It’s official – Adam Glick is a bad omen. There he was whistling, whistling, whistling…. all throughout the entire episode of Below Deck Sailing Yacht, and everywhere he blew a tune bad luck soon followed.
Georgia Grobler is secretly in love with Paget Berry, one half of an incestuous set of twins, but in order to keep the on-board harmony Georgia is forced to succumb to a date with Chris Miller, a sunny side up egg in a carton of hard boiled.
Jenna MacGillivray just wants Adam to love her, however the more she begs the more he rolls up the windows on his trusty traveling van and puts up a “No Emotional Vacancies” sign. Madison Stalker just wants to be understood, and appreciated, and loved, and accepted and all the things one will not find in the storage hull of a super yacht. Captain Glenn Shephard just wants to have the perfect sail, but in his quest for an uncomplicated voyage he finds himself throttled by the wind.
And Paget… Well, Paget just wants the confidence to live a life of his own choosing. To leave the chubby little boy back in a Bristol Waitrose, mewing for his sister-mommy’s titties when he really wants an espresso martini. He wants to take off his husky trousers and show the world that he’s a man of his own making: sculpted, fit, and beefy. A man who can follow his own heart… if only Georgia can lead him to it.
So yeah, things are falling down like dominoes on Below Deck! And I blame Adam for shattering the glass half full.
Contributing to the string of bad luck was the murder of crows buzzing around the mast just before the guests arrived. Crows are bad omens in the sailing industry. As are bananas and whistling, but no one knows or notices that Adam is whistling constantly, a tuneless eerie whine running like an undercurrent through the minutia of their days, so imperceptible it’s almost invisible. Is it this, or the crows which bring the string of bad luck?
Jenna and Adam are supposed to be having an illicit tryst in the master suite in between charters. Which is a great gig if you can get away with it. Unfortunately Byron Hissey has discovered their little secret and spilled the beans to Madison, so I imagine it’s only a matter of time before Captain Glenn gets a whispering in his ear about impure acts. He’ll assume it was a nightmare because Captain Glenn doesn’t like to deal with entanglements, but alas — truth is often stranger, and more gory, than fiction.
Anyway! Back on track, immediately after sex Jenna starts picking some strange fight with Adam about him being emotionally distant. Why is she doing this? This is a FLING. They are two people, horny on a yacht where they’re stationed for 3 months, and this is not that serious. Also isn’t the appeal of Adam that he’s an emotionally unavailable wildebeest who must be tamed by the purring of a pussy. I mean didn’t Jenna want, on some level, to be mixed up in this mess?
They stay up all night arguing, then Jenna lies to Chris about where they slept when he wonders why Adam never made it to their room. Chris really wasted no time getting up this boat’s business, did he?!
Chris takes Georgia on a date to get the dead skin of their feet eaten off by predatory fish. Cause nothing says romantic like callous removal. Georgia dresses hot, tosses her hair over her shoulder, and imagines Paget nibbling her toe nails instead. And oh he would. Paget practically stands on the mast staring out after them as they depart for the date. He mournfully watches Georgia go off into the brave new world. then he turns around and Ciara Duggan is standing there, hands on hips, the flame of her hair matching the fire in her eyes, and her eyes are burning his sexual impulses alive.
Later Ciara demands Paget tell her why he loves her and at least he doesn’t compare her to his mother this time. Instead he praises her nice personality and her… titties. Which are also … nice. Georgia, who knows just how to get under Ciara’s skin, jokes that their relationship is more like siblings. Ciara looks like someone knocked the wind out of her sails — as if their long-lost secret had been unearthed. Is Georgia a mind-reader? Probably just a person with two eyes, and half a brain who can figure out that Ciara and Paget have less sexual chemistry than Ernie and Bert from Sesame Street.
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Things become more complicated when Georgia returns from her date, and makes a confession to Madison. I was all excited thinking Georgia was gonna reveal that she and Paget had a secret plot to run away together after saving Paget’s testicles from Tupperware Ciara keeps locked in a chasm hidden in her hair. They would shave her head, steal the male minutia, braid the strands into a rope, use them to fasten a sail boat out of a stolen cooler and giant stick of frozen tuna, and set themselves free. Running wildly onto the shores of some lost island where the only sounds would Georgia serenading their own audacity.
What Georgia actually reveals is that she betrayed Madison’s confidences by telling everyone about her sister being murdered as a way to explain Madison’s erratic moods. Instead of handling this in stride, Madison loses her shit and succumbs to one of her erratic fits. She is furious that Georgia made it seem like her crazy-ass mood swings were a result of unresolved trauma instead of … PMS? Immaturity?
Madison starts screaming and crying at Georgia until Jenna intervenes, and I thought actually handled it quite nicely. Jenna calmed Madison down, then got everyone separated. Madison went to her bunk to cool off and then approached Georgia later so they could talk it out. Georgia apologized profusely and honestly, and they made up. It was nice and way too simple for reality TV.
