Paget Berry

Last night’s Below Deck Sailing Yacht was all about coming for the weakest links. Poor little Parker McCown is just trying to be his bubbly self, but he really needs his mommy to hold his hand and tell him he’s OK. Since Mommy McCown’s not available Madison Stalker is filling in to hold Parker’s ego in a gentle embrace.

Yes, we’ve got another one of these Tanner Sterback-type baby boys this season, minus the lechery luckily. Also, instead of getting blackout wasted, Parker just sits in the corner and sulks.

Toga parties are supposed to turn any event into Animal House, but the most exciting thing that happens at this one is that Paget Berry, the first escapee of the Plath Family Cult, argues with Ciara Duggan about cleaning deck furniture. Wooooooow. Riveting. These two are so dull even their arguing isn’t exciting. 

I must say I am loving Below Deck Sailing Yacht, especially in contrast to the toxic cesspool of poop-smelling goo that was this season’s Below Deck. Sure, Adam Glick may have the flirting game of the SNL skit The Ladies Man, but at least he’s not sexually assaulting people, then blaming sand for existing at the same time he was suffering from drunken hurt feelings.

Also, I adore Captain Glenn Shephard. Only a man living on a 4-foot sailing yacht for the last decade, in a room the size of a can of beans would mispronounce vegan as “vaygan”. I just find him so charming and calm, and without ego. Yay Captain Glenn!

But now we must dive into Jenna MacGillivray‘s failed seduction of Adam. Which culminated in her passing out in a wet bathing suit after a hot tub make-out.

After reserving judgment last week, I’ve decided that I think I like Below Deck Sailing Yacht. It has all the elements of a disaster but set against beautiful scenery and a competent crew.

Take Paget Berry and Ciara Duggan for instance. Together since practically infancy, isolating themselves away on a sailing yacht in a wonky tripod of living with a parental figure who is also a friend and their boss, and cut off from people their age. And in comes the new crew and suddenly Paget overhears Georgia Grobler singing in the laundry (It’s like the Little Mermaid!) and remembers that other women exist. This might come as news to Ciara as well.

Now, Paget has the sex appeal of a boiled potato, and I think it’s mainly his hair which is flaxen-colored flaccidness that belongs on an 8-year-old Norwegian in 1987. Ciara also does flattening things with her hair, and it’s odd to see something so bushy also look so… flat. But we are not here to dismember the intricacies of Pagara’s hair (or are we?) – we are here to pick apart every other thing about their relationship!