So, last week we met the new cast of the Real Housewives of New York. What will they be up to next? This week the lovely ladies of New York City were traveling to Erin Lichy’s home in the Hamptons. Nice.
Ubah Hassan and Sai De Silva were sharing a car for the drive. Sai doesn’t travel light. She packed eight pieces of luggage for a three-day stay, explaining that she packs for her “moods.”
“Sai packed for every single Instagram post that she’s going to post for the next six months,” Ubah commented. “The girl is all about content. Mama needs to make money. Good for her.”
Just as the driver finished cramming all of Sai’s luggage into the back of the SUV, Jessel Taank arrived. She’s also sharing the ride. Hope she packed light! They might have to attach one of those little U-Haul trailers to the back of the car.
Unfortunately, Jessel also packed “a lot of stuff.” When they walked to the back of the vehicle to see how much space was left for Jessel, Sai blamed it on Ubah.
“This is all of Ubah’s stuff,” Sai said. “I can’t believe she would bring this much stuff!”
Finally, all the bags were loaded, and they were off to the Hamptons. As they pulled away, Jessel suddenly remembered Brynn Whitfield was supposed to be riding with them. Sadly, Brynn wasn’t feeling well and was hoping to join them later in the weekend. It’s a good thing she canceled, because there wasn’t any room in the car for her bags.
Erin prepares for her guests
Meanwhile, in Sag Harbor, Erin was going from room to room, leaving personalized PJs on each bed, signifying room assignments. Both Erin and her husband Abraham grew up going “Out East,” so when they got married, they decided they needed a Hamptons house of their own. They bought a “depressed property that looked like sh*t” and renovated it to be the five-bedroom/seven-bath showplace it is today. It’s gorgeous.
And how would one even “Hampton” without a caviar caterer? Erin greeted Cynthia and Feliks at the door, bringing the yummy little fish eggs for the ladies to nosh. What? No cheese plate?
“I’m not prepared for Cheesegate 2.0,” Erin explained, “so I picked caviar because that’s a nice bougie snack for these bougie bitches.” She joked with the caterer that Jenna Lyons will “dry heave” if she eats dill, so “give her all the dill.” Mean. I don’t care for dill either. It’s right up there with cilantro. Both are disgusting.
But when the girls called Erin from the car to ask about lunch, they found out she was preparing caviar and it didn’t go over so well. Neither Sai nor Ubah was enthusiastic about eating fish eggs (more for me!) and asked if there was a place nearby they could pick up a sandwich. Erin wasn’t pleased.
Jenna arrives in style
While Sai, Ubah and Jessel were all packed into an SUV with Sai’s luggage, Jenna drove to the Hamptons in style. She pulled into Erin’s driveway in a vintage baby blue Mercedes Benz sedan.
Jenna had never been on a girls’ trip and didn’t remember the last time she’d had a sleepover. Well, you’re a Bravo Housewife now, honey. You’re gonna be doing a lot of traveling with the other ladies. It’s part of the job.
When Jenna joined Erin in the kitchen, Erin offered her an hors d’oeuvre that apparently contained dill. Fortunately, Jenna noticed the garnish before she put it in her mouth, calling Erin a “f*cking ho bitch!” Even with her glasses off, she recognized the demon herb.
“Dill does not deserve to be on the f*cking planet,” Jenna proclaimed, even though Erin insisted it’s delicious. I’m Team Jenna 100%.
OMG, they’re eating caviar with crème fraiche on a Pringle! All this time I’ve been eating my Pringles plain. They’re killing me!
Jessel drops a bombshell
Back in the car, the ladies were wondering what activities they’d be doing over the weekend since none of them had been to the Hamptons in the winter before. When Ubah suggested that they might go horseback riding, Jessel innocently said, “I haven’t ridden anything in a really long time.”
Sai joked, “When’s the last time you had sex?”
Jaws dropped and all the air left the vehicle when Jessel responded, “Since I’ve had the kids.”
“I haven’t really gotten, like, down and dirty,” Jessel admitted.
Both Sai and Ubah were stunned. “Your children are one!” Sai said.
“Yeah,” Jessel confessed. “It’s been a while.” I’m sure her husband is so pleased that his wife just spilled their personal tea on national television.
“Who doesn’t get their pipes cleaned in over a year by their husband?” Sai asked. “Poor girl.”
