Vicki wants sex

She may be reveling in being crowned Reality Queen at the 4th Annual Reality TV Awards, but Vicki Gunvalson still claims to be smarting from this season of Real Housewives of Orange County. Deserved or not (and I’m still not sure which side I’m on), the OG of the OC came into the season as quite the outsider thanks to her former relationship with Brooks Ayers. She befriended newbie Kelly Dodd, resumed her feud with Shannon Beador, and was the epitome frienemy goals with her on-off-on-WAY OFF former bestie Tamra Judge.

All of these women are ridiculous, in my opinion. I’d call them high school mean girls, but I think seventh grade girls are even meaner. Maybe that’s a better comparison. Each clique is so concerned with accusing the other of same exact things both are doing. I want to scream, “You’re all talking shiz! You’re all horrible friends! You all need a stylist who knows the meaning of the term ‘age appropriate’!” They’d do better just walking around holding a mirror up to one another because they are all the same: gossipy, insecure, hateful, and, of course, constantly the victim. Duh.


Vicki breaks it all down in her blog this week, starting with her take on what went down on the season finale. Her post is about a paragraph shy of being a novella, so I had to cut out portions of it, but you’ll get the gist. People talk crap about her, she is tired of apologizing, and Tamra is a nasty bully who can dish it but can’t take it (Nail. On. Head.). Sigh. She begins, “Watching this episode was really hard for me. I didn’t want to go to Shannon’s, but I wanted to support Tamra because she had asked me to go. Hindsight I should have just gone to dinner with Briana and Steve alone – it would have been a lot more fun. I know often times at these parties someone is always the target and I absolutely guessed it would be Kelly or I, so that’s why I wore red. I’d be easy to find.”

She continues, “These women don’t scare me, and I’m tired of Tamra and Shannon saying that all I do is talk about them. The truth is I don’t, but if they want to continue to assassinate my character and call me a liar, I will continue to speak my truths. I don’t care about their personal life, I really don’t, but I’m fed up with ‘S & T’ attempting to tarnish my reputation. All they do is talk about me. Whether I’m there or not, I’m always talked about, and it’s exhausting to hear them continuing this bantering. I don’t know what their motive is, but I have my own gut instinct, which I will share at a later time.”

Apology-gate is a real thing with this group, in case you didn’t know, and Vicki has felt its crushing burden. She writes, “There is a lot that you the viewers don’t know on how hard it was to start this season without having to discuss my past relationship. It was lingering problem and it had a residual affect. The beginning of the season, I always felt like I was always trying to win these girls over. The truth of the matter is, I DID want to get back into social graces with them, but after seeing what I did on this week’s episode it’s not something I want to do anymore. It’s tough to swallow how mean and hurtful they can be. I never heard once from Shannon or Tamra, but they continue to expect apologies from me (which by the way they continued to receive). It’s so lopsided it’s a joke.”

Turning her attention (more so) to Tamra, Vicki admonishes, “I’ve counted the last few episodes that Tamra has said she wants to ‘kill’ Kelly or I more than three times in the past two weeks, and that’s only what we have seen. I can’t imagine really how many times this woman says ‘I want to kill her/him’ in her normal activities. Her outbursts and her foul language is frightening. Watching Tamra lately, I see someone who is fighting so hard to be relevant, to be the bully, the one who likes to attack, likes to stir up problems and go after others as her mission in life. I’m done with her antics and I see right through her. Tamra telling me to ‘stop talking about her’…is she serious? Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black? That’s all this woman does is talk about people. Over and over again, she’s talking bad about people including me. She is never at peace with anyone. She always has someone she is upset with. Is that how she wants to be remembered?”

Whatever you do, DO NOT drink every time one of the RHOC cast calls out a co-star in her blog for being classless. No one wants you to get alcohol poisoning. Recalling Tamra’s tees, Vicki shares, “Tamra passing out her stupid t-shirts was a joke. What was I supposed to do when she hands me a t-shirt saying I’m guilty of lying? What was her mission here? She knows me longer than any of the other ladies and although it hasn’t always been easy on us, I would have expected more from her. For her to do that to me in front of my new boyfriend Steve and the other guests, was embarrassing. I decided to laugh it off at the time, but realized this was a friendship I did not want any longer. I was done and for her to do that to me, is just disgusting and classless. Typical Tamra though. She loves to be hurtful. Needless to say, I don’t understand why she would go to the trouble of printing something like that when she knew it would go in the garbage…which is actually where it went.”

