Reality Tea

lisa-eden

I cannot wait for the new Real Housewives of Beverly Hills episode tonight. Lisa Rinna is finally going to get confronted for gossiping about Kim Richards’ sobriety. At the end of the last episode, we all saw her awkward arrival and pretty much no one seemed happy to see her. Her frienemy Lisa Vanderpump confirms that sentiment, dishes on Erika Girardi’s tears that have been teased in the previews before the season even began, and discusses Eden Sassoon’s constant meddling.

Last season, a lot of people tried to bring down LVP, it look likes the queen is back on top. It might be because so many of the other ladies have really sunk so low, but either way Lisa Vanderpump is looking way better than she did last year on RHOBH.

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Carl and Jaclyn

Last night Kyle Cooke celebrated a birthday on Summer House, but all anyone could think about or talk about or not have sex with was Carl Radke. There’s something about Carl, apparently!

While the Wirkus’s are away, Carl’s roving eye will play. And it casts its spell on Jaclyn Shuman who is all too happy to oblige – to a point. Massages in the hot tub – check! Sexual innuendo – Check! Promises to share a room – Check! Willingness to share a bed… uncheck! Jaclyn is one of those girls who just needs attention. Like if there is a peen in the vicinity she is tracking it like the Chanel coat on a mannequin that will be headed for the sample sale post season.

After she throws herself at Carl all night, and invites him to share her room, Jaclyn directs Carl to the futon and turns out the light. She giggles that she knows what she’s doing, and also that it’s going to look sooooo bad to the rest of the house. So bright and early the next morning, she skuttles into the Wirkus twins room to reveal that Carl was snoring the blue balls away on her futon. Lauren Wirkus is still trying to play it cool-ish with Carl, but Ashley Wirkus has no such compunctions!

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To be honest, I’m a little thrown off by James Kennedy still being a cast member on Vanderpump Rules since he has been alienated by most of the cast. Still, he does have some really scandalous story lines this season and it all revolves around (allegations of) cheating on girlfriend Raquel Leviss, specifically with Gerelyn “GG” Gilbert and a waitress named Ellie. Now GG is seeking her fifteen minutes of fame speaking out about James and calling out the rest of the cast.

It’s hard for me to cope with the idea of anyone having sex with James, let alone making it public knowledge, but GG feels a need to set the (very obvious) record straight and shit on some Pump Rules cast members in the process.

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Kandi Burruss

I could not control my laughter when Porsha Williams gasped and over exaggerated in response to Marlo Hampton talking about the Kandi Burruss lesbian rumors after Sheree Whitfield spilled some tea to her in private. Porsha was a major part of that initial conversation and threw her best friend Shamea Morton under the bus in the process. It was hilarious when she tried to distance herself from that conversation while Phaedra Parks was sweating bullets hoping not to get called out as well.

Now, Porsha has decided that her dating life is off limits. This is pretty absurd given that she is a star of a reality show and doesn’t really have a story line (other than spreading other people’s business and denying her well-documented anger issues) and because she talks about everyone else’s romances and sexual dalliances. So, why should she get a free pass? Yeah, I can’t think of a reason either.

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Tom tries to smother Katie with love.

Happy Valentine’s Day, esteemed Reality Tea readers! To demonstrate how much I love you all, here is a gushing, love-filled recap of Vanderpump Rules. Last night, we found ourselves dealing with stinky situations in the city of saints, sinners, and voodoo. No, it was not corpses escaping their graves in a zombie apocalypse, it was just more Tequila Katie.

As always, the three-headed shebeast proceeded to terrorize the menfolk in a manner befitting of epic trilogies from the ancient years before cell phones could take photos and people were able to communicate with only the push of tiny buttons. What I’m saying is that Tom 2 is on his own Odyssey, charting a territory only tepidly paved by Tom 1‘s Iliad before him (that would be surviving Kristen Doute). I can’t compare Jax Taylor to anything other than Dr. Jackhole and Mr. Jax’d. He writes his own unsavory story – warts and all.

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Teen Mom 2 recap

This week’s episode of Teen Mom 2 revolves around the self-created drama of both Kailyn Lowry and Jenelle Evans but what else is new? There are a lot of similarities between their two very different lives: both are selfish and over dramatic. But the similarities end when it comes to how they deal with things – Jenelle won’t shut up about whatever she thinks is going on and Kail refuses to talk about it unless it benefits her.

This week, Kail is so wrapped up in going back to school, we’re only subjected to the drama she has left behind for Jo Rivera and Vee Torres, while Jenelle is busy with delusions of everyone vying for her affections. Leah Messer and Chelsea Houska get lost in the mix of these story lines, as usual. Yes, I know, reality TV is all about drama and things happening and it would be a pretty boring show if it weren’t for this, but nevertheless, it does get tiring to watch two people who are so emotionally stunted.

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I get that Dolores Catania’s shtick on Real Housewives of New Jersey is that she’s the neutral party who’s friends with everyone in the cast, but I was definitely surprised to see Melissa Gorga’s former business partner Jackie Beard Robinson at the opening of the Dolores’s new gym.

There was zero indication that Dolores and Jackie were friends and the end of Jackie and Melissa‘s business arrangement was far from amicable. I get that Dolores has “been around forever” and has known most of these ladies for years, but I feel like Jackie’s appearance would not sit well with Melissa.

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Kristen Doute

Am I the only one who loves Kristen Doute this season on Vanderpump Rules? She has calmed down, but not too much to the point where she’s boring. I assume a lot of that has to do with her relationship with Brian Carter who I wish was a bigger part of the show. Even though she is (relatively) reformed from her previous Crazy Kristen persona, Kristen is still very open when it comes to talking about Pump Rules.

Kristen addresses those mean girl accusations about Katie Maloney and Stassi Schroeder against Scheana Marie Shay. She defends Katie against the Tequila Katie alter ego. And believe it or not, she says some good things about Tom Sandoval’s relationship with Ariana Madix. Then she called out Ariana for being fake and shit on Sandoval‘s jokes during Jax Taylor’s roast.

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