After watching last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, I have decided two things. Firstly, Porsha Williams owes Kandi Burruss an apology. She admitted she made up the drug and rape rumors, and that was gross, so now she needs to pull her big girl panties out of her butt and say these two simple words, sincerely, “I’m sorry” and she should not expect Kandi to forgive her.
The problem is Porsha told a lie. She told a really damning and smearing lie. While lying is no new thing to this show (and it is amusing that Kenya Moore, who has told more falsehoods than Pinocchio, is the most enraged about Porsha’s lie), Porsha has told a lie that could potentially have legal ramifications or ruin Kandi’s reputation. The worst though is that Porsha doesn’t seem bothered by that, and doesn’t seem to get how bad this is. Nor does she seem bothered that Kandi is so upset. Which is especially disconcerting considering that Porsha and Kandi were once close friends.
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Even worse is that Porsha told this really enormous lie over a few insignificant-seeming arguments with Kandi. Since all this happened in front of Todd2 The Lesser, I would hope he had the wherewithal to book a ticket home immediately and then change his phone number and address, but considering he’s dating Porsha in the first place I am not expecting any sense from him at all.
The second thing I learned is that Phaedra Parks needs to take some training before attempting another ‘restoration’ or whatever that little peer mediation session was. It would have been better if Phaedra just took the ladies to a spa and said, “No one talk to each other until after a massage, facial, anti-cellulite treatment, and six glasses of green juice spiked with vodka and/or Xanax.” Then maybe Porsha and Kandi could have possibly non-kissed and non-made up, but at least have had a civil conversation.
Also, let’s stop pretending Phaedra was having an affair on Apollo. Unlike Kenya or Porsha, I like the actual facts, which are these (We think): Apollo and Phaedra were SEPARATED. I noticed Kandi carefully said Phaedra was talking to a guy “before Apollo went to prison.” Yes, and at the time they were separated -he was not living at home and actually had a another girlfriend. So, I actually do hope Phaedra was being entertained by a fine gentleman, eating some delicious chocolate. Let’s stop trying all that mess, Kandi – it almost makes her look Porsha-bad. And even though Porsha did Kandi dirty, she’s still a bad friend.
So anyway, the first night in Maui is a total disaster. Like dinner party from hell in paradise. How sad. They’re supposed to be soothed by the waves and the beautiful scenery, but instead they’re a sobbing screaming mess. After whipping out screenshots of texts Porsha sent her admitting to their encounter with attached rape joke, Kandi is so enraged she threatens to choke Porsha. Porsha probably filed that little comment under her Go Naked Weave to use as ammunition for the revised version of her drug and rape and lesbian story – this one including how Kandi also tried to convince her to participate in auto-asphyxiation of some other nonsense in the sex dungeon.
Even Phaedra tries to calm Kandi down. Which is like showing emotion if you’re Phaedra who literally just smiles and nods through the entire conversation and tries her hardest NOT to absorb the enormous reality of what Porsha has said.
Phaedra is actually trying to stop Kandi from killing off Frack. By that time Kandi was so worked up she had to just leave dinner. Which left Porsha sitting at the table with a self-satisfied smirk. Porsha is actually congratulating herself for remaining cool, calm, and collected while Kandi, etc was screaming in her face. She thinks they bully her. So apparently marks progress with her Anger Management. But two steps forward; two steps back! Porsha may not be physically assaulting people, but instead she is re-channeling that anger to make up vicious lies.
The next morning Kandi has calmed down, but she’s still too angry to deal with Porsha. She decides to uninvited Porsha to the planned speedboat outing and asks Phaedra to relay the news. Porsha seems completely nonplussed over what happened with Kandi. Actually her spirits are fully restored once Phaedra arrives to deliver the boating bad news wearing two strips of dental floss and calling it a swimsuit. It wasn’t a thong, but it might as well have been since it didn’t really fit over that donkey booty. It was actually a boob sling. So using her beguiling feminine allure Phaedra convinces Porsha it’s actually a blessing in disguise that she’s being ousted from the cast activity because instead she gets to share the day with Todd. They can build sandcastles on the beach, and giggle at fart jokes and blow bubbles through their straws into their sodas, and eat nothing but candy… Or whatever it is 6 year olds do in their leisure time.
Well you might think getting rid of Frack meant RHOA would relax, instead things got super weird between Bob and Sheree Whitfield.
Phaedra finds herself riding in a van with Kenya, Sheree, and Bob. They run through the obligatory conversation topics: the drama between Kandi and Phaedra, how incredible Cynthia Bailey and Peter are getting along despite their divorce, and that time Bob once plotted to kill Sheree. Yep. Really. In the backseat Kenya and Phaedra freeze in shock.
It got worse – because then Bob admitted he once choked Sheree, and joked that perhaps he didn’t choke her hard enough since she still remembers what happened. It comes out that there was physical and verbal abuse in their marriage. Sheree has repressed this, but Bob’s comments bring it all back to the surface, and then she becomes overwhelmed by emotions.
