that or no woman wants to get stuck with Vicki for the next 18 years!
Are we ready for tonight’s episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County? Judging from the previews so far, tonight’s episode has it all: ostentatious displays of wealth, catty women, bad fashion, cute kids, and crazy drama that gives you a headache trying to keep it all straight. We can’t wait.
Tonight we’ll be celebrating Lydia McLaughlin‘s birthday (complete with a new, fancy ass car – see below), as well as the launch of her new magazine, Nobleman. She prays and hopes that the cast will all get along at the magazine launch party, but she seems to forget who she is dealing with here.
First, Stephanie and her husband go mansion hunting together (hello pool in the living room for 8 million!), but things go awry later on when she finds out that Travis purchased a house without consulting her.
Stephanie‘s plan to put a wedge between new besties LeeAnne and Brandi backfires on her and instead puts her own friendships with Cary and LeeAnne on the outs.
As the Shahs of Sunset continue their politically incorrect spiritual tour of Israel, tonight’s episode is all about opening up and being honest within their friendships and lives. That’s a pretty tall order, especially for Asa “Did You Know I’m Having a Baby” Soltan Rahmati, who has been dodging questions about her personal life faster than you can say miracle baby. None of this is sitting well with Mercedes “MJ” Javid, who desperately wants to make a baby of her own and thinks the more she tells people, the more likely it is to happen. Everyone click yourselves into your overpriced strollers and hang on, because tonight is going to be a bumpy ride.
We rejoin the Shahs at the Western Wall, where they are all praying for what they want, except Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi, who sits there fuming about being out of her element. Dressed in camo pants and an angry look on her face, she minds her own business but claims that an Israeli man harassed her by saying “jihad” to her. I guess the multiple camera pointed at her didn’t catch that part but of course, GG wouldn’t make something up now would she? *Pausing as I list in my head all the things GG has made up over the course of the show*
It’s been a slow march to the courthouse for Danielle and Mohamed getting to last night’s 90 Day Fiancefinale, but they finally face off this week. In another humiliating confrontation, Jorge and Anfisa have a little business to attend to – such as, does he plan on paying her for services rendered, or will she also be heading to a courthouse to start divorce proceedings? Paola continues to act like she just met “conservative Oklahoma boy” Russ yesterday, and Russ continues to feign shock that his thirsty bride is a two-bit hustler sexy model. And Pedro and Chantel – well, just ugh. As they march delusionally toward the altar for round two, their equally dysfunctional families gather to celebrate the doomed couple.
We begin in the Dominican Republic, where the sad-sack music TLC used to reserve for the likes of Danielle/Jorge types is now being used on every single Chantel/Pedro scene. And rightly so. This family bonding trip has gone from “No thanks on the chicken feet!” to “Slut a$$ b*tch a$$ whore!!!!” in just under a week. As she gets her makeup and hair done for the ceremony, Chantel admits all of this to her friend and sister, but doesn’t get into details. Suffice to say, everyone hates everyone. But young, naive Chantel thinks that it doesn’t matter. Love will conquer all!!! Or they will get divorced in under a year.
Can you believe this is only the 6th episode of Shahs of Sunset? It feels like the season has been going on and on for much longer than that! On tonight’s episode the cast is still in Israel and they are venting their frustrations at Asa Soltan Rahmati.
During the last part of their Israel trip, GG questions why they are even friends with Asa when she is so secretive about everything in her life. Asa makes a big reveal that has Mike disbelieving her and leaves MJ angry. During a group dinner on their last night in Israel, Asa reveals the gender of her baby.