Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County left me wondering about the blurred lines of real reality vs. reality TV appropriate as we witnessed Vicki Gunvalson reacting to the news that her mom had unexpectedly passed away.
Of course, Vicki’s tragic news was preceded by petty dramas with clueless Meghan Edmonds, and interspersed with scenes of whooping it up over Bunco at Shannon Beador‘s house. It seems inappropriate to write a recap that encompasses both the tragic passing of a parent and nonsense over whether or not a party invite was shady. But alas, the powers that be over at Bravo have given me this incredible opportunity. (Sarcasm).
At Meghan’s house, that’s not really Meghan’s house because Jimmy bought it and decorated it with one of his exes, they’re packing in preparation for a move. Apparently Meghan and Jimmy have moved 65 times in the last 6 minutes so I presume they’re high-class squatters and this is going to be a really interesting HGTV cross-over. Also, if you don’t really live anywhere – how have you amassed enough stuff for several junk drawers? Jimmy blames Meghan for the stuff. Because of course.
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In the middle of Jimmy blaming Meghan for every last abandoned twist tie and back edition of Playboy, Shannon calls to extend the vino branch by inviting Meghan to her bunco party. Shannon wants to put all the crazy behind them – which doesn’t mean that Shannon is going to stop being crazy, just that she wants to start over with Meghan and have an opportunity to re-release the crazy once they’re better acquainted. Instead of being thrilled that Shannon finally called her back, despite the charity invite snub, Meghan whines that she can’t trust Shannon because Shannon went ballistic in Napa, so she’s not sure it’s safe to come to Shannon’s home.
Meghan has to ask her parent first and make sure another grown up will be home. Shannon assures her that Heather Dubrow is attending and Tamra Judge isn’t going to sneak boys over. Uhhh… what excactly does Meghan think Shannon is going to do to her – knock her out with a yeast-free vodka bottle and lock her in the basement until she’s no longer 30 and wrinkle-free?
Despite Shannon insisting there’s no ulterior motive, she’s just extending the olive branch, Meghan demands Shannon “prove” to her that she won’t snap again. If I were Shannon, and I had an olive branch, I’d smack Meghan with it. Smack her right into one of those moving boxes and mark it “DONATE” (To JDRF, naturally).
As Meghan decides whether or not Shannon is worthy of her presence, Shannon fumes over being given ultimatums by a 30-year-old. So Shannon calls Meghan back to, again, tell her she doesn’t have to prove anything. Meghan’s response, “Like I said, prove it.” Shannon is speechless. Shannon needs to lose Meghan’s number permanently. And Meghan needs to lose the entitled attitude and grow the eff up. She seriously is 30 going on 13 and acts like an immature brat. I feel like I’m watching Freaky Friday, Real Housewives edition and Meghan’s teenaged stepdaughter is really the “hashtag cool stepmom”!
Meghan leaves Shannon dangling from her olive branch, then she goes off to practice kissing on her One Direction poster and Facebook Messenger about how Jimmy got to second base last night.
On the other side of the spectrum, where things are mature – like granny panty mature – Vicki and Tamra have a spa day. CUT Fitness and Coto Insurance are in the same plaza and in between them is a spa. All Vicki and Tamra need is a wine trough and a therapist and they’d never have to leave that strip mall again!
They discuss becoming grandmas and how much it will change a gal, although Tamra vows never to wear granny panties! Then they get saran-wrapped in marshmallow because it’s supposed to make you look younger. As they get up to shower off the marshmallow Vicki has an Oops! moment and flashes her bare butt. I love seeing Vicki and Tamra’s friendship – they are so cute together; I do not love seeing Vicki’s granny butt wrapped in marshmallow! However, cheers to being a granny who doesn’t wear granny panties – even if you do need Depends!
Heather is in mom-mode becuase Terry is constantly in work-mode. As a result, she’s stuck taking all four kids to the salon while the nannies are instructed to hide in the utility closet while Heather sit-com guest stars as the perfectly styled, yet frazzled mommy we all relate to. Heather impatinetly waits for Terry, who never shows because famewhoring waits for no man – or child.
Heather gripes that Terry has always craved fame, but it goes beyond that – Terry dreams of being a star! And Botched consumes his every waking moment. This is creating tension in their marriage because duh – HEATHER is the star! Heather is so desperate steal a moment of Terry’s time in the spotlight, she allows him film removing a cyst from her hand for a Botched segment. Or maybe… they’re in it together – with evil plans of taking over the reality TV universe one innocuous fake cake and fake fight at a time. Maybe this is a plot to distract us with bloody hands … Hey, it’s more interesting than hearing Meghan tell us that she and Jimmy are soul mates while he throws darts at their wedding photo in the man cave.
