Vanderpump Rules Season 11 has finally premiered, and the first episode was…eh, mixed. Though there was a lot of anticipation for the new season, Episode 1 was primarily set up. Most of the focus was on Scandoval fallout and catching viewers up on where the cast was once cameras picked back up. However, though the Vanderpump Rules Season 11 premiere didn’t feature a ton of major moments, there was still great comedy to be found.
These were the moments that made me choke on my rosé and remember why I watch this show in the first place.
Sandoval’s Free Speech
In the wake of Tom Sandoval’s affair with Rachel Leviss, Ariana Madix wanted nothing to do with either of them. However, the matter was complicated by the fact that Ariana and Tom were (and still are!) living together. As was seen in the premiere, things are…a little tense in the Madix/Sandoval household.
Ariana revealed that she and her ex were getting along by communicating through Tom’s assistant, Ann. In one example that viewers got, Ariana texted Ann to tell Tom to turn off the outdoor LED lights at night because they were “annoying the neighbors.” After relaying the message, Ann unfortunately had to text Ariana Tom’s reply. “He says they fall under freedom of speech,” Ann told Ariana. I don’t think the founding fathers covered LED lights in the U.S. Constitution, but sure Tom.
Poor, poor Ann. Someone get this girl a better job.
James and Schwartz Bro-ing Out
James Kennedy was a major bright spot in the Vanderpump Rules Season 11 premiere. Though he’s had his problematic moments in the past, this season, he’s bringing the funny. James’ sit-down with Tom Schwartz was absolute gold, and there’s nothing I didn’t love about their bro-out session.
Schwartz was only too excited to celebrate James’ new home ownership and the gifts he gave James were hilarious. From the adorable little plant to the candle that smelled like “citrus pissing,” Schwartz and James’ back and forth had me chuckling.
In this scene, both VPR men demonstrated why they deserve screen time. James told Schwartz how he had given up alcohol, while pounding down double espressos and admitting to being California sober. “I still smoke weed…all day,” James revealed. Now THAT’S California living.
Dingleberries and Kava
It’s a whole new season and clearly a whole new Katie Maloney. She set some impressive boundaries when swinging by Schwartz’s apartment to pick up the dogs they share custody of. Not even Schwartz’s dedication to dog grooming was enough to melt Katie’s icy heart towards him.
Schwartz informed Katie that he plucked out all their dog’s dingleberries and “rewashed his little butt”…too specific, Tom! But it was Katie inspecting her dog’s butt to verify Schwartz’s claims that really killed me. Schwartz may not be the most trustworthy person, but I think I’d take his word about how well he cleaned his dog’s ass.
Katie is definitely way over Schwartz, which the closed captions confirmed. When her ex asked her if she wanted to hang out for a bit and drink some kava, the captions for Katie’s response read, “[unenthusiastically] Sure.” I don’t know about you, but I was [enthusiastically] cracking up.
Ariana Responds to Schwartz Campaigning For Sandoval Hugs
The Vanderpump Rules Season 11 premiere featured a lot of clips regarding background information, including things that happened on Watch What Happens Live. One such clip showed Schwartz begging Bravo fans to give Sandoval a hug if they see him. Aw, widdle Sandy’s sad.
Ariana, of course, doesn’t think Sandoval deserves hugs of any kind, and Schwartz revealed she texted him in response. “Go choke on Sandoval’s dirty ass dick somewhere,” read Ariana’s alleged text. Of course, Schwartz made sure viewers had the full story. “For the record,” he said, “I’ve never choked on Sandoval’s dirty ass dick.” Thanks for clarifying, Schwartz, we were all wondering.
Dad Bod Ken
Ok, so this one is a stretch, but I’m including it anyway. Though it didn’t happen in Episode 1, the preview for the rest of Season 11 showed Lala Kent calling Schwartz a “dad bod Ken” after seeing his new bleach-blonde hair. It was epic, it was savage, it was accurate, and it technically aired during the Vanderpump Rules Season 11 premiere. So, for the purposes of this article, it counts as one of the first episode’s funniest moments.
TELL US – WHAT WERE YOUR FAVORITE MOMENTS FROM THE VANDERPUMP RULES SEASON 11 PREMIERE?