Love After Lockup

This  week on Love After Lockup felt like a bridge episode to the final showdown between side pieces and wives, plus a little foreshadowing of breakups to come. Thanks goodness WeTV has added an extra ten episodes after the finale to continue traumatizing their camera crew filming some of these train wrecks – plus, they’re adding a few new couples to the mix later this Spring!  

But for now, we just need to catch up with missing Goddesses and confusing tooth situations. Let’s start with the teeth. Pro: Scott is still wearing his temporary dentures, which GIVES ME LIFE. Con: These new teeth ain’t gonna get him laid.

What can we say about a show that has it all, like Love After Lockup? I mean, we have Dr. Phil wisdom spouting forth from the mouth of Clint. We have video footage of Tracie in prison  shackles, happily showing off her new strain of Hepatitis B prison tattoo. We have Scott spending another $30k on his ex-con, then popping in some Party City vampire teeth to clean up his look. And everyone is suddenly pregnant. Basically, this is trash TV at its absolute finest. And if you aren’t watching this show yet, I have just one question: WHY NOT? Please, I beg you…start living your best life and tune in with us.

There is so much to unpack this week, I almost don’t know where to start. Okay, I do: It’s in Scott’s mouth hole, which I have crawled ALL UP INTO on freeze frame photos on my laptop to dissect exactly WTAF is going on in there. Yes, this is what I’m spending my time on after Friday night’s shocking dentures reveal. We need answers, people. You’re welcome. #Journalism

If we thought Clint was going to come to his senses this week, then we – and the judicial systems of Texas and New Mexico – thought wrong. But, hey, we still have two more weeks of Love After Lockup to find out where Tracie is buying her mothaf*cking crack holing up, and just how much more dignity Clint is willing lose on national TV. So, like the cat posters in our high school guidance counselor’s office suggest: Hang in there!

While Clint is being counseled on the ways of the world by a man who he’s hired to track Tracie down, Caitlin tries to school Matt on how life works. It goes something like this: You grow up, you get a job, you pay for things. Matt has no idea how to accomplish one of these tasks, let alone all three.