“Mental wounds not healing; who and what’s to blame? I’m goin’ off the rails on a crazy train!” What could possibly be to blame? Maybe those sparkly butterflies occupying the ceiling of Eros? I so wanted another boat ballad to steer us into last night’s fun, but a little Ozzy Osbourne never hurt anyone. Plus, a boat is just a train on water, right? I don’t know about y’all, but I think it’s high tide, um, I mean “high time,” that the crew of Below Deck got a proper reunion! And a two-parter to boot! They have clearly arrived by Bravo standards! Andy Cohen has pulled the yachties from the WWHL clubhouse, and he feels like Captain Lee Rosbach has called them all to the bridge of the Eros.
Emile Kotze is sporting his grandfather’s suit, Eddie Lucas is looking adorable with a beard (it almost–ALMOST–makes me forget his douche-esque behavior this season!) and Kate Chastain has foregone the resting bitch face…for the time being. The get together kicks off with the gang recalling their favorite charter guests, and Connie Arias recalls that her roommate Emile would ask her to hit the deck a few minutes early every morning so he could spank the salami (or whatever the phrase may be). Lovely. Andy inquires as to why Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow is always chatting with her pal the ceiling, and she jokes that there were likely sparkly butterflies and unicorns flying around up there. When Eddie tries to crack a joke, Rocky jumps. Does Eddie want to get into things already? Is his girlfriend there so Rocky can share some of the sordid details of their laundry room hook-ups?
Shay explained why he ran off to his parents’ house, and surprisingly, it wasn’t because he felt like wedding Scheana‘s eyes followed his every move, “My parents’ house is my safe zone. I’m a shy person. I’m kind of closed off. I’m not very open. At home I’m just me all the time. Sometimes you just need to get away. The city where we live is pretty tough sometimes and that’s where I like to go.” Then, while Shay was gone, Scheana let all their friends in on their secret.
I’m sure no one – like no one at all – is surprised to hear that after 8 months of wedded bliss distress Mike Shouhed and Jessica Parido are divorcing. Who didn’t believe their love was solid and based on such a deep level of shared goals, commitment, and mutual respect?
Last week Jessica filed for divorce from the Shahs Of Sunset star citing irreconcilable differences, but obviously the real reason was Mike cheating on Jessica!
Shannon begins, “I’m so freaking done talking about the Vicki/Brooks cancer freaking lie nonsense, but I just watched the Watch What Happens Live special with Vicki and I am absolutely floored. The victim card… the ‘I was Duped‘ speaking engagement that Vicki Gunvalson is on is completely ridiculous to me. I just want to say a few things because I am really angry about what happened.”
Last night on Vanderpump Rules there was an intervention, some couples therapy, and one doomed relationship after another. Happy vibes!
Despite the fact that Shay is still MIA (in his parents basement), Scheana Marie is rallying like the supermodel she is by smizing with her saddest ‘I’m crying through my tears’ face as she models tiara-shaped hair clips, and giant gold crown headbands for Katie Maloney‘s new website Pucker & Pout.
Oh Scheana, you do sooooo much for your friends. Taking quick breaks to hold back tears so not to muss her makeup, Scheana sniffles, “Lisa told me to breathe through my nose.” Oh Scheana, you poor unfortunate soul whose husband became a Vicodin addict JUST so you could have a storyline about how love is harder than the diamond you covet so super bad!
Last night was the season finale of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood. What a ride! The episode begins as Moniece and Rich Dollaz are having a date night, and she applauds him for his civil meeting with Lil’ Fizz. She’s excited with the state of their relationship–Rich has done everything she’s asked of him regardless of how crazy he may consider her requests. Of course, with Moniece we know that that’s saying a lot! Next on her list? Engagement rings and wedding bands! Rich is on board as long as his ring is just as expensive as hers. Meanwhile, after coming out to his ex-girlfriend Amber to appease his current boyfriend Milan, Miles has decided to face his best guy friends with the news that he is gay. After the regular friendly ribbing and a quick game of pool, Miles realizes he should’ve never been nervous to tell his friends of his sexual orientation. They are extremely open to his admission, except for the fact that he didn’t feel comfortable telling them earlier.
Ray J is still whining about losing Princess, and he’s pulling out all the stops in hopes of making her come back to him. Cue a giant red bow and a brand-new house. He is all in as far as a relationship goes, but Ray’s not all in as far as Dabo’s (#allin #BYOG #GoTigers) standards go. Princess knows that Ray can be unpredictable, but she’s hoping he realizes why she needed to slow things down in the first place. She still loves Ray, but she’s not sure she can trust him due to his history of strippers and late nights. This is Ray’s final chance with Princess. Until the next chance, obviously. Princess cites that she is not ready to move into a new house unless Ray can promise her that it will be hers forever. She wants everything in her name. Ray isn’t about to convey his latest property over to Princess, but he lies and tells her that it’s in the works. Princess is excited about this next chapter, but she shouldn’t hold her breath for a quitclaim deed. Neither should Ray J, as we all know that this is just VH1 renting a house for filming purposes and for no other reason.