Jessel explained that they’re “both exhausted” with two babies, and she’s still self-conscious about the scar from her C-section. Sai basically advised her to “use it or lose it.”
Jenna gets personal
Jenna has a home in the Hamptons also, though it’s only 1500 square feet, compared to Erin’s 6500. Sai asked Jenna if she kept clothes at her Hamptons home.
“It’s a little complicated,” Jenna answered. “I rented my house out and then my mom got sick. So I never … moved back in. I moved out to rent it, and then things happened and I left town.”
“I’m so sorry, by the way, about your mom,” Erin interjected.
Apparently, Jenna’s mom was sick for eight months and only passed away about six weeks ago. Even though she said she wasn’t close to her mom, she still seemed affected by the loss.
Jenna revealed that her mom had Asperger’s (a form of Autism), “So she didn’t have the ability to make connections.”
“While she knew she was always called out for saying weird things,” Jenna interviewed, “or for [seeming] cold, or for not having any kind of emotion, my mom had no idea that she had Asperger’s. She got diagnosed much later in life.” I don’t think anybody knew about Asperger’s 50 years ago, and it’s technically no longer used as a medical diagnosis. It’s been replaced by “Autism Spectrum Disorder” or ASD.
“Growing up, I knew something was missing,” Jenna added, “but I had no idea why. I just thought our family was different.”
“Which is why when I met Jessel’s mom,” Jenna told the ladies, “I completely fell apart ’cause her mom was, like, literally the mom I wanted.” This explains a lot about the way Jenna interacts with other people. She never had the attention and affection she craved as a child because her mother wasn’t capable of giving it to her. I want to hug Jenna now.
Jenna reveals why she stays “covered up” all the time
Erin’s mom taught her to never arrive at someone else’s house empty-handed. Sai brought her own toilet paper to Erin’s, just in case one-ply was the only choice available (as if Erin would buy one-ply! Please!). Jenna brought sexy lingerie for everyone.
Sai and Erin told Jenna that Jessel hasn’t had sex since “before the babies,” so they hoped Jenna brought something sexy for her to wear. Everyone got beautiful undergarments and nighties. Erin said they should have a fashion show tonight after dinner.
But Jenna insisted no one would ever see her in lingerie. “You will see, behind closed doors, why I would not,” she told Erin. “I have a pretty rare genetic disorder. That’s why I never show any skin.”
“The scars are just hyperpigmentation,” she said, pulling up her sleeves. “The one place I do not have any scars or any mottle is right here [on her chest] in this landing strip, so that’s why it’s often on display.”
Ubah has some quirks, but she’s adorable
The ladies finally went to dinner at Erin’s favorite Hamptons restaurant, the Topping Rose. Before Ubah could sit at the table, she pulled out her phone and used the compass app to determine which direction was north.
“Ubah is the only person who could bring a compass to dinner,” Jenna said, “and I would not be surprised. Like, of course. There’s her compass.”
Ubah explained, “I like to face north because it reminds me to be my true self.”
The Somalian model also doesn’t drink. “I drank when I was younger,” Ubah said. “Not good news. Also, I smoked weed once,” and she had to go straight to the hospital.
“My life is so beautiful,” she continued. “Any time I try to escape the beautiful life I have, God is like [slapping motion], ‘Get back there!'”
“I don’t drink,” Jenna also confessed in a production interview. “I don’t like being hungover. Not fun. I feel healthier, I feel more present, I’m just happier not drinking.”
The conversation turns to (what else?) sex
After grilling poor Jessel a little bit more about her (lack of a) sex life, all eyes turned to Jenna when Jessel asked about her sex life.
“It’s so different with – women is a different conversation,” Jenna hedged, obviously uncomfortable. But the ladies weren’t having that and insisted that Jenna spill the details of lesbian love.
“How did you know,” Jessel wanted to know, “it wasn’t guys that do it for you any longer?”
“I was in a very tricky situation,” Jenna responded. “My very close friend was gay, and we [had] a conversation. My [marriage] was falling apart … And I asked her, like, ‘What happens with women?’ I just was curious.”
“I had no idea, honestly,” she added. “And by the end of the conversation, after a lot of detail, I realized that, like, I felt sort of hot. I had never had that feeling before. Like, I just wanted to kiss her.”
