WEtv is serving up some serious stank with the season two crew of Love After Lockup, and this Friday night’s show gave us another overflowing-dumptruck-claw of the garbage TV we need in our lives. Mmmm. Smells like
90 day old chicken.
Last week, Lizzie was released from prison, running into the open arms of Scott and knocking one of his 7 teeth to the ground. This week, we pick up with Lizzie’s ride home, which features an all expenses paid shopping spree at the gas station. And we thought fairytales were just for storybooks. Bah!
Scott & Lizzie
Lizzie repeatedly reminds us, Scott, and the random gas station cashier that she’s been promised whatever she wants, so she expects just that. Swedish fish? Sure. A fistful of scratch off tickets? Yup. Heroin supplied by Scott’s 401k while incarcerated? WHY NOT? Scott admits that he’s afraid to tell Lizzie he’s broke now, having spent upwards of $90K on her over the years.
For now, Lizzie seems to think that “being treated like a princess” means spending a cool hundy at the local mini mart. So Scott’s temporarily safe. I guess?
Lizzie’s daughter, Jazmyne, has already picked up some new clothes for her mom, and accompanies her mom, Scott, and his son, Adam, to the hotel they’ll stay at the first night. Lizzie also considers herself a “born again virgin” now that she’s a righteous woman. In fact, she wants Scott to stay in a separate room with his son while she bunks with Jazmyne.
Scott breaks down in tears outside, realizing that paying 90 grand for a prisoner wasn’t perhaps the best decision he’s ever made. But, dude, Scott’s got to realize that Lizzie’s allegiance should be to her daughter first and foremost. His feelings can wait. And so can his tooth.
As Adam, Jazmyne, and Lizzie splash around in the swimming pool, Scott pouts outside about not getting any attention. When Lizzie goes out to bring him in, Scott tells her he’s feeling unsure, then babbles on nonsensically about her acting weird and “looking down.”Okay, it’s official. This guy is spiraling.
“It’s all in your head,” Lizzie sing-songs to him when Scott tries to gaslight her. She obviously didn’t realize how sensitive Scott is, and he apparently didn’t realize that this woman was FOR REAL when she said she wasn’t gonna be giving up the goods. Whelp. These two are doomed. (But please, please, PLEASE, let Jazmyne come out of this unscathed!)
Caitlin’s a nervous wreck as she waits on the side of the road for Matt to get released…via mid-size sedan, apparently. She’s scared that Matt has become too comfortable in prison, and hopes he doesn’t purposefully do something on the outside that will get him locked up again. Despite concerns, Caitlin spazzes out when Matt exits the vehicle (wait – now it’s a truck?), jumping into his arms and squealing like she needs medical attention.
Matt tells us in an interview that his drug of choice was meth, and that he’s glad to be out, thinking he’ll be able to “tow the line a little bit better” this time. Matt wants marriage and kids now, even though he’s not necessarily committed to staying clean. Uh – say WHAH? Caitlin has absolutely zero clue about what awaits her.
She doesn’t care though – she just wants to see that penis! After Matt pulls out his junk in front of God and everyone at this roadside stop, Caitlin is satisfied, exclaiming, “We’re good!”
One hour out of prison, Caitlin and Matt hit the grocery store, where Matt is excited to get a real toothbrush/future shiv. I only have one question about this scene: Why does Caitlin have baby feet tattooed on her back? Girl, who’s baby walked all over you?!?
Since we’ve already established that Clint can’t do life, he has his mom drive him around while he talks on speaker phone with Tracie. She reminds Clint of his orders: Pick her up, get her makeup and a dress, take her to a restaurant, then marry her. Clint grunts, indicating he’ll comply. When Tracie asks him if he’s read the vows she sent him, Clint says something about not wanting to bring about any “bad luck” by looking at them beforehand, indicating Clint can’t read. KIDDING!
It’s the day of Brittany’s release, so Marcelino is driving to the same spot he bizarrely parks in to call her: the prison. Marcelino imagines that he’s Brittany’s savior, even though her long history of drug abuse, crime, and incarceration doesn’t bode well. When Brittany runs into Marcelino’s arms outside the prison gates, they kiss, imagining their perfect future together.
After reviewing Brittany’s parole terms, Marcelino literally carries her to the car, then squeals out of the prison parking lot as they flip the prison off in solidarity. #CoupleGoals
Brittany was in prison for two years on her last stint, and feels elated but anxious to be free. She has a 3-year old son, Giovanni, who is (maybe?) staying with her ex. Taking a walk in the desert to clear her head, Brittany cherishes the temporary feeling of solitude – something hard to come by in prison. She also hopes Marcelino is ready for the reality of the baggage she brings to their relationship.
“I’m happier in my life than I’ve ever been before,” says Marcelino as he sits next to Brittany and holds her.
As Megan packs her brand new fancy thongs for her trip to see Michael, Sarah is also packing to pick up HER HUSBAND. Oh sh*t, you guys! Are these two chicks actually gonna come face to face on release day? Is WEtv actually allowing this hot mess to happen without even the slightest heads up to Megan, the virgin?!?
Megan’s brother, Marcus, is our only hope. He basically tells his sister she’s insane. But she has no idea how insane she’s going to look when she shows up in line behind Michael’s current wife in that roadside pickup line. Yo, this is crazy.
As Sarah drives to pick Michael up in Michigan, she talks to him on the phone and reminds him to focus on their future. Michael seems cool, calm, and collected for a man who HAS ANOTHER FIANCE. What the actual f**k is happening?!? Oh damn, here we go. Finally, Michael makes a call to Megan – minutes before she boards her plane to Michigan – to give her the news.
His big news is: “Don’t come pick me up.” Megan’s like, HUH? Michael, still trying to live the lie, tells Megan that he’s got something special planned, needs to see his parole officer and his daughter first, then they can be together. Michael begs Megan to trust him, the upstanding gent that he is. And he promises when they finally meet, “that sh*t will be special.”
Well, in terms of sh*t, this certainly is the special kind!
Writer’s Note: Check out my podcast Pink Shade With Erin Martin for more Reality TV talk (Housewives, 90 Day Fiance, Exclusive Interviews & more!). Available on Acast, Stitcher, & iTunes! Visit pinkshadewitherinmartin.com for all links.
TELL US: WHAT THE HELL IS MICHAEL DOING?!? IS CAITLIN LIVING IN FANTASY LAND? IS LIZZIE IGNORING SCOTT, OR IS SCOTT TOO NEEDY? ARE YOU ROOTING FOR ANY OF THESE LOVE AFTER LOCKUP COUPLES?
[Photo Credit: WEtv]