Thankfully we have the ever-festering drama of JennAdam. Which if you say it fast sounds like Jenna-DUMB. Which is just prefect way to describe these two. They’re not speaking. They’re sort of shuffling around each other, ignoring/not ignoring and then Adam goes out on the dock and throws a tantrum over the fishmonger selling him frozen tuna BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS FINE!
The problem is that the fish vender gave Jenna a spear of frozen tuna far bigger than Adam’s, um, spear and he got jealous of her handling it, and realized his sea pearls could never measure up – even though they’re fresh. Jenna, Byron, and Captain Glenn standby, observing this entire incredibly unprofessional display by Adam, but say nothing. Captain Glenn demured that he doesn’t like to confront people when they’re angry and he’s sure at some point Adam will calm down and return to a simmer, so why bother stirring the pot!
Adam blames Jenna for distracting her from his actual true love: shoving dead animal flesh into an open fire. So she spends her break time writing him little love notes that he can open twice a day. She hands Adam a plastic baggy full, and he acts like he’s annoyed she wasted a ziplock baggy. He barely glances at one note before tossing it onto the stove.
The new charter guests are best friends for 27 years Kerry and Dino. The catch is that Kerry has stage 4 cancer and is not in remission. This trip is a last hurrarh of her life. Also it’s Dino’s birthday and he wants a cake delivered by a sexy deckhand. Since there are none available, Jenna dumps the responsibility on Paget who feels honored but incredibly insecure about showing his body.
These charter guests are great. So fun-loving and easy going. They are game for anything – even a treacherous sailing trip that nearly dumps the boat over. Literally. Captain Glenn knew the winds were high but suddenly they were really high – so high the boat lost the Doppler signal – and it was like old school sailing out there on the open water with only your wits. And scurvy.
The boat was literally sideways with the guests clinging on for dear life, but they loved it. I was duly impressed that Madison managed to retain control of a tray of drinks the entire time, even when a rolling dining chair slammed into her, pining her to the bar and Chris.
The only casualty was a leak from one of the sails that doused a portion of the deck with oil and required Byron, a bucket, and plenty of muscle grease to clean up. Captain Glenn obviously felt exhilarated after capturing the spirit of true sailing, out in the open water, with only the elements and intuition to guide you. Everyone else was momentarily startled from their stupor, of puzzling over their own quandaries, then went right back inside their own skulls.
Jenna did manage to bond with Kerry about cancer. Jenna lost her father to cancer and has a sweet conversation with Kerry about how important it is to be positive in confronting the legacy one leaves. Kerry is amazing. She is so upbeat and fun-loving, ready to take advantage of every moment. She snorkels, laughs, experiences to the fullest.
That night Dino is celebrating his birthday and would love to have his cake delivered by a sexy deckhand. He’ll have to settle for a sexy bosun! Paget is anxious. Lingering insecurities from his chubby childhood ripple his muscles. He spends the hour before the shirtless sojourn furiously doing push ups and chin-ups; grunting as Georgia peeks on from the laundry room.
Finally, after the guests have consumed a million little bites of Adam’s ego and Ciara has smeared Paget with body glitter, he girds his loins and harnesses his confidences. He turns the color of beets, bobbing in underrated glory, as he prepares to step out in front of
Georgia the guests. It is a success! Everyone is awed by Paget’s bloated muscles and the swollen package he presents in tight black boxer briefs. Georgia is suddenly very aware of how wasted Paget is on Ciara’s smothering nagging. The cake was very much second fiddle here.
As Adam dumped it on plates for the guests, his glowering resentment for Jenna grew with each stab of the knife. The tension between them so thick it could accidentally be sliced and plated; tasting of bitterness and scorn. A direct contrast between the sweetness and freshness of the cake.
Afterwards Jenna officially dumps her serving duties onto Georgia (who is also required to serenade the guests) so she can have another ‘talk’ with Adam. Exactly how many serious talks do these two need approximately 2 weeks into a fling? It’s ridiculous! Adam, for all his faults, is right to pump the breaks on her constant emotional neediness. She literally handed the dude a ziplock baggie full of love notes. Probably scrawled in pink and purple bubble letters written by a glitter pen and spritzed with Bath & Body Works body spray. Jenna probably kissed each one with Bonne Belle Lip Smackers Bubble Gum, leaving the slightest hint of pink. She probably also laced them with poison so with each note Adam touched, his strength and resolve would fade. Slowly he’d grow woozy, and worn down. Maybe it was an allergy to synthetic fragrance, or maybe it was a more sinister plan for his soul…
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Anyway, Adam tells Jenna that she’s distracting him from cooking and he really doesn’t have the energy to handle all the feeling analysis. So it looks like despite Jenna pleading with him to be more open, they break up.
Let’s hope. Cause I’m more interested in Georgia and Paget’s pining for each other!
TELL US – IS GEORGIA USING CHRIS TO MAKE PAGET JEALOUS? DID MADISON OVER-REACT? SHOULD JENNA AND ADAM BREAK-UP?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]