“Newsflash: I’M NOT SOBER,” blogged Brandi. We could stop here because that’s where Brandi’s “real” ends. But, she added, “And fantasies are just that – fantasies. I’ve just about HAD IT with these judgmental women that pretend to be perfect and think they do no wrong. Spa day was fine other than the uncomfortable wine tasting, but I tried to tell some jokes to loosen the mood.”
Readers, I want you all to think back to a simpler time. A time of Even Stevens and Holes. A time when Shia Le Beouf wasn’t starting fights at Broadway shows or wearing a paper bag over his face on the red carpet. Basically, I want you to remember a time when Shia wasn’t scaring the beewhowhatsit out of me in a Sia video. I had nightmares last night, yet I’m strangely drawn to watching said video over and over again. I even bought the song on iTunes. Damn you, VEVO!
When Dance Moms’ protege Maddie Ziegler first appeared in Sia’s “Chandelier” music video, I realized that her ability and raw talent were far more than I ever credited her for on the Lifetime reality hit. It’s weird and terrifying and amazing. However, Maddie is starring in the singer’s new (and equally controversial) video for her single “Elastic Heart”, and it’s every bit as freaky and frightening. The best (worst?) part? She’s dancing with Disney’s fallen method actor Shia. Wearing that creepy wig and nude leotard. In a cage. And Shia is also clad in nude boxer briefs. And he’s dirty. Very dirty. Sadly, Beans is nowhere to be found. Haven’t seen it? Youtube it immediately, but don’t say you weren’t warned/encouraged.
Real Housewives Of Orange County has just started filming and there are surprises on the horizon! Rumors have been stirring for a while that Bravo is looking to re-introduce former Housewives as ‘friends’ this season, and Jeana Keough just confirmed that she is indeed filming!
“Thinking about doing a little work on the OC housewives this season, what do you think?” Jeana announced on twitter earlier this week. But last night Jeana confirmed she was participating in the show and filmed with Vicki Gunvalson, her neighbor and former close friend!
On last night’s Little Women LA, Briana Mason reignites her love life with a little online dating that turns serious fast, Terra Jole calls Christy McGinty out for stirring the pregnancy news pot, Traci Harrison and Erik experience a sad loss, and Todd goes HAM on a bunch of people out of nowhere, finally showing us why he is the perfect mate for Christy.
We start with Christy and Todd working out at the gym to get in “baby making shape.” Exercise is hard on little peoples’ bodies, says Christy, because they have the same muscle mass and bone density as average sized people, but everything is condensed. Little people also have the same stomach size, so it’s a challenge to keep their weight low on a regular diet.
Last night’s show starts where last week’s left off, with Ang preparing to snap Renee’s neck. New Natalie DiDonato can’t believe she’s hanging out with a new and crazy group of women, but she’s kind of intrigued so she’s not going anywhere. Karen Gravano tries to wrangle Renee as she screams at a retreating Ang. Keep in mind that Ang isn’t fleeing because she’s fearful of Renee, but because she’s worried what she’ll do if she stays. It’s always a litmus test for insanity when Karen is the voice of reason. Poor Drita D’avanzo just wanted to have a nice party to promote her store.
Quick, what’s the next celebrity wedding on the calendar? Heck, what’s the next regular person wedding you can think of? Is it yours? Your best friend’s? Bottom line: Are you or is someone you know in need of a wedding officiant?
If so, may I suggest Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi to guide you and your betrothed through your vows? You know you’d love it. Fist pumping down the aisle? Check. Cheetah print bridesmaids dresses? Check. And when you leave the reception? Cabs ahh heeya! It will be Jersey Shore nuptials of the finest caliber and you didn’t even have to humiliate yourself on the show to get to this wonderful place in life.
Kyle said poker night felt “extremely uncomfortable” from the very beginning. “I could see Kim was ‘off’ but wasn’t quite sure how to handle the situation. One thing that was very clear to me watching this is that Brandi is not my friend. Never has been. I have tried to give her the benefit of the doubt but always kept her at arms length. To see her pretending to be friends with me in the car ride to Eileen‘s then turning on me made things abundantly clear to me. Brandi can’t be a friend to anyone. Including my sister.”