Summer is officially over, Good Vibe Tribe. That’s right, we’ve reached the end of the road for Season 5 of Summer House. And frankly, I can’t believe it’s time for this chapter to close. The season truly flew by and I want more! Good thing we have Winter House, or whatever Bravo plans on calling it, to look forward to sooner rather than later. And also one last reunion episode to dissect and dig into. Because summer should be fun, and there’s nothing more fun than a reunion. Let’s do it!
Of course, Part 2 kicks off in the wake of Kyle Cooke storming off the reunion set. But really, do you blame him? Imagine if someone you considered a friend said the only reason she delivered such an overblown, ridiculous apology to you was because she knew all you cared about was feeling good about yourself. (That’s called Projecting 101 for all of you at home.) It takes a pep talk from Lindsay Hubbard to get him calmed down and back in his seat. Meanwhile, Paige DeSorbo is doling out some tough love to a crying Hannah Berner on the opposite couch. Get. It. Together. Girl.
The Evolution of Carl 5.0
Let’s move on to a different subject, shall we? Like how great Carl Radke is. The next package is all about Carlito’s glow-up from certified Hamptons f–kboy to the most-loved roommate in the house. I think Hannah laying it on so thick to Kyle was misdirected because let’s be clear. Carl 5.0 is the man, man. No shade, I love Kyle and his perfect facial hair too. All my Summer House boys, really. But as someone who’s watched this show from the very beginning, I have no reservations in saying I’m so proud to see Carl becoming the best version of himself. Ninety-two days sober and counting. And Lindsay, Paige and Danielle Olivera all agree. If any of them had dated this version of Carl, things might have ended up differently. (I never say never to Carl and Paige being endgame for each other.)
Andy Cohen also touches on the tragic death of Carl‘s older brother from an accidental overdose during the season. Through tears, Carl opens up about how the tragedy was a wake-up call for him. Both regarding his self-sabotaging behavior and his relationship with alcohol. Thankfully he’d already spent the time working on himself, because his brother’s passing could’ve easily sent an earlier version of him over the edge. However, Carl also admits his life took another downward spiral this winter. He was in a dark, destructive place, and Kyle showing up on a whim to intervene possibly saved his life. Watching Carl and Kyle openly cry about just how much they love each other was so tender. That’s true friendship right there.
Poster Boys in Crossing Boundaries
Next, Andy revisits the epic pub crawl brawl between Kyle, Luke Gulbranson and Amish Carl, who was apparently on his rumspringa during the fight. Ciara Miller stands by the 9 p.m. no-texting boundary she tried to set with Luke. (Though her cast mates laughingly agree that the rules of Atlanta time are apparently a little different than in NYC.) But either way, as Amanda Batula so succinctly points out, the specific time cutoff didn’t really matter. Is was about Ciara trying to establish and communicate boundaries and Luke refusing to listen.
And really, that’s all Carl and Kyle were trying to do: get Luke to listen and take accountability for the way he treats women. They’re the first to admit they haven’t been Boy Scouts in their five years on the show. We’ve seen both mess up relationships with women plenty of times. But they’ve both learned and grown and are committed to doing better. But trying to impart that hard-earned wisdom fell on Luke’s deaf ears. However, all three guys have long moved past the blow-up and are all good with each other now. So even discussing it at the reunion feels like a bit of a moot point since they’ve already reached total resolution. But real talk for a second. Who would win in a physical fight: Carl, Luke or Kyle? Probably Lindsay to be honest.
Psychic Powers…on Instagram
After a quick relationship roundup — Danielle and Robert Sieber have been living together for five months, Paige and Lindsay broke up with Perry Rahbar and Stephen Traversie, respectively, after filming wrapped — it’s time to get into the rumor Hannah started that Luke and Lindsay hooked up. Well, more like perpetuated, since her Instagram psychic came up with the gossip off camera. Both Luke and Lindsay still maintain nothing ever happened between them. Other than Hubb House occasionally undressing Lumberjack Luke with her eyes, that is. And Hannah tries to maintain that it was all supposed to just be a super hilarious joke she wanted to share with her best friend. Newsflash from Hurricane Hubbard: not everything is a joke, Hannah!
