Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we got the answer to an important question: Who is Faye Resnick in this world? She is morally corrupt, desperate, ruthless, ill-mannered and really quite frankly a hot judgmental mess. Hey honey you got your camera time and you got to do it all while wearing a Barbie's Dream Collection seafoam Mother-of-the-bride inspired tacky-a$$ nightmare. No amount of borrowed David's Bridal will make you a lady!
I really wish I didn't have to discuss Fayded Retchnick at all on this blog because I don't want to give her any attention or satisfaction – which is exactly what people like her are looking for – but I suppose I have to. But before we are forced to contend with the horrible…
Things begin with Lisa Vanderpump and Ken planning their vow renewal. Lisa is nervous and cute about a public display, but she knows it means a lot to Ken. And most endearingly after 30 years of marriage you can tell they truly do adore each other and are blissfully happy.
My mother always told me that good things happen to good people. When I would complain that the mean girl always seemed to get the dream guy or the amazing job, she would remind me that mean people are often miserable no matter what successes they have. She'd say we should feel bad for those who are so hateful and be thankful to have love in our hearts and not be one of those people. Snarking on reality stars aside, I think it's sound advice…and she was right! Just look at Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!
Brandi Glanville has struggled to get back on her feet after a nasty and public divorce, and she's tried to be as straightforward and honest (if not totally brash) when it comes to her life. Her frankness and sharp tongue have proven to be Brandi's greatest allies as she gets the last laugh on her haters. Likewise, Adrienne Maloof, who had me fooled season one, has channeled her inner mean girl, and it's not very becoming.
That's right, last weekAdrienne Maloof announced she would not return to the show that made her tacky a nation-wide horror and for that we mourn. Or snark. And you know what that means: it's time for a Housewives Retrospective!
And without further ado, we say good-bye to out first lady of terrible facelifts, Adrienne!
Several ladies announced on twitter yesterday that they were gearing up for the blood bath. Yolanda Foster shared "Maintenance day. Pulling myself together for the big day tomorrow, taping of the RHOBH reunion."
Brandi Glanville confirmed the official beginning of reunion day (which is notorious for hauling HW to a undisclosed location at 6am!) on twitter.
Is it just me or should Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Kyle Richards just give up on her Diddylicious white party? She should just hang it up and call it a day. It had a good run. Whether her husband is getting hit on or her biffle Taylor Armstrong is left in tears (or turned away at the door thanks to her sue-happy husband), the party is merely a venue to hash out drama while extras dance by the pool.
Of course, this season's party was no different, except Taylor got to finally be out of the insanity (relatively speaking…she's still bat shiz crazy). This go-round the drama involved the law suit rumors and surrogacy secrets between Adrienne Maloof and Brandi Glanville. In Adrienne's corner was now ex-husband Paul Nassif while Brandi had best friend Jennifer Giminez with her for support. While the participants managed to keep the yelling, name-calling, and accusations to a minimum (for this crew at least), I can't help but wonder if there was anything we didn't get to see…
Brandi told the radio host that on her first season as a 'Friend of the Housewives' she earned a paltry $18k. That's barely enough to cover spray tans and manicures!
Lucky for her, Brandi says since all the other ladies hated her and wanted her off the show, Bravo hired her full-time! "They just didn't want me there!" Brandi admitted. "They were like, 'Oh, she doesn't fit in. She's out.' " Now as a full-time cast member Brandi says she earns on the low-end of the totem pole raking in $136,000.
So where do we begin with this mess of a show that is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? It was just a blur of white noise. Splits Richards decided there hadn't been enough drama as of late so she decided to host her annual White Party. I mean screw P Diddy and Cannes, this is THE event of the season. Bust out your white swim suit cover-ups, get ready to twirl your hair round your head like a helicopter (one of these days Kyle is going to take off!), and then go threaten to sue your friends! Open bar on the left.
In other happenings,Kim Richards got a nose job. I mean, what else has she got to do? Kim's nose job – not big news in the real BH, I imagine, but in the RHOBH it's cause for celebration. And why not? Kim has never entertained anyone not even us on this show so perhaps it's time for her to do some party hosting. Isn't that what these broads do with their spare time when they're not hiring lawyers because their girlfriends talk shit about them?
So anyway, Kim's having a re-done nose party (I hope she got a ton of cards that said: 'Congratulations on your re-done nose!'). She has this sweet little coffee bar set up and she's rocking a Mrs. Roper mumu as she swans around the pool. It was all very seventies. I've noticed a lot of what Splits and Kim do is circa seventies (hello… THE White Party, y'all!).
Speaking of Splits, she shows up towing along two adorable little girls and one orangey blob in a scarecrow wig. Yeah, Faye Resnick was there, but by the blessed gods of Bravo she barely spoke and stayed mainly off camera. Perhaps they wanted to keep the party focused on decent plastic surgery.
Oh sweet Jesus is there really more back and forth between Brandi Glanville and Adrienne Maloof? Yes – of course! While that mess is still ongoing it seems Brandi is willing to put one acrimonious feud behind her!
And one person who is totally in agreement with that idea is friend (and support system) Yolanda Foster! “I made Brandi promise me this week that once her book tour is over she will never say her name again,” Yolanda shared with Perez Hilton. “At some point you need to move on. There’s children involved, so hopefully she can keep her word.”
Yolanda, you and me both. If I ever have to hear LeAnn Rimes' name again, I may turn to drinking and tweeting!