Another week, another hook up with the Below Deck Mediterranean crew and this time, the professional lines between crew and charter guests start to blur. But before we get to all that, we rejoin what I thought was an episode of The Bachelorette: Croatian Seas Edition, starring Malia White and her number one suitor, Adam Glick.
Adam sulkily leaves the crew’s night out because he is having a “bad day”, which included refusing to adhere to food preferences in the meals, telling Chief Stew Hannah Ferrier that she had a resting bitch face, lying to Captain Sandy Yawn, and what else? Oh yeah, just being an all-around douche. Sorry, no sympathy here for the guy who thinks a charter guest needs to be punished repeatedly for simply asking him to omit onions from his meals. But all of these bad boy chef antics are like an aphrodisiac to Malia, who chases after him so they can sit next to the hot tub and make out before Adam needs another diaper change or nap or something equally baby-ish. What does Malia still see in him? Is she just in it for the omelets he’s whipping up special for her each morning? All I can assume is that she’s young and stupid because at this point, you would have to be.
Back at the Croatian club, where everyone else has stayed behind, Hannah is just drunk enough to unleash how annoyed she is with Christine “Bugsy” Drake for always stepping on her Chief Stew toes. There to listen is Whiner in Chief, Lauren Cohen, who is so starved for anyone to like her, she agrees with Hannah wholeheartedly by nodding her head and telling her that she hopes that one day, she will be half the Chief Stew Hannah is. Oh lord, does Lauren not know how this all works? By the end of charter season, she will be hawking flat tummy tea on Instagram and desperately trying to get on shows like Famously Single if, I repeat IF she’s lucky. Sigh, but OK, Lauren, reach for the stars, I guess.
The crew arrives back at the boat and our favorite goon, Bobby Giancola decides that he is all riled up about how Malia is playing them all. Not only did she kiss Adam AND Wesley Wiz Walton but she also had the nerve to make Bobby have a crush on her! Isn’t that a stone-able offense in Croatia? Poor Bobby and his little pea brain can’t compute that Malia simply doesn’t like him. I mean, this is not that hard, buddy. Nevertheless, he continues to complain to bunk mate and the one guy on the boat who isn’t after Malia and couldn’t care less, Max Hagley. Poor Max, all he is trying to do is go to bed and he has to hear Bobby yammering on about how he can’t be the third person to make out with Malia.
The next day, reality starts to set in for Adam that he is on Captain Sandy’s sh*t list and he needs to get his act together. He starts by apologizing to Hannah about calling her a name and she makes sure to also let him know her main issue is that he undermined her in front of her staff by saying Bugsy should be chief stew instead. Adam apologizes for that as well and the conversation is done with a terse “okay” from Hannah. She still doesn’t trust him and I don’t blame her – Adam is next level weirdo.
Bugsy also decides she needs to sit down with Hannah and pulls her aside to get to the bottom of why she is being given the cold shoulder. She immediately tells Hannah that she thinks what Adam said was unprofessional and it made her uncomfortable but I guess she just didn’t think it was worthy of speaking up at the time? Regardless of who she is friends with, I think she could have said something, anything in that moment so that Hannah wasn’t just being berated in front of an audience. They leave the conversation with Bugsy rolling her eyes about how insecure Hannah is for letting this stuff bother her. If Hannah is so insecure for being bullied by a crew member, then what does that make Bugsy for being upset that she’s getting the cold shoulder? I’ll wait.
It’s time to meet our new charter guests and woohoo, we finally have a hot guy on board! Did I say hot guy? I meant A GUY who isn’t Bobby, Wiz, or Adam. So I probably have my sea goggles on but right now that’s good enough for me. Just keep this guy away from Malia, OK?
While the girls are busy wagging their tongues at Jason, one of the female guests has her sights set on….wait for it…..ugggggh, Bobby. Yes, Bobby, you read this right. Why she would want to slum it with Bobby the Busted Deckhand is beyond me but maybe she has been out at sea for too long.
The crew decides to tie the Sirocco to some rocks (with much better results than last time) so the guests can enjoy their Cuban theme night on the private beach. To go with the theme, Hannah hires a Cuban bongo player, which is apparently a thing, and the crew dons straw fedoras and passes out cigars for the guests to smoke.
When they all get back to the boat to have their Cuban dinner, one of the female guests has inhaled just enough cigar smoke to go flirt with Bobby, telling him that she would love for him to tie her up since he’s so good at knots. Bobby should be flattered but instead wonders why these women are all over him but Malia won’t give him the time of day. I don’t know, maybe Malia hasn’t had so much Botox that her brain cells are compromised. The ladies won’t give up, and after dinner, they follow Bobby down to the crew’s bunks while he tries to hide.
Above deck, Jason has been flirting with Hannah the whole time, much to Bugsy’s dismay. When Hannah agrees to have a smoke with him, Bugsy’s panties twist so hard that she practically falls over from how unprofessional this all is. OK, fine, Hannah should not really be smoking with the guy and I understand that Hannah is always pushing professionalism between crew and guests but Bugsy’s reaction does seem a little much for me. Everything seems to lead back to what she would do as a Chief Stew.
The next day, Hannah gets the guests off the boat so they can enjoy land and have lunch in town. The whole purpose of this is to let Adam focus on the seven course meal for tonight and he is going to have to really get it together since Captain Sandy is watching. She takes micromanaging to a whole new level as she checks on him about the menu and his planned food substitutions. We can’t really blame her though – Adam needs a babysitter after The Great Onion Debacle of Last Charter.
Lauren is having a hard time (again) because she is getting orders from all angles and by all angles, I mean two people – Hannah and Bugsy. This all proves to be too overwhelming and Lauren complains to Hannah, who has no choice but to try and assert some authority over Bugsy. Hannah sits down with Bugs for a status update on how the dinner party set up is coming along before she goes to take her break and Bugs grumbles behind her back about how when she was a Chief Stew, she set up a much bigger party and would have never left her team to do it alone. Right, right and my grandpa walked to school in the snow with newspapers on his feet. Get over yourself, Bugs!
Onto dinner and it’s a white party! Outside of Bravo TV, raise your hand if you have seen or been to a white party in the last 5 years? I thought those went out of style with Puff Daddy/P Diddy. Dinner is being served and the first few courses come out without issue. They look kind of boring to me (butternut squash and beets on a yacht?) but the guests love it until one of the women decides she doesn’t want pork on her dish. It wasn’t on her preference sheet to stay away from, but she has changed her mind and pouts, asking for a grilled chicken breast, which she then complains is too salty. She is about to ruin Adam’s redemption dinner, even though this one really isn’t his fault (for once).
Dinner is over and it looks like Hannah is about to get a very special goodnight from Jason. I can’t tell how exactly this transpired but one minute, everyone is leaving dinner and the next, Hannah is scampering off to Jason’s room to talk to him and we hear the not-so-subtle sounds of face sucking behind Jason’s closed door. Maybe it’s not the most professional but I think Hannah could use a little love after all she’s put up with this season so I don’t know what you guys think but I’m not mad at her!
TELL US – YOUR THOUGHTS ON HANNAH GOING TO JASON’S ROOM?
Photo Credit: Bravo