Once upon a time, a group of friends shared a house for the summer in the Hamptons. That’s how the fairy tale that is Summer House started back in 201 . In the chapters since, we’ve seen seen heroes and (mostly) villains come and go. And we’ve even reached the point where the universe of the fairytale has earned a spinoff and collided with other, previously independent fairytale worlds in the Bravoverse.
Once again, we begin this week of the Summer House story back in New York City. That’s two weeks in a row! It’s safe to say that Kyle Cooke public shaming of his friends clearly didn’t go over well. In fact, it fell about as flat as a one-season roommate’s impact on the show. All Kyle’s (admittedly very calm and considered) lashing out did was upset Amanda Batula and make the vibe of his 39th birthday awkward for everyone. Even Everett Weston can feel the tension, and he just popped in for the first time in years.
Mya Allen attempts to calm Kyle down, pulling him aside to promise no one was trying to convince Amanda to call off the wedding. That wasn’t the girls’ intentions at all. Everyone’s rooting for Kymanda to make it down the aisle. They just want the couple to be happy and excited when they do so. Not fighting, bickering and constantly in tears every weekend leading up to the big day. Mya’s words manage to placate Kyle and he even ends up apologizing to the rest of the girls for assuming the worst. Look! A little bit of growth, even if it’s happening at almost 40.
The next day, the scene opens on Paige DeSorbo at home in her cozy, chic New York apartment. With Craig Conover coming out the shower! He wasn’t at the birthday party the night before, but it would appear that a make-or-break text from Paige summoned the Charmer to the big city for a couple days. Paige dances around defining the totally not exclusive couple’s non-relationship, and Craig says he just wants to take things a step at a time. Eventually, they’ll be spending so much time together that they’ll just naturally become exclusive. Though Paige fails to tell him that just the night before she turned down Andrea Denver‘s offer of a date. So even though she claims to be fine with the arrangement, in her head she’s essentially already chosen Craig.
Friday finally arrives and the gang caravans back to the Hamptons, where the attention is all expected to be lavished on Lindsay Hubbard since it’s her 35th birthday. And listen, I’m all for celebrating your birthday, but it brings out the most obnoxious side of Hurricane Hubbard that just grates on my nerves for some reason. For Lindsay’s big day, Austen Kroll is finally making his first appearance of the season at the house. Which is sure to bring out a competitive dynamic between the birthday princess and Ciara Miller. So that’ll definitely be fun to watch. At least for everyone else.
True to form, the tension starts almost immediately once Lindsay makes her grand entrance into the backyard. She’s taking pleasure in rubbing it in everyone’s faces that Austen will be here for her birthday. But when the question comes up of where the Charmer is supposed to sleep, Ciara shoots down the idea that he’ll be sharing a bed with Lindsay. Moments later, the man in question arrives himself, and it’s eventually worked out that he’ll be sleeping in Andrea‘s room since he and Alex Wach will both be absent — though the model will be showing up in time for Lindsay’s party. So who knows where Austen’s supposed to sleep on Saturday night…
Carl Radke‘s also giddy with anticipation, because he has a guest staying for the weekend as well. Yes, it’s the girl he met in California who he went on a mid-week date with last weekend. And as happy as it makes me to see Carl happy, it’s honestly hard to get invested in any of this when we already know he and Lindsay will end up together. Because at least as of this writing, they’re in a relationship. So don’t get too attached to California girl. Or Lindsay’s obsession with Austen for that matter. (For those interested in the timeline, this episode — and the entire season, in fact — took place before Austen and Lindsay’s friendship-breaking Watch What Happens Live drama.)
Determined to have Austen all to herself (and possibly keep him away from Ciara), Lindsay steals her bestie away for drinks at North Sea Tavern in Southampton. Leaving the rest of the roommates with the perfect opportunity to gossip and speculate at home while they gather for family dinner. Ciara’s visibly annoyed at Lindsay, but Luke Gulbranson finally pipes and contributes to this season when he calls out what he sees as a glaring double standard between the girls’ behavior and things he’s been crucified for in the past. Does Ciara not think it made him uncomfortable to see her canoodling in Vermont with Austen during Winter House? But Paige is quick to clap back that men get away with all kinds of double standards. Which, true. So Luke would be wise to sit this one out.
The party moves to Southampton Social Club, where Lindsay and Austen finally meet up with the rest of the group. And as quick as you can say “f–kboy,” Austen turns all of his attention to Ciara. We’re talking whispering sweet nothings into here involving the words “minx” and “jezebel.” Ladies, does this kind of flirting work for straight men? Apparently it does on Ciara, because next thing we know she and Austen are locking lips and Lindsay is shooting daggers out of her eyes from across the table.
Once they all return home, Austen does, indeed, end up in Andrea‘s room. But Ciara‘s also in there with him until almost four a.m. And that cringe-y “I’ll eat you from front to back” line from the supertease? Yeah, Austen uses that on her, not Lindsay. Though to her credit, Ciara is visibly taken aback by such a crude offer. And even breaks the fourth wall to remind the Charmer that there are cameras watching their every move. Because they’re being filmed for a reality show. Alas, Austen ends up in bed alone for the night, and we’re all better off for it.
The next morning, it’s officially Lindsay‘s birthday. Which means Hurricane Hubbard is on a drill sergeant rampage demanding everyone get up early to help set up for her party. The theme of which is “Twisted Fairytale.” Because Lindsay’s life has turned out be exactly that. It’s honestly a great theme that allows the housemates to get creative and cute with their costumes. I mean, nobody’s mad to see Andrea turn up as Aladdin or Carl as Prince Charming, yes? The party also has all of Lindsay’s favorite things, from a make-your-own sandwich bar to a one night stand dance floor.
As guests arrive, the party quickly turns to fairytale-themed debauchery. Kyle‘s in an inflatable unicorn costume. Carl‘s charming his crush, who’s dressed as Cinderella. And Danielle Olivera takes the opportunity to subtly introduce Mya to one of her tall, dark and handsome friends. But Mya’s also engaged in the brewing drama, pulling Ciara aside to remind her that she doesn’t actually know what Lindsay‘s thinking when it comes to Austen. Because no one’s actually asked HubbHouse what her intentions are.
Over in another corner of the chaos, things have understandably cooled between Andrea and Paige. She says he’s not acting like himself, but if she’s emotionally unavailable for a relationship, he’s not going to flirt. (And side note: Alex and Jason Cameron were also both in attendance at this party, but for some reason the editors cut them out of all the footage.) As the episode ends, though, Lindsay gets her birthday wish by straddling Austen for a kiss. Or two. Or three. OK, it’s kind of almost on the verge of a public make out, complete with Austen telling the birthday girl that he loves her. This is…not going to be great for the house dynamics.
TELL US – DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE APPEAL OF AUSTEN? WHO’S BEING MORE TERRITORIAL OF HIM: LINDSAY OR CIARA? IS LUKE RIGHT ABOUT CIARA’S DOUBLE STANDARD? DO YOU THINK AUSTEN AND LINDSAY’S KISS MEANS ANYTHING?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]