Let’s talk about hypocrites… we see a lot of those on reality TV. Something we also see a lot of is impending nervous breakdowns – and it seems to me we’re witnessing a scary combination of the two in Caroline Manzo. Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was supposed to be about gay rights with the celebration of Jaime Laurita‘s wedding and Rosie Pierri accepting her own sexuality – sadly it was eclipsed by Caroline vs. Teresa Giudice with Caroline serving up more pettiness and more spite. This show was also about sibling relationships – and so many of these reality sibs actually have some pretty abysmal ones.
Things begin with Teresa and Gia having a chat about Teresa’s never peaceable relationship with Joe Gorga. Teresa is poking at Gia to open up with her while Gia is poking at an eggo waffle – I don’t remember that recipe being in any of T’s cookbooks! I kid, I kid.
Teresa wants to know if Gia thinks she is working hard enough on her relationship with Non-Juicy Joe and if she should do anything differently. Teresa taking advice from a ten-year-old says everything. LOL. In all actuality I thought it was a very sweet and age-appropriate conversation. I appreciated that Teresa wanted Gia to know they are working on things, but I also think Gia is exposed to a leetle too much family drama.
Oh lawdy, last night was a night of meltdowns wasn’t it?Real Housewives of New Jersey was an emotional hot mess of whining, tantrums, crying, cursing, bickering, double talk and fat talk. Sometimes we all freak out – even if we are a forty-something father of four or a ten-year-old girl or an overweight twenty-four year old woman. You know what – we’re all just people at the end of the day.
But before we get to tantrums, let’s talk butt cheeks. There were a lot of those weren’t there? There were also bras and tampons. And I learned something important today that I never particularly wanted to know… Teresa Giudice didn’t wear a tampon until she was 27. Did she never go to the beach on her period until she was married?
So things begin in the car with Teresa and Joe Giudice. She tells him about the pool party and he starts screaming and cursing about how much he hates her family and will throw them out of his house and kill people. It was horrible. Juicy needs an intravenous drip of prozac and an anger management coach. Teresa was mortified – as well she should be – dump this loser please. He’s bad for her image and her self-esteem. CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR THE REST!
*Sigh* When I started watching the Real Housewives of Orange County way back when I was intrigued by the wealthy and fantastical lifestyles of women very different from me. As Real Housewives of Atlanta and Real Housewives of New Jersey came onto the Housewives scenes, they were my two favorites of the franchise. They were light-hearted, silly, and kooky – and I loved the genuine friendships along with the realistic seeming issues between friends.
As with Atlanta, no one on this show likes each other anymore. It’s painful and obvious that even the supposed friendship scenes are fabricated and the ladies are dialing it in. Additionally, I am very tired of the husbands dominating the storyline. This is a show about Housewives – I don’t care about your hubby. If they are that interested in being housewives, get a sex change!
Have you ever said something and immediately after you said it, you wished you could take it back? I think it’s known as foot in mouth syndrome. You know, the awkward moment when something unguarded or rude flies out of your mouth and you’re like ‘ooohhh… oooohhh… that was a mistake. Why did I say that?’ And you try to backpedal. I dunno – maybe Teresa Giudice doesn’t have that radar? So, anyway that was the theme of last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Teresa said something rude to her brother Joew Gorga about Melissa. She probably realized she shouldn’t have said it, but it was too late. The idea was out there floating around in the universe. And the problem was not that Melissa might leave her hubby for a richer man, but that Teresa thinks she would. So there you have it. Teresa, God help her.
We all love Teresa for her sense of unfiltered honesty, but sometimes you gotta know when to zip it! And sometimes you have to know when to pick and chose your battles. And Melissa is not the type of person to give up the opportunity to look like the blessed golden one; the innocent taken advantage of. So when she came at Teresa with the ‘YOU APOLOGIZE! YOU SAID HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT ME’ stuff, Teresa should have owned it and said “sorwry, Meliss.” Now – that would have shocked the words right out of Lady Gorga’s mouth!
Now onto the recap. So last night everyone is at the shore except for Caroline Manzo and her fam. They’re back in Franklin Lakes talking about how fat Lauren Manzo is. The Manzos have poop in their pants – meaning they’re wet blanket miserable bores. I used to love Caroline, now I just count the minutes until she’s off the TV. Oh – did I say that out loud? Sorry, Caroline’s publicist! So everyone FUN – or even remotely fun – is at the shore where Teresa is having some gathering on a boat. It will be The Juicys, The Lauritas, The Wakiles, and The Gorgas.
