As last night’s Dance Moms begins, Abby Lee Miller is no where to be seen. She’s two days away from her sentencing, and traipsing around Europe. Is it my birthday? It’s the greatest gift, for sure. Ashlee is is thrilled to bring in Laureanne Gibson, a choreographer and life-changer for stars like Lady Gaga, Beyonce, the Jonas Brothers, and Demi Lavato. Google her, y’all. She’s so tickled to get to work with young dancers and take a break from P. Diddy (Puff Daddy?) and Katy Perry to get the ALDC off their cuckoo for cocoa puffs hamster wheel. Laurieanne has won Emmys and MTV awards, she is ready to break down the monotony of the dance competition world. As she spouts off her resume and accolades and star proteges, Kira interrupts to remind her that this group is on a time frame. Laurieanne questions whether Abby has held back any of the dancers, and hands go up all over the room.
Nia tears up remembering how hard Abby was on her when she embarked on her music career. But guess what? Laurieanne is faster, stronger, better. She’s time, people. Like, literally, she said she’s not worried about time because she IS time. While I’m wrapping my head around this admission, I realize I’m just thrilled to be without the pyramid. When she dismisses the mothers, I’m like, Boom. She’s cray, but I love it.
Last night’s Dance Momswas a veritable mess which comes as no surprise to those of us who have been watching this train wreck since its inception. However, normally I cringe at the ladies’ behavior, but that isn’t what I was doing with the latest episode. No, instead, I was in awe of Abby Lee Miller‘s boy toy, Jordy. He is a rapper. He is a vegan. Ladies and gentlemen, we received the greatest gift courtesy of Abby Lee…the earth’s first (and dare I say, only) vegan rapper. The world is a beautiful place (well, except for diary farms and meat packing). I’d been avoiding that new Netflix documentary because I love stuffing my face with junk far too much, but Jordy may have converted me.
As the show begins, we learn Abby is a week away from sentencing, and she’s spending that time touring Europe for some appearances and not at their upcoming competition. She calls the team together a day early for rehearsals so she can have some time with them before she leaves. Could this be Abby’s last pyramid? Fingers crossed! Abby breezes through the once drawn out tradition. Some girl Camryn, Nia, Kendall, and Brynn make up the bottom row, followed by Lilliana, Elliana, and an absent Kalani. Some girl Maesi is at the top of her pyramid, and hats off to her mother for rocking that amazing hairstyle. Or perhaps, should I say, hats on? In one of Abby’s beloved twists, she yanks the promised solos to the Ianas and gives them to Kalani, Brynn, and Kendall. The veteran moms are convinced this is a calculated move to make their girls’ last routine under Abby’s teaching a flop. They believe it will give Abby the opportunity to give up on the older dancers and focus on the minis…in the event she doesn’t go to jail.
Well, I guess it was too much to ask to have last night’s Dance Moms be free of Abby Lee Miller, but I guess Lifetime wants to capitalize on her demise as much as possible. Me? I certainly could have done without crazy haired Abby slothing around in dirty socks, but I’m not Phil Collins, so… Also, can we discuss how exhausted poor Gianna looks? Bless her heart for having to put up with this insanity around the clock! The episode begins with Abby shutting down the producers from discussing her future after having just learned that her sentencing date has been rescheduled.
Jill finds the pyramid to be very awkward as she and the other moms had planned on Abby already being in the slammer by now. Abby shares that she has a big announcement, and everyone is on pins and needles to hear about her fate. But alas, Abby is just offering extra dance classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Holly is perplexed. Shouldn’t they be discussing the future of the team in the wake of her impending prison time. Abby manages to dodge any vague questions and begins the pyramid. Luckily I don’t have to pay much attention because Jill’s talking head drones over Abby’s photo pulls, but congratulations to Kalani for taking the top spot!
After getting convicted for twenty counts of fraud in the most public way possible, former Dance Moms star Abby Lee Miller is set to start her prison sentence tomorrow in California. Going to jail for fraud is such a #TotalRealityStarMove at this point, so this really isn’t unusual, but it will (hopefully) be a major wake up call for the notoriously difficult dance teacher.
Even though her team has moved on with Cheryl Burke as their coach, she still has one big scene to film for the show that put her in the limelight. Yes, the Lifetime cameras will actually be present when Abby turns herself in.
Abby Lee Miller will self-surrender to prison and begin serving a one-year sentence for bankruptcy fraud on July 12. Instead of contrition, remorse, or humility after pleading guilty to hiding $750,000 in her bankruptcy filing, Abby continues to maintain her innocence and insist she’s a “nice Catholic girl” who was an unwitting victim of other’s financial schemes.
“It’s a little surreal. I know that I am not a criminal mastermind,” the Dance Moms star decried. “I listened to the wrong people. I trusted people.”
Yesterday, to kick off the first official day of summer, Lifetime announced its reality TV summer premieres.
In addition to a brand new Little Women: LA spinoff, Little Women: Couples Retreat, we have the return of both Dance Moms and Project Runway to look forward to. As for new reality TV shows, get ready for So Sharp, featuring the University of Louisville Dance Team, and Growing Up Supermodels. Look below for more about each premiere.
I like watching the girls compete on Dance Moms, but Abby Lee Miller is the one who made the show worth watching. So I can’t help being curious about how Cheryl Burke will do now that she’s taking over for Abby. I’m sure she’s a nicer coach and way more enjoyable to be around.
Personally, I think the show would be great to watch if the trash talking between Abby and Cheryl was included in the episodes. These two have had a lot to say about each other in the press. As expected, Abby did not take too kindly to Cheryl describing the girls as “traumatized” thanks to Abby.
The last person I would ever go to for advice is Eden Sassoon. She looked like an absolute fool during her short-lived time on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Anyone who is that easily manipulated by Lisa Rinna, is a person that I have trouble taking seriously. Nevertheless, we all know that Eden loves talking about situations that she has nothing to do with, so it’s really not a shock that she gave her two cents about Abby Lee Miller’s prison sentence.
And of course, she continues to talk about Lisa Vanderpump, who completely owned her and will always be a million times more relevant. Eden is backtracking on the tweets she wrote about Lisa – arguably the most genuinely philanthropic Real Housewife – not being charitable. This, after she was kicked off the show, she’s definitely grasping for relevancy.