Love After Lockup Recap: Felon Fantasy

I didn’t think it was possible, but this season of Love After Lockup might be the best yet. It was hard to top previous seasons, but these people are all sorts of off the rails. If you read my Life After Lockup recaps, you’ll know I LOVE a messy love triangle. Lacey is delivering messy in spades by having TWO prison boyfriends. Set that record!

The Love After Lockup other couples we met last week are just was crazy, but it’s excellent television. The idea that these people exist in real life still baffles me, but I am so here for it. Bring on the drama this season, and let’s see who ACTUALLY ends up married. A lot of the men and women are still in prison so far, so it’s hard to get a full gauge on where it’s all going. Looking forward to this crazy journey though!

Andrea & Lamondre

Love After Lockup Recap: Felon FantasyOnly a week away from Lamondre’s release, Andrea gets a visit from her older sister. Her sister is also her manager, so maybe she can explain why this is bad for her career.

They’re going to a photo shoot and there’s going to be glitter and body paint. Oh, she’s going to be totally nude as well. I don’t think her new felon man will be into this.

Her sister asks if Lamondre is really the man for her, and she says he’s different with her. He’s all about security. Uh yeah. Maximum security. Andrea is honestly trying to make her kingpin fiance sound like Mister Rogers, and nobody is buying it.

Her sister doesn’t think Andrea needs Lamondre, and is worried about his controlling behavior.  He helps support Andrea, so she wants to be with him.

However, she’s been lying to her prison beau. He is under the impression that she’s not doing any photo shoots at all. Lying is the downfall of so many relationships, and Andrea is setting herself up for major drama.

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She says he’s old school and wants his woman covered up. Andrea doesn’t come across as the reserved type at all. I’m not sure this is going to work out.

Andrea is slaying in her nude photo shoot, but Lamondre doesn’t approve. She will tell him the truth when the photo shoot is over. As of now, he has no idea what she’s doing behind his back.

While at the shoot, Lamondre calls her. She tells him the truth, and he totally loses his cool. He calls her disloyal and talks all kinda of crazy to her. She hangs up on him, but he calls over a dozen more times.

Both of them have intense tempers, so someone is going to end up in a world of hurt.

Angela & Tony

Love After Lockup Recap: Felon Fantasy

Tony is being released, and Angela is one step closer to finally having sex with him. She’s waited so long! He’s been in jail for four years, and she is over a decade older than him.

We love a cougar. She might have to wait though because he may not be leaving prison after all. Eight months ago he was supposed to be released, and he never showed. I feel bad for her kind of and hope this isn’t a repeat scenario.

A car shows up, but it turns out to be someone else. Poor Angela is all dressed up walking around the bus station waiting for her man. The longer she waits, the more nervous she gets that he isn’t coming.

She’s afraid that things might be different when he comes home. Don’t even worry about that, Angela. What you need to be more concerned with is if he’s coming home AT ALL.

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What is it about you that he’s avoiding? Why didn’t he show last time? These are the questions you need to ask before you invest anymore time into this relationship.

She’s STILL waiting outside for Tony, and she shares a fun tidbit. When she met Tony, she did some major edits to the photo she sent. It looks NOTHING like her, and she appears twenty years younger. Angela is a cougar catfish right now.

A van pulls up, and she hopes he has finally arrived. It’s HIM! It’s about time! They share a lot of kisses, and she feels like everything is where it’s supposed to be. He feels great to be home with Angela after so much time apart.

Once they’re in the car she feels his body. He has “four years of virginity,” so he’s ready to finally do it. However when she asks if he would rather have steak or oral sex, he says steak. I DIED. Poor Angela!

Cheryl & Josh

Love After Lockup Recap: Felon Fantasy

Josh is being released in one day, so Cheryl is going dress shopping with her mom. Her mom still doesn’t agree with the relationship though and thinks Cheryl making a mistake. SAME.

She’s already spent $30,000 on this man, and he’s not even out of prison yet! The average person finds that insane, Cheryl. Just letting you know.

Her mom asks why she’s in love with him. He gives her the “princess treatment” apparently, so she’s basically Cinderella. I love how much her mom keeps shading the relationship. Her mom is me while I’m watching Love After Lockup.

She tries on her first dress and feels like a princess. She’s really into this magical fairy tale in her mind huh? She tries on another dress which is HIDEOUS, and then a bombshell is dropped.

Cheryl tells the dress shop worker that she and Josh have been engaged for over a year. WOAH. Didn’t you JUST tell your parent’s like a hot minute ago? Her mom’s upset about being kept in the dark, but Cheryl explains herself.

She says that her parents’ reaction is why she keep it a secret. That’s valid I guess since her mom is crying in the dress shop right now. She wants to change Cheryl’s mind, but I don’t foresee that happening.