As Sheree silently sobs, Bob awkwardly reaches for her hand. In all her years on RHOA I’ve never seen Sheree cry. EVER. But this was real, raw emotion. Even Kenya had the humanity to comfort Sheree and Phaedra hissed at Bob to apologize. Bob may have said what Porsha refuses to: “I’m sorry” but it was too late. To Sheree it’s crystal clear as the Maui waters that Bob hasn’t changed, and she can’t turn a blind eye this time while he makes jokes about hurting her. Sheree has realized she can’t turn back time, and she certainly can’t be that example to her daughters. THIS moment was the true restoration!
By the time they meet up with the rest of the group, Sheree has rechecked her emotions and pushed reality into the deep, dark ocean abyss. Instead Cynthia, still in lala land, gets her beach gown drenched on the crazy speedboat. Which Kenya thinks is doing twirls just for her! I am so tired of her yelling “Twirl” at everything, btw. Maybe the boat is trying to toss her off? Back to her homeland among the sea witches? Phaedra observes that Kenya enjoys a dangerous boat ride, possibly because she lives below sea level. I think given her swimsuit attire, Phaedra lives for danger as well! Birds of a barely-covered feather, perhaps.
On land, Todd and Porsha get a windswept massage, then frolic on the beach and entertain the possibility of getting married. Then the rest of the group goes to dinner. Phaedra ruins the otherwise pleasant vibe by suggesting they do a ‘restoration’ later that night because it’s apparently necessary and vital to restore Porsha’s place to the group. The menfolk flee for the open bar and Kenya essentially puts her fingers in her ears and sings “La La LAAAA” loudly. Yet somehow, hours later, she finds herself in Phaedra’s room arguing about domestic violence while eating Cheez-Its. Truly.
Well, I see where Phaedra’s intent was going with this whole restoration idea, but the setting was way too haphazard and awkward. She could’ve benefited from a neutral third party. Say, a Dr. Jeff, or her pastor, or Marlo Hampton? Instead it was just the ladies, some cheap wine, a box of crackers, and a whole lotta bad juju which no one wants to swallow down.
Also, basically, Phedra’s motivation – at least in Hawaii – was transparent. She wants the women to pretend Porsha didn’t accuse Kandi of possibly planning to drug and rape her, because Phaedra wants everyone to get along well-enough to not fight while supporting her charitable events. Obviously Phaedra is seriously biased – she’s Team Porsha all the way and that’s not a real popular team right now. It was stupid of her to think this would work.
First Kenya and Sheree have some sort of odd argument over who was making fun of domestic violence and who had real domestic violence incidents vs. exaggerated ones. You would think after what Kenya witnessed with Bob, and how Kenya comforted Sheree, they could both let it go, but being right matters or something. Eventually Phaedra interjected to point out that they were both accusing each other of the same thing and had was a miscommunication. Shockingly they accepted that, and moved on. Phaedra had far-far less success with Kandi and Porsha. Mostly because Kandi is not receptive to anything ELSE Porsha may have to say – Satan only knows what else it could be – and Porsha truly acts as if she didn’t do anything wrong. As even Cynthia noticed, a restoration only works if the people want to be restored!
So essentially Porsha admitted she was mostly just saying a bunch of crazy BS because she was mad, and that she essentially fabricated most of her allegations against Kandi, yet she still won’t apologize because she feels Kandi deserved it for talking about Porsha’s sex life with Block. HUH? Isn’t that sort of what abusers say to their victims, like, ‘you made me do this because you did some trivial thing that pissed me off’?
Kandi points out that she has supported Porsha time and time again, and been a really goof friend to her, but then as soon as Kandi said one thing to piss Porsha off, she turned into a viper. Which is kind of ironically what Kandi did to Phaedra. So is this like karma? Despite all this, Porsha refuses to apologize or admit wrong doing, but she is quick to deflect by reminding Kandi what a bad friend she was to Phaedra.
Which led to a little moment of Kandi trying to force Phaedra into admitting that she cheated on Apollo. Phaedra got Kandi to apologize for accusing her of calling the FEDs, so maybe there is hope that Porsha will someday apologize to Kandi?
Finally it is Cynthia who says what all of us are thinking – that if you really want to have a legit restoration you need way better snacks, some Himalayan sea salt mood lighting, and at least mixed drinks! But calling everyone into your hotel room at 11pm at night to pass around a box of crackers, ain’t cracking no serious drama. Cynthia, once again, decides to go to bed. Maybe Peter is in there waiting. So they can have some closure, you know.
The next morning Sheree also receives some closure. Bob invites her to a jewelry store to buy her forgiveness, but unlike in the past, She By SheBroke has now recognized that diamonds are only temporary. Rising from her chair, Sheree informs Bob that he hasn’t changed and she is no longer going to accept his broken promises. In response he laughs! Which is just cruel. She demands he stop laughing but he can’t control himself. Sheree starts walking away but he grabs her arm and won’t let go. She finally wrenches free, and leaves Bob laughing to himself in the jewelry store while she cries in the car back to the hotel. Bob is definitely Dr. Jackass and Mr. Hide.
TELL US – CAN KANDI AND PORSHA EVER BE RESTORED? DOES BOB DESERVE A SECOND CHANCE?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]