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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, the ladies of Jersey continued to fragment – but surprisingly so did the men! There was drunken debauchery, poison expulsion, and a fight! Oh, Joe G-to-the-iudice, why you such a mess?
Things begin with Jacqueline Laurita throwing the wayward Hatley Holmes out of the house. Except, Ashlee’s hatless now – she’s Lohan-esque instead (I would call her Injectibles Holmes, but people might think I’m talking about Jacqueline). Anyway, Jacs didn’t seem at all sad to see her go. And poor, once-promising Albie Manzo was sentenced to drive Ashlee to the airport. In the car she whines and fussed about flying and begs the aeronautics gods to make her 21 so she can get wasted before her flight. Then she brags about the time she drank a bottle of cough syrup through a straw to ease her fear of flying. That’s not completely cracktastic or anything! #rehab.
Albie compares Ashlee to Ke$ha but I think that’s too generous because at least Ke$ha has some semblance of talent (maybe?) and a career of some undeserved recognition.
Melissa Gorga pays a visit to Non-Juicy Joe where he is hard at work overseeing the development of buildings. She’s wearing some sort of tight, mini dress and Joe gooses her as they tour the facilities. Joe owns three buildings on the same street – one for each of their children. Melissa doesn’t get a building – she gets Joe and his poison instead. #luckygirl #sarcasm. They reminisce about a time when they had no money to buy diapers and were poor, poor while Joe was developing his buildings.
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They’re baaaaaaaaaaaack. So, last night was the Real Housewives of New Jersey premiere and well, I think it’s very clear how this is all shaking out. It’s Teresa Giudice vs. the world. Bring back Super T cause she needs that cape! From the very first moment of the show, it was evident the emotions are raw and palpable. And it was hard for me to watch. Dare I say, this is the realest any Real Housewives show has ever been!
Things begin with the Wakiles and Gorgas are at the shore house. Kathy Wakile is cooking of course. Someone brings up Teresa‘s cookbook and, conveniently, just so happens to have a copy. And Richie just so happens to read aloud from it in front of all the parties while Melissa Gorga looks uncomfortable. Everyone discusses how much Teresa has changed since fame swept her under it’s demon wing and flew her far away from the marble palace in the half-vacant sub-division, the orange tans, and the salty, sewery breeze of Jersey; to a place where she is honored and revered and not a pariah for her love of sequins and trash talk. Non-Juicy Joe (aka Joe Gorga – gosh it feels good to use the old nicknames again!) announces that as a family, they are moving past the cookbook insults. We all know that’s not true!
At Jacqueline Laurita‘s she is having a party to get Caroline Manzo and Teresa in the same room together. The Manzo spawn are still incensed about Terea’s comments in the cookbook and Caroline is all like ‘you don’t have to kiss my feet – but you better if you want me to accept this apology.’
Somebody brings up Ashley, Ashlee, Hatlee- whatever – and wonders it she’s still a complete loser. That’s an affirmative! Lauren Manzo, who’s become quite the Donette Caroline, quips that the only thing Ashlee has changed about her life is her hair color. Lauren, on the other hand, completed med school by aged 16 and is a doctor on TV, saving children’s lives. Oh wait – that was Doogie Howser.
Teresa shows up and things are prickly. She wants to talk to Caroline and apologize about the cookbook misunderstanding. What?! <<Head spinning>> She wants to handle something like an adult not chuck an onion at Caroline’s head and tell her to go to hell or something. Teresa sits Caroline down and basically says they were all jokes and Caroline should get over it, but she’s sorry she hurt her feelings. All said though, Teresa’s face was so full of emotion and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. It was odd. All these ladies seem so broken. Caroline doesn’t feel the apology is sincere (even though I think it was in Teresa’s way) but decides she’s going to co-exist with Teresa. They hug and Teresa tells Caroline she’s like family to her.
Meanwhile everyone else is prepping for the shore. At the Gorgas’ Joe tells Melissa Teresa thinks Melissa would leave him if she met a richer man. So this definitely seems like a family rebuilding. Melissa and Joe go back and forth about the Teresa issue; they’re both hurt and Teresa is totally out of line. Who says that? So when did Bravo rename this show The Teresa Experience?
Kathy and Richie are packing. Richie pulls out some sex oil and Kathy gets all squeamish, telling him to hide it so no one sees it. Yet – they’re talking about it on television… Right. If sexing up their marriage is going to be a storyline, don’t expect me to recap that. Kathy implores him to just be nice to Teresa and try to get along, since they’ll all be spending time together over the weekend.
