So last night's episode of Don't Be Tardy was all about growing up. And sadly Kim Zolciak doesn't wanna grow up! 

Things begin with a sullen Brielle watching KJ. Brielle decides to entertain him by putting him to work sweatshop labor style as her manicurist. Sadly, KJ's fine motor skills haven't totally refined yet and he gets nail polish all over his face. Hey toddler – go play with some toxic chemicals! Babysitting By Bravo. 

Brielle is grounded from her cell phone, TV, and computer since her grades were bad. And unfortunately it's report card day  and Brielle has failed math and science. She has a 90% in Spanish though which is good since Kim has hired Spanish-speaking nannies and the only thing Kim knows how to say is Tequila and Taco. 


Kroy Biermann is furious about Brielle's grades and really disappointed that despite hiring Phillip, the Young Republican tutor, Brielle bombed geometry. I bet if Phillip broke down math in terms of how much money you can bilk out of your parents for clothes and cell phones Brielle would be getting an A+. Sadly high schools don't teach Kim Zolciack Economics

don't be tardy

Kroy suggests taking even more things away from Brielle so that the only thing she has to think about is school. Kroy thinks they should even take away all her clothes that aren't necessities and send her to school in Kim's old sweats. Kim is not onboard with this plan. She thinks they should give Brielle her privileges back in the hopes it will motivate her. Maybe they should even buy her a new Lexus… 

In the end Kroy agrees to try it and Brielle gets to go to Homecoming dance. 

Kim is learning Spanish – finally – since she needs to train the nannies in how to care for her wigs. Kim hires a tutor and demands recite the word "La Peluca" over and over. She is also concerned about pronouncing cabeza (head) and "dinero." Kim confuses cabeza with cerveza however and erroneously thinks the nanny has been feeding KJ and Kash beer. 

Even Brielle is like you're dumb there's no way in eff you went to nursing school. Maybe naughty nursing school… 

So Brielle is going on a date with her friend/crush/future husband Nick. Proving she has more sense than Kim, Brielle does not wear a wig or clip-ins to Homecoming. And she wears rhinestone sneakers with her super cute little dress. She looks adorable and age-appropriate. 

Kim and her friend, Jen are grilling Brielle about the nature of her relationship with Nick while she gets ready. It is very clear Kim is thinking about her own wild teenage years and worried Brielle may be up to the same things, especially when Brielle says no one stays at the dances long and is mostly in it for pictures and parties. But Brielle seems genuine when she ways Nick is just a friend that she loves and she is just joking around when they say they'll get married. And even IF Brielle like-likes Nick so what!

When Nick arrives, Kim 'Mrs. Robinsons' him the hallway and threatens to start pumping in front of him again unless he fesses up to his true intentions with Brielle. Nick winks, tells Kim "TV Time… and the chance to be near her luscious MILF" and Kim tosses him the keys to the Range Rover, Kroy's credit card, and a 3 am curfew. Ok, so the editors cut that part out… 


Kim and Jen take Brielle and Nick to a restaurant for their pre-dance dinner date. Kim and Jen sneak in and spy on them while they're having dinner. Kim worries that she should have worn Sasha, her brown Russian Mail Order Bride wig. Dammit instead she wore Tammi, her superblonde Vegas show girl one. 

Brielle and Nick are ordering food (they obviously have Bravo's budget since they order Filet Ming-non) and then Kim accidentally calls Kroy on speaker and his ring tone alerts Brielle to her mother's presence. Brielle stomps over, pretends to be mad, and then Kim agrees to leave and go have wine across the street before driving her daughter to the dance. Where are Nick's parents? 

Things end with Brielle getting her mid-term progress report. She is no longer failing; she's getting Cs. Kim immediately calls Kroy and starts begging him to buy Brielle a Range Rover or at least an Audi. Is she freaking kidding?! Brielle is also begging Kroy for a luxury car. He suggests Kim take Brielle to get some ice cream instead and says when she shows long-term improvement they will talk a car. And not necessarily a Mercedes.

Kim was already driving there with Kroy's filched social security number when he put the kibosh on the plan. I bet he already alerted the dealership to turn them away. 

Brielle is visibly disappointed that Kroy said no and Kim is also annoyed. Well, I was gonna say books, not boys, Brielle. But I guess I should say books, not boys wallets. Great lessons Kim is teaching her girls. She truly is passing the wig… 

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