On last night’s Below Deck, we lost one crew member and gained another. Well, I use the word “gain” loosely, Jen Howell and Kate Chastain needed an HR rep to review sexual harassment policies. Support each other, ladies – no slutshaming aboard the 5-star Valor! And Nico Scholly made a miraculous recovery.
Poor Nico is in his bunk, all by himself, flexing his hand while tapping on his iPhone just waiting for Brianna Adekeye to check his temperature. Instead Jen and Bri are in hula gear at 1am, faced with a mountain of dishes that gives Jen delirium and psychosis. She’s talking more gibberish than usual, and she’s pretty sure that butter knife turned into a talking seahorse. What was IN that dinner Matt Burns made? It sure wasn’t happy juice!
Last night on Below Deck, Nico Scholly was out for the count and no one even noticed his absence. Of course mostly everyone else continued to suck.
In St. Martin’s, the wind is rough, making massive waves. Captain Lee Rosbach is worried Valor won’t be leaving the dock for their upcoming charter. Of course, this guarantees that they’ll have super annoying, constantly-unhappy guests bringing a new meaning to expression “rough seas ahead.” Thankfully, after fighting with EJ Jansen over filthy feet, Nico’s brother is gone and taking 1/2 the Scholly a-component with him. Nico temporarily remains, dirty feet and jerky attitude, though! He blames EJ for trying to bait his brother into a fight.
There’s no better way to start out your weekend than with the best reality star Instagram posts of the week. No need to scroll through your feed or type in all of the names that matter. I got you covered and there was a lot going on this week and this is aside from the Halloween festivities.
The entire Jersey Shore cast (minus one person) got together to celebrate Deena Cortese’s wedding, getting me all nostalgic. The Real Housewives of Dallas stars gathered with Andy Cohen to film the Season 2 reunion and posted a group photo to show off their glamorous ensembles (and spray tans…most likely). Dorinda Medley and Tinsley Mortimer went all out when they dressed up as famous pop stars for Halloween. The Vanderpump Rules cast were living it up with appearances at the World Series and an LA clothing store launch. The Southern Charm crew made it very clear that they are filming the next season because they were turning up all over Charleston doing shotskis, watching Monday Night Football, and attending restaurant openings.
Last night’s Below Deck charter was annoying “AF,” which is how lead charter guest Sarah liked to tag every last thing! I don’t know if she just learned to spell and wanted to prove that she can, or possibly that she thinks English is a dead language replaced by Hashtag Speak, but she was correct in labeling their group “H.M.E”: Hot Mess Express. More like Hot Mess Distress.
The happy couple was only happy if there was booze to be consumed, and her much-older fiance was essentially silent as she careened around the yacht complaining, tantrum-ing, and shrieking like Vicki Gunvalson. Shockingly the one thing aboard Valor that consistently impressed this charter group was Jen Howell. How’s that for a reversal of the status quo!?
On last night’s Below Deck, pretty much everyone was terrible. Except Bruno Duarte. Yes, Bruno was pretty much sugar, spice, and everything nice, but the rest of the crew…
Nico Scholly so does not care about cheating on his girlfriend anymore. From halfway around the world, Melissa is sensing that something is wrong and calling him an extra lot about why he’s distancing her. I mean, other than the whole ‘on a yacht in the sea’ thing, she means like emotional distance. The answer: Brianna Adekeye. Big ol’ UGH on that girl!
While Nico is getting his sea quests on, Matt Burns is trying to reconnect with his ex-girlfriend. He suggests they get together while he’s on leave and is met with a flat-out “Nope.” She’s not interested. Strangely, eerily, after the hot mess express disaster he’s been, Matt takes this in stride… straight to the bar.
So much happened on last night’s Below Deck that my head is spinning from all the activities! There were fights, and costumes, and kinda celebrity guests (not the exciting kind). There was also one of Matt Burns burn out episodes, sandwiched in between Brianna Adekeye and Nico Scholly‘s elicit romance (fauxmance? boredom-mance?). But at least, under the tutelage of EJ Jansen, the deck crew is finally getting their crap together. Too bad the same can’t be said for the stew crew!
The episode begins with Nico and EJ feuding over who is the bigger asshole. Remember boys, one finger pointing at each other means four fingers pointing back at yourself! EJ may have menacingly called Nico “buddy boy” while he seized possession of Valor from Nico’s ego, but Nico was still the bigger jerk for accusing EJ of being drunk and repeatedly calling him an asshole while storming around the boat, sulking, and then swearing to quit the next day if he wasn’t promoted to his rightful position as bosun.