Outed by the New York Post
“Something happened when I turned 40,” Jenna continued in an interview. “I had this beautiful little boy, I had this great job and I had this feeling inside that I wasn’t happy. I remember thinking to myself, I don’t want to feel like this for another 40 years.”
Jenna then admitted that when she was growing up, she didn’t even know women could be gay. Same here. Nobody talked about it when I was in high school. We whispered about things, but nobody was really “out” in those days.
“The only person that was even remotely gay, who was not admitted, was Billie Jean King.” Right?! I think Jenna must be close to my age and probably went to my high school.
And all the other ladies went, “Who?” Seriously? The Battle of the Sexes? 39 Grand Slam titles? There was a movie!
When Erin commented, “It’s just so crazy that people couldn’t be themselves for so long,” Jenna admitted that she didn’t even know she wasn’t herself.
Sai asked when Jenna had come out, but the sad reality is that Jenna was outed by the New York Post before she’d had the chance to tell anyone. She’d been at a restaurant with her friend, only three weeks into their relationship, when they were spotted. A reporter from the Post called her office to confirm or deny that she was dating a woman, and she was so shocked, all she could say was, “Confirm.”
“While it was devastating and probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced,” Jenna said, “I am so grateful for how incredibly gracious everyone at the office was … not my mom, but everybody else.”
Jessel has a breakthrough
When Jenna asked Jessel how she met her husband, the fashion publicist said they were introduced by a mutual friend and were best friends for two years. They actually shared an apartment as roommates, until Jessel’s mom visited one day and recognized that Pavit was “completely in love” with her.
Jessel and Parvit were married seven years before they had their twin boys. It was very stressful because, in the Indian culture, family is everything. They were trying to conceive, but nothing was happening. They went through five cycles of IVF before finally getting pregnant.
“In Indian culture,” Jessel shared, “if you can’t have children, it’s such a taboo … It becomes, like, gossip, and I didn’t want to be the subject of any negativity.” She was hesitant to even speak to her mother about it because she didn’t want her to worry.
Suddenly, Jessel had an epiphany. “Do you know what? Now that I think about it … I was probably so scarred by the fact that [getting pregnant] was ‘work.’ It was like, ‘I’m ovulating. Go, go, go, go, go! I was putting him on a schedule, and so maybe now when I think about it…”
“Omg,” Sai said, “you’ve discarded him. Maybe he feels like that, too!”
When Jessel agreed with her, Sai announced, “Guys, we’ve had a breakthrough.”
“Thank you, therapists!” Jessel said.
“I look like a f*cking Christmas tree!”
Back at Erin’s house, the ladies all tried on the lingerie Jenna brought them. Most of them liked their presents, but Jessel was very vocal about hating her green satin and black lace nightgown. To make matters worse, it was a size large, which she found offensive.
“Anyone that thinks that this is sexy is, like, crazy,” Jessel announced. “I feel like a f*cking Christmas tree.” Even though everyone assured her she looked gorgeous, Jessel told Jenna, “I absolutely hate it … This is not my vibe at all.”
Meanwhile, Jenna’s feelings were a little hurt. “It doesn’t seem to me that she has any connection that what she’s saying might really be kind of rude and offensive,” Jenna interviewed.
“She’s going on and on about how ugly the garment is,” Erin noticed. “It’s not that bad. She’s being a huge bitch, and she has no f*cking clue.”
Even Sai realized how offensive Jessel was being. “I can see on Jenna’s face she is horrified,” she said. “But at the same time, Jenna doesn’t have enough balls to say, ‘Hey, can you guys stop?’ If I was in Jenna’s shoes, I’d say, ‘Bitches, give back my sh*t.'”
I’m surprised the words “To Be Continued” didn’t come up on the screen because I’m sure we’ll hear more about Jessel’s “hideous” nightgown next week. Stay tuned…
Real Housewives of New York continues Sundays at 9/8c on Bravo.
TELL US – COULD YOU BELIEVE HOW MUCH LUGGAGE SAI BROUGHT FOR A THREE-DAY TRIP? HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT JESSEL REVEALING THAT SHE HASN’T HAD SEX IN WELL OVER A YEAR? DID YOU THINK JESSEL WAS RUDE ABOUT THE JENNA’S GIFT?
