Last night on Real Housewives of Miami, the battle lines were drawn as the women divided into three groups: The Nasty Nicies, The Above The Dramas, and The Something To Proves. I'll let you do the sorting over who goes where since it doesn't require very much brain power.
Things begin with a heart-to-heart on the beach between Romain Zago and Joanna Krupa. Could it get anymore romance movie than that? Two attractive people, strolling side-by-side, the tension is palpable, Romain is concerned: is Joanna drinking too much? She's embarrassed them both and he has no idea what's wrong with her! Joanna is mildly defensive, but mostly empathetic. Oh – and she so doesn't have a drinking problem!
Then Adriana de Moura comes on to the scene. Romain decides this is the perfect moment to tell Joanna that Adriana was throwing herself at him. Joanna is aghast. How unclassy. And she would know; she's read Class With The Countess cover to cover at least five times. Joanna sniffs that Romain can have Adriana – plenty of other men will take her. Romain is like 'Oh yeah? I mean you used to be an escort, oh, I mean allegedly! And you're out-of-control when you're drunk. And you've got Marta always around. Me on the other hand… "catch" is my middle name.'
"I want to go on record that I’m not proud of the dark place that I went to when I lashed out at Teresa. It’s not in my nature to allow myself to react so harshly, and I feel bad about my behavior.
Unfortunately, this time I reacted after Teresa had pushed me to my limit. How many more chances and benefits of the doubts am I going to give her? There are a few things that I hold sacred in my life: my children, my family, and most of all my marriage. How dare she try to pick away at my marriage and then throw her mother under the bus and say that she is the one who told her this?
Why would she betray her mother’s confidence and get her involved in this? A lie is a lie. Trust me, if the Pope himself was spreading lies about my marriage, I would still do anything to stop it.
First up we check in with the two roommates who won't be partying this season. A sober Mike is having one last giant meal with his family after returning from rehab for prescription pills. He claims to be the healthiest he's ever been, and I am happy to see Paula by his side. I think she's good for him. He says they're not quite dating, but they are close. What does that even mean? Meanwhile, a pregnant Snooki is excited to see the old gang, and wouldn't miss out on the experience just because for something as minor as expecting a baby. She's done a total 180 (is that what it's called?) and there won't be any meatball antics with her.
JWoww and Roger are now living together after her quick stint as roommates with Snooki for their spin-off. He isn't thrilled at the prospect of her heading back to the shore to party, but Jenni insists the couple is in a better place than last season. She's just waiting on that much anticipated engagement ring!
Knowing he wasn't really winning any popularity contests last season the Situation has decided he is going to prepare an elaborate Sunday dinner for when his roommates arrive. Snooki calls JWoww, and we learn that she hasn't spoken to Mike since last summer when he accused her (multiple times) of cheating on Jionni with him. She doesn't want any drama. Roger laughs…as if no drama was ever an option with this bunch!
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Give us your best caption for this hilarious photo of Anderson Cooper with his cardboard standee of Honey Boo Boo. You know you're Googling it right now so you can order one of your very own. Admit it. We won't judge you.
Give us your best captions in the comments section below!
Somebody really, really doesn't like "that Palin daughter" (to quote my friend Liz). Apparently Bristol Palin was dancing her sequined butt-off for rehearsal of Dancing With The Stars All Stars when a "suspicious package" arrived.
At first Bristol was all like, 'For me?! I have a fan! Happy Day!' but then Bristol realized she no likeied by anyone because the package contained a note demanding Bristol be removed from the set! Spurned former DWTS loser, perhaps? Perhaps someone that actually deserved to be in the final three last time but was beat when weirdo Palin-lovers clogged the phone lines voting in vain to redeem their fallen idol, Sarah?!
Sources report to TMZ that a note was attached to a "white-powdery package" and the note read (in paraphrase): "This is what will happen to you if Bristol Palin stays on [the show]."
Last night was the premiere episode of the 6th and final season of Jersey Shore. We'll have an awesome recap of last night's two hour kick off later today, but first we have photos from last night's premiere party in NYC.