Another day, another math conundrum in the realm of the Kardashians. Kim Kardashian is helping us train our brains with some weighty word problems. The Keeping up with the Kardashians star, who is preggers with Kanye West's baby (duh!), is slyly revealing just how many pounds she's gained. Using terms like "only half" and "60 pounds off," she is causing my brain to fry with the computations.
When she's not making the public subtract and divide, she's being coy about Kimye Jr.'s potential moniker and how she wishes she had some junk food cravings. Pregnancy is the one time that she has the excuse to eat whatever she wants, but all the baby seems to desire is rabbit food. Poor Kim just kan't katch a break!
I watched it, recapped it, and enjoyed it. There's no shortage of personality, which ranges from real to fake to cringe-worthy, and I have a feeling I'm already loving the ladies that I'm not "supposed" to like (this always happens to me). Nevertheless, it should be an interesting season, and I'm looking forward to watching it play out.
This may sound a bit odd, but I've taken to thinking of Teen Mom 2 (actually the entire franchise) as MTV's personal Truman Show. It's not true, it's just the network's way of punking everyone everywhere. In fact, it's getting to be the only way I can rationalize these girls and their unapologetically abhorrent behavior (that includes you, Farrah Abraham!). It has to be some sort of joke or satirical take on modern society, right?
In my head, Jenelle Evans is using this as her doctoral thesis, and Leah Messer Sims Calvert is planning to use her footage to create a poignant yet ironic documentary on the importance of self-esteem and the teenage girl. Kailyn Lowry is working undercover to fix glitches in the family court that allow one parent to abuse the legal system just to get back at the ex who scorned them…she's good at her job, by the way. Finally, Chelsea Houska is having the last laugh, as she's actually fluent in eight languages (whining is the ninth!), and she's testing a scientific theory regarding how high pitched and nasally a voice must be before viewers press the mute button. Well played, ladies. Well played. Too bad my alternate Teen Mom universe is just one blogger's sad delusions.
So, let's get to last night's episode, shall we? Jenelle is recovering from her boob job, and she can't wait until she's fully recovered so she can spend some time with Jace. Sadly, that won't happen until the poor child is at least eighteen. Gary is taking good care of her, and Jenelle wants to talk about three things: 1) Kieffer; 2) what Gary thinks of her new ta-tas; and 3) Kieffer. Oh, wait… Kieffer has been texting Jenelle, and Gary isn't willing to lose his "career" to fight with such a loser if he decides to come visit. He'd rather get back to checking out Jenelle's new rack.
Last night on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills finale, Lisa Vanderpump's lovely vow renewal/housewarming party was infiltrated by some serious thugs in cocktail dresses.Adrienne Maloof showed up not six minutes after announcing her separation on TMZ and then she sat in the middle of the party like a centerpiece bawling about the marriage she openly hated on national television. If only that Paul Nassif wasn't such a desperate attention seeking jerk!
Everyone thought Adrienne's eleventh hour appearance was a cry for attention, except for Kyle Richards who believed it to be a cry for help since Adrienne couldn't answer her phone that day unless your number was 1-800-TMZ1!
And Faye Resnick. Yes, she's STILL there. Once Brandi Glanville and Yolanda Foster flee her admonitions of how to be a lady, they hide behind a column and fill Lisa in on the nonsense. Lisa is not impressed. Marisa Zanuck comes over to get clarification on what a hallpass is and the ladies manage to resolve their issues. Things go much better in the shade than they do the blinding sun; the blinding glares were reflecting off Faye's extra-taut skin giving everyone temporary insanity.
Faye is hereby dubbed MC for short. MC, of course, stands for Morally Corrupt. Long-live the real Camille Grammer, never a girl to mince words and never a girl who forgets to be pernicious. I do believe Camille's smirking S1 Dinner Party From Hell face is right next to the definition in the dictionary.
Did y'all watch The Voice last night? I have to be honest, I have so much in my DVR on Mondays, that I'm going to have to save it for later in the week. That said, I can't wait to see what I anticipate being a much more fun and positive camaraderie among the judges. Don't get me wrong, I'll miss Cee Lo Green, but I think that Shakira and Usher will be great additions alongside Blake Shelton and Adam Levine. As for Xtina? No comment.
There is something about this competition that I truly adore. It's equal parts the design of listening without looking and the witty back and forth among the judges that makes it all the more entertaining. Add in incredible talent, and it's a hit. Of course, there is the always hilariously honest Blake to keep things in check, and he's dishing on the two newbies.
Things have been at a standstill with the upcoming season of The Real Housewives of New York. Rumors have been running rampant since no official cast announcements have been made and filming hasn't started. We may now know why! It's being speculated that Bravo is recasting the entire crew!
Next week is the NBC upfront presentations and none of the current cast of New York has been invited, nor are they listed on the tipsheet. This is a very big deal. For those who don't know, the upfront presentations are where the networks preview their upcoming fall and midseason series for advertisers, the press, and other networks. The stars of said shows are always present for the event.
How quickly all good things come to an end! I had no clue that we are just one episode away from the season finale of Love & Hip Hop. Thank goodness. Basically, at this point, the show is only focusing on two tumultuous relationships and a potential prison term. Everyone else is just along for their five minutes of screen time every other week. You all know who I mena mean!
The episode begins with Raqi Thunda heading to Olivia Longott's performance in hopes of finding Tahiry Jose to apologize. She explains that Joe Budden wants her to mend fences, but after a half-baked apology, they are yelling at each other. Ahhh, maturity.
At home, Yandy Smith is snuggling with little Mendeecees and baby Amir while Mendeecees, Senior looks on happily. They share their engagement news with the little guy, and he's excited about having Yandy in the family. Sure, he's only seven, but VH1 made sure he was over the moon upon hearing the news. There is no doubt about it–Mendeecees produces some precious children.