Over at Teresa‘s they are also packing up for the shore. Teresa admits this has been a hard year for her with Joeww and his issues. Teresa says Joe has become the nanny and she is now the breadwinner. She loves having him help her around the house, except he’s still lumbering around like a caveman screaming at everyone and tantruming. In the middle of all the chaos, Melania calls Gia a “stupid pooper” BWAHAHA! – which needs to replace bitch and whore as the standard HW insult. Teresa threatens to wash her mouth out with soap unless she apologizes like she means it. Hmmm… maybe Caroline needs to try that approach with T!
In the car on the way there, Teresa asks Joe about what he did last night. Joe claims he was out with some girls! On business! Um, say what? Teresa and Gia‘s hair stands up on end and they’re both like ‘wadaya mean girls’? Joe barks that they need to stay outta his bizness – except that broke fool doesn’t have bizness. And he was at TGI Friday!
Teresa is well aware of the rumors that Joe is cheating on her and she tells him Gia knows too, so he better keep his legs closed! Who would have an affair with Joe? Teresa would cut you faster than you could say Boo. Dang, I get the shivers just thinking about it!
Later while Jr. Mafia Joe is preparing for prison by weight lifting, Teresa wafts in wearing her leopard print robe to confront him about Gia being aware of what goes on. Teresa cites a magazine article she did talking about him going to prison and says Gia is worried about it and can read things. A Giudice that can read? Impossible! Joe, in a rare moment of clarity, tells Teresa this is the life they chose by going on TV. Teresa wants to protect her girls, but Joe seems unconcerned.
The funniest part was the mouse poop in that slide thing they had all rolled up on the roof and all the girls freaking out. haha. I love Melania and she melts my heart. She’s totally a crazy Housewife in training!
At Jacqueline‘s she gets a visit from her lifecoach. Apparently Ashlee is completely out of control and only focused on partying. In fact several times she has gotten stranded in the city because she’s too drunk to get home and Chris has to pick her up in the middle of the night. Yikes. The lifecoach gives her the same advice she’s been getting for three years and hasn’t taken. So when are they buying Ashlee another car?
So, Caroline is menopausal – or pregnant with a change of life baby! No just kidding – although I just kept waiting and waiting for Bravo to pull that out. It could still happen! Maybe Kathy will get the middle-aged storyline this season. Anyway, Caroline’s been having migraines and has been increasingly short tempered. She blames the company she keeps and her children for deserting her. Then hastily adds that Lauren still lives at home though. The doctor tells her she’s getting old. ha
The Gorga’s arrive at their shore house, which used to be normal and quaint until Joe decided to blow it up into a mcmansion complete with a liberry and a roller rink. Sadly, it’s still a construction zone and not fit for habitation. Melissa glares at him and snaps – no sex for you. Tarzan’s not leaving the jungle tonight!
So they all cruise over to Rich and Kathy‘s place, where they proceed to talk about Teresa some more. Apparently Melissa just so happened to come accross Teresa’s In Touch Weekly cover. And after she drew devil horns and a mustache on Teresa’s face and sobbed that she wasn’t front and center, she read the article. Basically, Teresa admitted she was scared that Jr Mafia Joe may be headed to prison.
Last night’s episode ofReal Housewives of New Jerseywas about forgiveness. Teresa and Joe work through the text-pocolypse and realize family includes their children, and perhaps it is time to put the petty bickering aside, but not before cheating their way a through a charity marathon! Oh, who am I kidding – last night’s episode was boooor-ring! It seemed to drag along for so long I couldn’t believe it was only on an hour! Maybe that’s because they talked about the same things for the thousandth time!
The episode begins Jacqueline and The Caroline talking fitness – they have big plans to “participate” in a 5K, because Caroline wants get in shape for Punta Cana – which is a week away. Nothing like last minute! Jacs is thinking she’ll just wear Spanx and work out for the trip by upping her tolerance sitting at home by guzzling wine. After exhausting the work out topic, they talk Teresa and The Caroline has a few snarky comments to make about that! Since they are talking about her, when they arrive at Jacqueline’s – who is there unannounced with her ears ringing, but Teresa wearing a pair of giant fur shoulders and heels for a snowstorm, but no coat! Caroline, who told us that while she may have lost 25lbs, she is still completely made of lasagna, tiramisu, and mozzarella, because she is in terrible shape. So, instead of exercising they sit in Jacqueline’s kitchen and eat while discussing the latest Gorgadice dramz. Well, if anything will drive you to dessert it’s hearing Teresa and Melissa out-screach at each other about stupid Joe nonsense.
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