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jedward

I’ve come out of sulking long enough to do this Celebrity Big Brother recap then I shall go back to drowning myself in a jar of Nutella.  And I mean Straight Nutella.  No bread, or toast or any of that soft stuff.  A hit, straight up from the jar.  I only use a spoon so I don’t look animal.  Anyways, I digress…

We first recap on the day of the eviction.  Jasmine Waltz starts the day apologizing to Big Brother for being a brat.  She actually does it in quite an amusing way and recognizes that she was being petulant.  Fair Play.

Next up, Jedward are shaving.  That’s it, no more.  I think Big Brother feels that the fact these two are mature enough for facial hair is newsworthy.   Someone needs to tell their brains.

Spencer Pratt is laying claim to Austin Armacost and the fact that he’s American and not British.  He states that his little sister is more British than he is.  No, no, no Spence.  Just cos she may have swapped body fluids with one or more members of “Made in Chelsea”, does not, an English woman make.  In fact, feel free to take her back with you #taxiforthepratts.

In fact, Dear America, we love you dearly.  Like a brother or sister we mutually respect and we have always had that special kind of relationship.  Lately however, got to admit, things are a little one sided.  We gave you One Direction, you gave us Perez Hilton.  We gave you an awful lot of the Game of Thrones cast, you gave us the Pratts.  Our special relationship is turning more into one of that elderly Aunt at Christmas that keeps buying you Lavender Bath sets.  It has been noted…

It’s nice to say Austin seems to have made peace with most people in the house, even James Jordan.  Whilst Coleen Nolan is telling Austin in the garden that she thinks he should be the one to leave, just for his own sake with what’s happening in his life right now, James J quips “you are what Big Brother is about, 100%, A f*cking nut job…” and they all laugh, and it’s a genuine relaxed friendly banter laugh.  Who’d have thought they would get to that status after the other night.

We cut to Calum Best and Spencer competing in notoriety status in America and the UK.  Spencer tried to tell him how to get more money/fame.  Heidi just sits there.  Maybe someone forgot to put her batteries back in.

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Spookily, Stacy Francis and Jasmine Waltz have another argument.  Which isn’t the spooky thing.  That’s because it starts with a ghost jar of Nutella!   See, Nutella can make a person, or break a person.  Although I’m not entirely sure how it happened, one minute Stacy went looking for some, and it turns out Jasmine confused it with Peanut Butter, and Stacy was so traumatized, she called her names again.  Rhymes with stitch isn’t witch.  Stacy sounds off to Bianca and tries to explain, but Bianca Gascoigne has exactly the same look on her face that I did trying to work it out.  Confused.

We move to the eviction and then to the footage from after that.  The housemates are all greeting the newbies.

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Kim Woodburn opens the section by saying Spencer was a little pig last time and that she hopes he’s being nice.  Up in my estimation already.  Chloe starts talking, and just doesn’t stop.  Even now, I think she’s still going.   Maybe she’d know a little more if she shut up enough to listen….

The housemates separate into the Hell housemates and normal.  In the main house Chloe still hasn’t stopped talking.  In between being crude about the ornamental dog, and calling James C ‘Santa’, the only funny thing about her is the looks the other housemates give as they realise they’re stuck in the house with her for the forthcoming future.  I think the hell housemates are the winners here.  The rest will be volunteering.  Poor James C looks like his hearing has been tasered and Nicola tries to comfort him soothingly.  Even newbie Jessica sits with him talking and is pleasant enough.  I genuinely feel for the guy.

Chloe has a bit of a flirt with Calum, who reciprocates (not sure of its just habit/politeness, he doesn’t seem that enthusiastic).  It’s a short lived thing though, as she throws a sausage randomly across the table at him, to which he tells her off.  Quite severely.  Dudes annoyed as hell (‘scuse the pun).

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Coleen‘s crying in the diary room as she can’t understand why the public don’t like her.  I feel unsympathetic till she reminds us she’s been put in hell with Jedward.  I can see her point.  Although maybe if she has a taste of Chloe, she’d change her tune.

And its starts again.  Chloe jumps into the pool and the splash soaks Kim.  Kim goes off like a bottle of soda, and starts reprimanding her for doing it, and when she goes on for a while, tells Jessica off when she tries to calm everything down.  She’s like the scary teacher at school and though she was in the right initially, she takes it too far and just seems to want to humiliate Chloe, when to be fair, it was pure thoughtlessness rather than anything more malicious.

Poor James Cosmo looks physically in pain.  Weirdly It’s Kim who raises the game and calls Jessica a “rude little b*tch”.  Jessica doesn’t even raise her voice and treats her like the child she is acting.

Now I’ve seen Kim on a different TV show in the UK called “Come Dine With Me” and there was one night when she was aggressive and rude and absolutely horrendous, after drinking too much, so I’m wondering how much of this is alcohol induced (not that it’s an excuse of course).  It seems that just at the point when the original housemates had pretty much made peace or at least calmed the worse, the dynamics and arguments start up again with the newbies.

The Hell housemates are given 5 minutes to get their personal belongings from the house, and do so while the original house mates are in the garden.  They take the opportunity to ransack the house, and whilst half get their items, the rest grab food or trash the counters.  James J gets called to the diary room and Big Sister (female voice) gets ‘sassy’ and tells him all food must be returned to the house now. He takes the news whilst munching a biscuit and cheerily tells her that he doesn’t think that will happen.  It was an amusing Big Brother moment, and they actually give in a lot easier than I thought they would.  All food is returned and spirits seem risen (in the mood sense, not the hell one.  That’s a whole different program).

We go to the house and Chloe is getting changed in the bathroom with Calum, Jessica and Jamie.  She is happy to expose boobs and butt, and both boys tell her to cover up with the towel.  I can’t decide if she’s just over-exuberant or downright irritating.

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In hell, it’s the middle of the night and Jasmine takes one of the skeletons, and creeps up on Jedward in bed.  She places the skeletons hand on the leg, and wakes him up (a Jedward wakens, not a skeleton).  He is not amused and tells her to chill out and go to sleep.  THE most ironic moment ever.

We finish the episode with Jamie saying goodnight to Bianca, with what appears to be a sneaky snog….an eventful evening all round.

Author: Nicki M.

Photo Credit: Big Brother/Channel 5

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