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Cheryl cannot wait for Josh to come to Texas and move in with her. That’s such a crazy transition right? He’s going from prison and them not really seeing each other to moving in engaged. PUMP THE BRAKES.

Her dad is annoyed he has to babysit right now. He doesn’t support Josh at all, but will be there for his daughter and grandchildren.

Josh has been in prison most of his life and has served six years so far. Cheryl thinks things will go horribly if he does something dumb. Again.

On the drive to get Josh, Cheryl rants about her love of serial killers. She is thrilled to see the prison the Unabomber lives in. She credits the infamous killer for being the reason why she was inspired to date an inmate. There are some serious screws loose when it comes to this woman. Who even says that? Girl that’s not normal.

Lacey, John, & Shane

Love After Lockup Recap: Felon Fantasy

The surprise second boyfriend Shane is about to be released, and Lacey is going to pick him up. Things are about to get complicated though because John is also being released soon. Not only that, but he’s being paroled to HER HOUSE.

How is she going to hide her new boy toy Shane from her fiancé when he moves in? This girl didn’t think any of this through. Wow, Bethenny, wow.

Her family thinks she has a modeling gig, so this is starting off great. She keeps lying to her family which has to hurt for them.

On the way to get Shane, she gets a call from John that she denies. She thinks she fell for Shane out of boredom. The great foundation for a future marriage, of course. Shane calls, ecstatic that he’s getting out the next day.

He wants to marry Lacey, so she might have two engagements soon. Maybe they can all live together harmoniously. I love a good throuple. However, it’ll probably end in a fist fight with both men going back to jail.

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Lacey considers the possibility that Shane isn’t who he says he is, but she still wants to meet him. Another call comes in from an unknown number, and it’s John! She makes up a story to him about sitting her in driveway trying to avoid the rain with groceries.

She keeps digging this hole deeper and deeper. Eventually these men are going to learn about the other and s**t will hit the fan.

Lacey realizes that John is getting suspicious and gives him enough half truths to dupe him. She feels guilt lying to him, and she doesn’t know how much longer she can keep up the lie.

It’s time to meet Shane, and Lacy takes off her engagement ring to go meet him. Lacy you’re being SO shady. What are you doing?


Lizzy & DanielLove After Lockup Recap: Felon Fantasy

Lizzy immediately reveals that she has battled addiction in the past. Solid intro. It’s nice to meet you, and thank you for that quick info bomb. It turns out she had some horrible past boyfriends, but she finally rebuilt her life.

Daniel is the love of her life and was arrested shortly after they met. I don’t know how “rebuilt” your life can be with a prison boyfriend, but I’m listening.

He’s in prison for meth possession and gave a fun tutorial on using a light bulb to smoke it. Well, that was nice of him. The last time they hung out they were raided by the police and he took off on the run.  You cant evade the cops forever!

He says they’ve never slept together, but he’s excited to finally do that. Lizzy has never visited him in prison because she cant take time off school and work.

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She’s not looking forward to riding with his mom to the jail because of differing views. His mom wants to take control of Daniel’s life when he gets out, and Lizzy doesn’t want her in the way. Sounds like an awkward road trip in the making.

Her sister says Lizzy tends to go for the bad guys, and she doesn’t want her going through that again. Daniel calls, and she tells him about Shasta’s concerns.

He hates labels, which I get that. He’s afraid her sister will get in her head, and she admits he could take her down a bad path. She wants them to be a normal couple which they are already far from. He’s in prison, and you’re on a TV show about it. SO NORMAL.

Vincent & Amber

Love After Lockup Recap: Felon Fantasy

This might be the weirdest love match on this season of Love After Lockup. Their car ride is so awkward, but I’m hoping it’ll get better.

She finds it weird that Vincent is much more timid in person. Regardless of all of that, she finds him very attractive. Hey, at least the looks are there!

It could also be that you’ve never met before, and he doesn’t want to screw it up. Amber is kind of jumping to major conclusions here without any proof.

Her prison wife Puppy calls and wishes her well. They’ve never had sex, but they did kiss and lay in bed together. I hope if I ever went to prison, I could have someone like Puppy. Hopefully, someone with a much more intimidating name to scare away that bad guys though.

Vincent doesn’t understand Amber’s relationship with Puppy, but it is what it is. She’s staying at Puppy’s mother’s house which is another layer of bizarre.

They’ve never even met before. Ever. Despite that, she’s giving her a place to stay. That’s actually really sweet. Vincent hopes Amber can move to Vegas soon because right now they’ll be living states away.

Puppy’s mom thinks the bond between Puppy and Amber is stronger than the one between Amber and Vincent. They have plans to celebrate their future, and Puppy’s mom tells him he can’t stay there. So many rules by the prison wife’s mom.

She tells Amber not to do anything she doesn’t want to do. So, sex might not go down. Amber agreed to marry Vincent, but she wants to know more about him before sleeping together.


[Photo Credit: WE tv]