On last night’s Summer House, Fourth Of July fell on a Monday, which meant the party continued for one more lovely day!
Despite having to venture back to the city to begin a hellacious 3-day work week, the housemates threw a ‘casual’ BBQ brunch, where they frolicked in flag-adorned wardrobes, then strapped on their respectable fisherman’s sweaters and chinos to jettison back to reality later that evening, or in some cases, 4 am the following morning.
Yes, in Montauk every minute is a minute you could be consuming a cocktail, or dealing with a c–k! (or is it dick – I’m conflating the two with good reason here). The rules of Summer House are governed by Kyle Cooke and his roving eye.
So, do we think Brittany Cartwright‘s mama is going to be successful in her quest to get Jax Taylor into a church?! If so, will the holy water turn him into liquefied jelly – or will he start speaking in tongues?! Oh wait, he already does… Yes, an exorcism must be done on Vanderpump Rules, but shockingly, Jax isn’t the one who needs it. OK, maybe he does, but not as bad as some people…
So let me tell you a little story about a Three-Headed SheBeast named KriStasstie – if that sounds like a very weird food served in an eastern European prison, or a disease you probably do not want to contract from a monkey, well, it’s not far off.
This is the story about three women who have absolutely NO IDEA how unimportant their opinions are, and their self-aggrandized delusions about their amazing friendships are, well, sad. Really sad. Thank goodness we have the ‘boyfriend stealing’ Ariana Madix, of the dewy mermaid skin and evil eye to put them in their place. And their place is out by the dumpsters at SUR. Who knows…they may even be puking in them.
Stassi Schroeder had Kyle Cooke as her most recent podcast guest. Kyle is the blonde guy from Summer House who compared Stassi (in her turtleneck swimsuit) to Steve Jobs. “That scene made my year,” Stassi laughs. Kyle actually wore a turtleneck to the interview.
Apparently, Kyle is more than just a drunken womanizer! He’s a businessman who is starting an app to provide dating advice in 2017. Stassi quizzed him, and they dished on their disastrous ‘hook-up attempt’ in Montauk, some behind-the-scenes Jax Taylor gossip, and Kyle’s various business ventures. (Yes, he already has products for the Bravo Home Shopping Network!).
Kyle is very well-spoken and sounds thoughtful and intelligent. I actually enjoyed listening to his perspectives.
I have to be honest, I was annoyed with Summer House before I saw any of it. I wasn’t here for Bravo’s attempt to trick me into watching by not-so-subtly having the Wirkus twins show up at SUR to have lunch with Stassi Schroeder during Vanderpump Rules. It felt a little contrived. Nevertheless, when they previewed Summer House during another Pump Rules episode, I fell for the trick full force and loved the show. I didn’t want to love it, but I actually did and I think you should give it a chance as well.
First off, if you’re anything like me i.e. someone who watches every show on Bravo, then you’ll just end up viewing this one anyway. So why delay that and end up binge watching when you can just get into it straight out of the gate? If that’s not enough to convince you, I have some other reasons.
If you haven’t yet been wooed by the idea of men-children in tight white chinos paired with pastel polo shirts, then I implore you to tune in OnDemand, if only to better appreciate this recap. Because taking a cue from any good Bravolebrity, everything is about Me! Me! Me! Even Summer House. Last night we got our first taste of Montauk living from a bunch of late-twenty/early-thirty something New Yorkers who spend their summers in a rented mansion partying, playing girls (and each other), and wearing pastels.
On last night’s Vanderpump Rules, we learned that Stassi Schroeder‘s problems with men run deep. Like down in the beautiful, briny sea deep. She’s also being strangled in turtleneck-form by her own ill-advised hubris.
Now, I must do a disclaimer with this recap: Do not expect my usual greatness of prose mixed with pearls of wisdom, as I have the worst cold I have ever had in my human existence. And I feel like garbage. Like what Tequila Katie (minus Tom 2) may smear on Scheana Marie‘s overly-contoured face.
Can we talk about Scheana? Ho-ly does that girl need a ‘stink face’ removal procedure. Didn’t anyone warn her that her face will freeze that way if she makes a poop face immediately after getting Botox? I mean, I get it – she has a hard-earned summer body to protect, but lighten up and eat a lil’ clam. I hear Kristen Doute loves them.
With the least popular members of Vanderpump Rules partying in Montauk for Stassi Schroeder‘s birthday (a national holiday if you are a self-absorbed brat!), they introduce us to Summer House via Stassi’s friendship with Lauren and AshleyWirkus.
What this means is TWO HOURS of Vanderpump Rules drama! Is that a good or bad thing? I don’t know… What I do know is that you can meet the cast of Summer House below!
Several of the stars of Vanderpump Rules headed to Cabo to party into the New Year. Along for the trip were LaurenWirkus and Ashley Wirkus, twins, and stars of the new Bravo show Summer House. (They made a cameo on Pump Rules earlier in the season).