Yes, Meghan and Jimmy have moved into their 4 month rental. The movers think so highly of Meghan they packed her trash can in a moving box, but didn’t dump out the trash! Meghan explains what an in-sync team they are: she’s doing all the work to find their new house – checking MLS listings, then going to look at places Jim might like so when he’s in town they go look at them together. But he always rejects her picks. According to Meghan, they equally wear the pants in their marriage, although Jim wears the pair with the wallet in the pocket and she’s not actually allowed to wear pants because Jim won’t let her.
Speaking of teams, Vicki and Brooks are team Beat Cancer! They’re doing it one coffee enema and juice fast at a time. Brooks decided to turn to holistic solutions because chemo hasn’t worked, and juice starves cancer but salad feeds it. Cancer is not on Weight Watchers. Vicki explains that she’s not an oncologist, only a love tank-ologist, so maybe you can kale smoothie away the big C. Right – if that were the case Jamba Juice would be covered under insurance.
Because Shannon likes to get her hands dirty, she’s preparing appetizers for her bunco night. Then David comes home and announces he saw some girl Shannon knows at the beach and Shannon’s mind immediately goes to, ‘David ran into the woman he had an affair with…’ Shannon begins imagining that David is back on Google-Chat doing THINGS. She installed surveillance cameras in his gym bag, but is determined to forget the affair and trust David again! Did I mention David is annoyed with Shannon for questioning him because he just wants to move on after the affair.
So let me break this down: Shannon is afraid of all women anywhere, everywhere because David may see, or be around them. Even in line at Starbucks. She’s essentially stalking him because he refuses to answer her constantly probing questions about what he was doing on that interwebby-new fangled contraptiony thingie – and where are the keys?! How is David making Google-chat words on that doohickey?! David refuses to be open with Shannon, yet is demanding she move on and forgive him.
Shannon cries right into the shrimp puffs, with gunk on her hands, while her BFF stands there, wide-eyed, wondering if she should get the bottle of vodka or page Dr. Moon. Here’s my advice, Shannon: no matter how many positive thoughts and yeast-free vodkas you force down your throat (and ours) about how your marriage won’t become a statistic – it already has. And you can’t fix the shattered bridge overlooking the river DeNile.
Meghan arrives first to the party she doesn’t want to attend. And she’s wearing a dead panda bear because that always makes the right impression. Meghan rambles about Jimmy and her move and Vicki learns Jim is only in CA half the month, which means RED FLAG – Meghan’s love tank is empty. Paging Dr. Brooks – Love Tank Fillerupper, we’ve got an emergency!
Shannon gives Meghan the wine she bought for the charity party Meghan uninvited her to and Meghan imagines Shannon is using said wine as a “wedge” to ram down everyone’s throats about how she’s the bigger person. Um, no, Meghan – Shannon just has no use for wine – it has yeast!
Then Meghan gives Shannon a peace offering candle. And Shannon is like that’s so nice, Bath & Body Works. How… toxic and filled with synthetic perfumes that cause cancer. Ummm…. I’ll just put this in David’s office.
Horrifically, in the middle of bunco, Vicki receives a phone call alerting her that her mother has passed away suddenly and collapses on the floor in hysterical sobbing. Vicki’s brother Billy found their mom, but it was too late. Vicki sobs uncontrollably and thankfully Tamra, Heather and Shannon hold her supportively and are just sincere friends.
Heather calls Brooks, to come to Shannon’s. While Vicki is sobbing, Meghan hovers awkwardly nearby for some bizarre reason. Go sit down and sniff a candle! So weird. Even weirder: the cameras just continued rolling, which I fond to be completely inappropriate. Then Vicki called her brother Billy, while her friends clustered around her, my heart broke.
Sigh – I am so sorry for Vicki. What a tragedy. I sobbed watching this, as I’m sure all of you did too. I really have no words to express my condolences and sympathy for Vicki and her family, but I sure hope Joanne is woo hoo-ing and whopping it up in heaven. RIP Mama.
TELL US – WAS IT APPROPRIATE FOR BRAVO TO AIR THE FOOTAGE OF VICKI LEARNING OF HER MOM’S DEATH? WAS MEGHAN BEING RIDICULOUS ABOUT SHANNON’S INVITE?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]