Southern Charm Recap: Million Dollar Matchmaker


Talk about a double shot of Southern Charm! After Craig Conover acted like a straight-up asshat to his girlfriend Naomie Olindo, it seemed that the only solid couple on the show could be crumbling. Of course, use it Cameran Eubanks to swoop in with some love potion for her faint of heart co-stars. Shep Rose needs all the help he can get as he bid farewell to his latest slumber party guest. Why can’t girls just leave when he’s still sleeping? Why do some insist on sticking around…even suggesting lunch? The nerve! As he laments his love life, Shep takes a call from his doctor. His liver is inflamed and he may want to seriously think about cutting back on the alcohol–like completely. It’s a wake-up call for the eternal frat boy, for sure! Across town, Whitney Sudler-Smith is plotting with his mother Patricia Altschul to bring together Thomas Ravenel and Landon Clements. T-Rav has been feeling down and out about his player ways and needs a pick-me-up…preferably one with lady bits. Pat recalls a time when Landon approached her for life advice. Perhaps this is her calling? It sure beats internet dating!

Cameran is showing property to a very tardy Craig. He can’t seem to get anywhere on time. Craig finds one thing after another wrong with the potential investment property. Popcorn ceilings? Smaller bedrooms? Cameran tries to remind him that he’s going to be renting out this house, not living in it, but it’s not up to snuff for his portfolio. Um, that portfolio is empty, son! Cameran wonders how Naomie feels about this potential purchase, and Craig skirts the question. Cameran suspects that Craig is just telling Naomie what she wants to hear, but that is no way to build a relationship. Craig isn’t happy to learn that Naomie has spoken about their rifts to Cameran, and he admits that he will begin to resent her if he has to appease her at every turn. Laying the smack down, Cameran raises her voice. Does Craig understand how marriage works?



Kathryn Dennis tries to reconnect with Shep, and she suggests meeting after her yoga class the following day. On his new health kick, Shep decides he’d like to join her. This should be great! While he’s working on his fitness, Austen Kroll takes Chelsea to one of my favorite spots, Holy City Brewing. Chelsea is very flirty as Austen tries to educate her on the subtle notes of Dorchester Lite. He recaps his bro code conversation with Shep on the basketball court. Austen believes all is good in the hood as far as him pursuing Chelsea is concerned. Chelsea teases that the enjoyed having boys fighting over her, but it’s obvious she only has eyes for one Peter Pan.


While their lunch is heating up, Cameran is dining with Shep and her hoo doo doll at Poogan’s Porch, a delicious restaurant steeped in ghost stories galore. As Shep passes on a cocktail, he relays to Cameran the phone call from his doctor. She is happy to hear that he’s making a healthier change, and perhaps now he’s ready for the full package…a wife, two kids, and a house on Sullivan’s Island. While Shep is still wary about the full package, the hoo doo love doll Cameran gifts him is not. She explains to Shep that she was going to put a spell on Shep to fall for Chelsea, but now she’s going to let him use it to pursue his dream girl–when and if he finds her. All he needs to do is leave the doll on her door step, and it will take care of the rest. I can’t think of anything more frightening. Plus, the anatomically correct magic Mike has Shep a tad envious. Doll is hung!

Finally, more scenes with Michael the butler! He’s setting the table for Pat’s casual dinner party, but she’s neglected to bring her bell. She hunts down Mr. Belvedere to make the place cards. Yelling from room to room is so gauche. Whitney turns up his nose at her fold over placards, but she reminds him that its a dinner party for his friends…they don’t notice details like that! In fact, she loves hosting his crowd as she can purchase all the liquor from Costco and they’d never know the difference. I really, really want to run into Patricia at Costco. It would make my year.

Things between Naomie and Craig are still tense, but he’s trying to blow off some steam by embroidering cats on their fancy pillow cases. When she asks about his day, Craig reveals that he’s found the perfect house to begin his portfolio, but he doesn’t want to show it to her and have her rain on his parade. Why can’t she be supportive? Landon calls to ask about their attendance at Jennifer Snowden’s sip-n-see, but she really just wants to rub in her invitation to the exclusive dinner party. Craig pretends not to care while accusing Naomie of being too caught up in socializing. He needs to get it in check.


Cameran is the first to arrive at Patricia’s, and Whitney shares that he and his mom are attempting to be millionaire matchmakers. While she’s not sure this is the best idea (what if Cameran burns down Pat’s manor?), she’s all about stirring the pot. As the potential couple arrives, Thomas is quick to note the small guest list. This is certainly a set-up, and he’s happy to have Pat’s seal of approval. Over dinner, the crew snickers at Craig’s new hobby before turning to Landon’s love life. Whitney bluntly announces that her current boy toy seems really dumb. He’s a total himbo. Landon doesn’t do much to defend her beau, asserting that he’s safe because he doesn’t want anything serious. Cameran jumps in to suggest that T-Rav and Landon give it a go, and Thomas blushes and fumbles over his words in agreement. Whitney asks if T-Rav would make Landon sign a prenup if they make it to the alter, and she claps enthusiastically while bounding in her chair. “I LOVE this game!” Thomas insists he trusts Landon and wouldn’t require a prenup, but Patricia poo poos his stupidity. Someone who makes every decision with his pecker should use protection.


Kathryn cites yoga as a big part of her recovery, claiming it keeps her mindful and present. Shep is a good sport (and not a bad yogi) and certainly doesn’t mind the view of his classmates. After class, Katheryn delves into her progress during rehab, and Shep shares that he too is making better choices. He’s been making smoothies instead of hitting the town. That night, Austen’s parents come into town from Kiawah to take him to dinner. The self-described mama’s boy enjoys this time until his folks start lecturing him on supporting himself. Sure, he’s living paycheck to paycheck, but he’s fine with it. His dad reminds him that if he ever wants to settle down and have family, hand-to-mouth isn’t going to cut it. They recommend he come up with a business plan, but that’s too scary a notion for Austen. He’s not ready to put down permanent roots in Charleston.


The crew convenes on Jennifer’s house for cocktails and baby holding. Shep is bright-eyed and bushy tailed, and he handles an infant with ease. He’s even more adorable with Kensie. Naomie arrives sans Craig. He was running too late for her. When he gets to the party, they avoid each other like the plague. Naomie admits to having her feeling hurt regarding Pat’s party, but Cameran sets her straight on the premise for the evening. Jennifer slips back into her role of town crier and goes to Craig to dish on the fact his girlfriend is complaining about him to Shep and Cameran. Oblivious to the drama, T-Rav fawns over Landon while joking about how a million dollars used to be a lot of money. As the party winds down, Naomie is ready to head home, but Craig digs in his heels, chastising her for leaving him earlier. When she counters, he calls her a child. Oh no you didn’t, Craig! As the couple snipes, the crew eavesdrops until Naomie storms out of the event. Craig is livid.



Photo Credit: Bravo/Southern Charm