For her part, Paige insists she wasn’t trying to be malicious when she asked Luke point blank if the rumor was true. Somehow this devolves into a screaming match between Paige and Danielle, complete with lots of finger waving and one well-placed “F–k you, Danielle” from the fashionista. (People in the house seem to forget Paige has quite the fiery side. Remember how effortlessly she read Lindsay for utter filth last season over the clique drama? Don’t come for her unless you want the Italian to come out.) And on a side note, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at Paige’s insistence that she will “talk shit all day long if she wants to” thank you very much. Turns out Paige vs. Danielle was the feud I didn’t know I needed in my life.
A Minnesota Bombshell
Ok, readers. It’s time to talk about Hannah and Des Bishop. I don’t want to. You don’t want to. But we kind of have to. Hannah’s now happily engaged to the comedian of her dreams. Who happens to be 15 years her senior. (Not at all a bad thing, mind you, just for reference.) And surprisingly, mostly everyone claims to have liked Des upon meeting him. Even Luke, who thought he came off a tad bit arrogant, was just happy Hannah was happy. But no one understands the timeline of their whirlwind relationship. Hannah finally admits they met July 11, and went on three or four dates before she went to the Hamptons. That’s…definitely more than nothing. And certainly doesn’t match up with the storyline she was pushing about being in love with Luke.
Lindsay tries to get Hannah to acknowledge that she made Luke look bad. But then, out of nowhere, Luke makes himself look even worse all on his own. When Hannah brings up the fact that he invited her to come to Minnesota to meet his family after Season 4, he suddenly throws out the bombshell claim that production made him offer up the invitation. And says he never should’ve asked Hannah to come home with him to begin with, even if the trip never happened. Hannah walks off the set in tears, but not even Andy believes what Luke is saying.
Just as quickly, Luke backtracks on his statement. Andy reminds him he was trying to find dates to go with Hannah after filming wrapped on Season 4. When he follows Hannah off-stage, producers try to clarify that he would’ve invited her eventually, it just wasn’t the right time. That’s what you’re trying to say, right Lucas? Eventually, he apologizes to Hannah in private, admitting he only said what he did to hurt her. The two awkwardly hug it out, but is there any hope for getting their friendship back on track. Doubtful.
Bathroom Sex Breaks Friendships
Ok, back to the Des of it all. Andy digs deeper by bringing up Des and Hannah having sex in Kyle and Amanda‘s bathroom. Immediately, you know this is going to be a sore subject. While Hannah tries to minimize and laugh it off, Amanda contends she violated their private space to be intentionally hurtful. Which, she absolutely did, even if she swears she didn’t touch any toothbrushes. I mean, just look at Des asking if he should jerk off on Kyle and Amanda’s bed for all the proof you need. It was vindictive. It was gross. And it’s frankly idiotic of Hannah to claim she thought the couple would never find out. Again, you remember you’re on a TV show right? With, like, cameras literally all over the house recording your every move?
Somehow, efforts to get Hannah to once again take accountability lead to all the drama surrounding her engagement. Though not before she finally admits the bathroom sex was “one of the worst things [she’d] ever done.” Another thing to add to that list? Not telling Amanda when she got engaged. The poor girl had to find out from Hannah’s exclusive announcement in People just like the rest of the world. (Well, minus Paige and Ciara, both of whom Hannah told directly.) Amanda even called to talk to Hannah four days after the engagement. And Hannah didn’t even bother to bring it up. Then, apparently had the audacity to blame Kyle being mad for the reason she never called Amanda back after the news broke. Utterly disgusting. That’s just such an awful way to treat one of your best friends, I can’t even deal with it.
Even Paige agrees that Hannah was wrong not to tell Amanda. While, mind you, also maintaining that it wasn’t her place to share Hannah’s engagement news, either. But like she’s talking to a 6-year-old, Paige has to instruct Hannah point blank to apologize. Because she’s just not getting it. If she’s really sorry, it’s coming across as awfully disingenuous. Hannah admits she’s still holding a grudge against Kyle, but claims she wanted to fix everything at the reunion. However, at this point, even Amanda is just done. When Hannah offers up one final attempt at an apology, she replies with a blank-faced “K.” And that’s essentially the note on which the reunion ends. Yes, there are toasts and sandwiches all around, but this group of friends may be fractured beyond repair. See you next summer for Season 6!
TELL US – WHICH ROOMMATES DO YOU WANT TO SEE RETURN NEXT SEASON? DO YOU BELIEVE LUKE WAS INFLUENCED BY PRODUCTION TO INVITE HANNAH TO MINNESOTA? IS THERE ANY SALVAGING HANNAH’S FRIENDSHIPS WITH AMANDA AND KYLE?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]