She explains, “I told Kelly about my volatile, unpredictable friendship with Tamra. I told her that I don’t think she can be trusted in a group of women. Tamra one on one is great and we always have fun together, however once she gets around other ladies, her mission is always to conquer and divide. I always feel like I’m a ‘game’ with her and I never really know what her end motive is. I think she likes conflict, I really do. Ask any of the past ‘Wives of their relationship with Tamra and they will tell you the same thing. She’s hurtful and says whatever she can to cause chaos and drama season after season.” Vicki then lists a laundry lists of former OCers who have been on Tamra’s receiving end…Vicki’s too, though.

While she cops to telling Kelly about her toxic friendship with Tamra, we know Vicki really told Kelly a lot more, which she (sort of ) admits. Poor Eddie. He just wants to work out and not have to constantly hear his wife’s shrieking. Can’t we cut the guy some slack? Captain Obvious Vicki reveals, “Rumors about Eddie have circulated for years now. Let me get this straight with all of you…I don’t care one way or the other of his sexual preference, but WHY would Tamra continue to not hit it head on and talk about it? She’s heard it, everyone has heard it. If it’s not true, then laugh it off and/or discuss it. Why yell and spit in people’s faces and scream at them if they discuss the ‘rumor’? If she’s trying to hide some things she is aware of or knows about him, then why is HE off limits when she doesn’t allow other people’s ‘stuff’ to be off limits? When Tamra said that ‘I want the guys to look bad so my ex didn’t look so bad’, that’s the farthest from the truth. Tamra said she doesn’t want me spreading rumors about people, which I agree that I shouldn’t, and NOR should they. I shouldn’t have told Kelly anything about what I heard about Eddie and I should have let her find out for herself. In fact, what is interesting is Kelly had already heard about the ‘rumor’, and it wasn’t just me ‘repeating a rumor’ because she already knew of it.” That makes it better, right?

Vicki adds, “I was shocked at Heather [Dubrow] as well. Heather and I have never had negative words to each other, but from the party it looks like that has changed now too. The truth is I like(d) Heather, however I am shocked at her negativity and rudeness towards me when there was no reason for it. We have never been super close, but we have always shown a level of respect for one another. It looks like Tamra has worked her little manipulation magic to have Heather speak so ill of me. This has Tamra written all over it, I can see it a mile away. This is not something I would have expected from her. Now, is that classy?” DO. NOT. DRINK.

I’m going to revisit a time where Vicki thought, in hindsight, she should have not spread gossip. And by revisit, I mean read up a few paragraphs. My sarcasm in no way forms my alliance to Vicki or the ladies she’s gossiped about (and oppositely, the women who have gossiped about her), but hypocrisy in general is amusing. Vicki asserts, “Now, onto Shannon. I ended last season with Shannon in a really bad place. For some reason, she took it upon herself to try and portray that she was a victim in what I went thru with my ex. It’s been a long time now, and the fact that she wouldn’t move on over a year later was interesting to say the least. Was this something that really affected her? Has she ever sat back to realize how it all affected me? NO!”

Trying to atone for that volatile tidbit she shared with Kelly about Shannon’s relationship with David, Vicki, states, “She tried in the beginning of this season to be steadfast on convincing the ladies I was a ‘liar’ and for them not to be around me. I’ve done my very best to enter 2016 on learning from my past, and attempting to be aware of the red flags in any future relationships and to keep those relationships more private. When Kelly and I talked, I told her how quick Shannon was to judge me, when in fact her marriage to David was anything but stellar. Hindsight, I should have never told Kelly about them and what I experienced with Shannon and let it come out on its own…because it would have eventually. I never expected Kelly to share that with her, but it is what it is. I’m not mad at Kelly for telling Shannon what I told her, I’ll take the responsibility for sharing it with Kelly. When I talked to Kelly about it privately, it was to tell Kelly how I never revealed something that would hurt Shannon, and how I chose to not share it with the other women even after how mean and vindictive she had been towards me. I never expected it to ‘get out’, and hindsight should have just kept it to myself. Problem is, Shannon continuing to call me a liar and saying ‘she doesn’t lie’, is not being truthful.'”

In conclusion (if you disregard the actual conclusion I cut out which was basically a promo for Vicki’s insurance company,” Vicki summarizes, “The reunion show was taped last week, and I’m glad it’s behind us. This season took a turn for the worse towards the end which no one could have predicted. Although Ireland turned out not so nice for Kelly, it was a decent trip for me and one that I felt some fences were mended which was nice which obviously now are not,” adding about the season finale, “If I could have done anything different, I would not have shared what I know about Shannon and David with Kelly. I wish truthfully I never knew that information about them.”

Remember when I said I had to cut this post for length? I didn’t do a great job, so I apologize. And I apologize without blame shifting to another Reality Tea writer or calling out inaccuracies in her blogging skills. And this is why I’d never make it as a housewife. I’d be the chum ready and waiting for all (ALL!!) the sharks to pounce. So, on to the next season?!?!


[Photo Credit: Bravo]







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