All-in-all it was a pretty lackluster season (Lisa Rinna we need you! Like your first and second season you, but I understand you’re scarred after Revenge of the Blue Bunny). When the major drama centers around Dorit’s early on-set dementia (why does this woman never remember anything accurately or at all?!) and hissy fits over etiquette she doesn’t have, or Kyle feeling unsupported, you knew it was gonna end on a fussy note. Which is fine – any time I get to see Kyle act a fool, I kind of relish it.
Reporting from Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills there’s really nothing to report here people! The women survived Berlin, no pandas were injured as a result of this filming, they returned to LA: gyrated, cried over houses and bikinis and puppies, then left us to go hide until the finale. You know – it was that calm before the storm finale episode and it made my heart sad because that means the end is near for this season of RHOBH. Also this trip to Berlin was brought to us by Aperol Spritz, which I am now going to be drinking liberally because it apparently erases cellulite, droopy brows, bad manners, and the need to cause drama over nothing!
Kyle Richards and Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave are sitting in a the lobby of Berlin’s finest luxury hotel just waiting, and waiting, and waiting for the appearance of their idol, pop star Erika Jayne. Teddi jitters her knee and double-checks that her autograph book is by her side; Kyle, anxious she’s not cool enough, hikes up her over-the-knee boots a little higher and decides she better paint her nails. I’m impressed with her on-the-fly mani skills though!
Oh, Berlin with the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. It actually wasn’t a bad trip if you ignore the weird, fantastical, messy veal tartare of an argument Dorit Kemsley tried to throw at Kyle Richards. Why can’t these women just ever have fun eating food… it’s like if they start a fight they won’t have time to consume the calories?
Yet for the most part everyone had fun and got along. Prost to that! (Cheers in German. Thanks Google)
First the women either went shopping or spent 4+ hours ordering lattes in German. Kyle, Lisa Rinna and TeddiMellencamp Arroyave are afraid they’ll be forced into consuming whole milk and sugar by language barriers. Like the Germans are some primitive people never exposed to modern things like – gasp – ALMOND MILK. Or fat-free milk! I think the menus were actually written in cave drawings and ‘hoople hop ooper mandopippitidy peep pop poopio’ or whatever ever it is Lipsa ordered was actually dehydrated wild buffalo penis. You never know with these newly discovered civilizations! I mean … pretzels?
Last night was a good episode of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. There was no particular reason – it wasn’t filled to the brim with drama, but it showcased the women in their elements and was filled with some real moments like Kyle Richards ultimate friendship faux pas. Excitingly we also got a lot of background information on Lisa Vanderpump, plus DoritKemsley almost overdosed (kinda, sorta) on flu medication which was hilariously so Dorit. (Yes, I’m a sadist). However the big exciting news was their trip to Berlin.
Unfortunately there is more bad news for Lisa and Ken. Days after losing Pink Dog unexpectedly, Pikachu passed away. Now Lisa is worried for the fate of all her dogs. She looks them over, this mountain of fluffery and docility, she decides each needs to be installed with a tracking device and cloned straight away. It’s what Nanny Kay would recommend after all! And she was a woman of sense; a medic during WWII who survived The Blitz, and then, in her elder years, moved with Lisa and Ken to LA when they opened their first restaurant there – a PIZZA JOINT in the Sherman Oaks Mall. So, Lisa did live in The Valley?
Season 1 Camille Grammer is back! Or at the very least, that same level of sass from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is back. The difference is that Camille is on the right side of history this time around. It’s clear that Camille is not a fan of Dorit Kemsley’s, but in actuality the tension between them is the best thing that could have happened to the OG cast member during her rise back to the top.
After years of guest appearances, Camille is back on the show in a greater capacity as a “Friend of the Housewives.” This (hopefully) means that Camille is one step closer to become a full-time cast member again. Camille’s frequent shade in response to Dorit’s constant shit stirring makes for perfect TV, post-worthy memes, and the perfect way to secure that diamond during next season’s opening credits.