They’re baaaaaacck…Head’s up, Southern Charm fans! The crew from Charleston has returned for Season 6. We will see new faces, old faces, and faces you had hoped you would never see again. Returning to your television screens will be newish mom, Cameran Eubanks. Shep Rose is still hanging around, because what else does he do? Captain Beer himself, Austen Kroll, has a new girlfriend and is hopefully making money this year. Then there’s Craig Conover. Our Craigy passed the bar (not the one that serves alcohol, no one on this show passes a bar). He is presently fulfilling his current life’s dream of being a sewing master. I do not hate on this. I love a man who has actual domestic skills. Also returning is Kathryn Dennis. Kathryn has stayed out of trouble and has been keeping busy. She even has a new man in her life, but you can only go up after the father of her children.
Gone from the fold is
convicted felon, Thomas Ravenel. Thomas basically unraveled (see what I did there) and got himself a one way ticket off the show. Thanks to a sexual assault charge and an extremely psychotic interesting girlfriend. These days, he spends a lot of time in court. Speaking of the psychotic girlfriend, whatever happened to Ashley Jacobs? She was a real Snickers bar with extra nuts. Ashley took being Thomas’ girlfriend VERY serious and essentially turned herself into the show’s resident pariah. She basically begged Thomas to marry her on a regular basis. She had no concern that he financially funded her escort lifestyle way of living. Ashley also backed herself into a passive-aggressive corner with the rest of the cast. Now, I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger – no wait, I am saying she’s a gold digger. If she were a smart woman, she would have packed her bags and returned to her family in California. Like I said, IF she were a smart woman…
Are you guys ready to saddle up and take a ride on the hot mess express? Good because that is what you can expect from the Vanderpump Rules Season 7 reunion. The cast of your guiltiest pleasure had major ups and downs during the season. The ups consisted of Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright getting engaged. The downs were watching Lala Kent suffering over the loss of her father and
anything to do with Katie Maloney the constant ganging up on James Kennedy.
We saw Scheana Marie “single” for the first time ever, but somehow she managed to obsess over someone anyway. James’ girlfriend Raquel Leviss was an unnecessary target of the Witches of WeHo, mainly because she is pretty and thin… The poor thing didn’t really do anything to anyone. Kristen Doute was, god I don’t even know. Kristen, what in the fresh hell do you do every single day? Anystupidtshirtline, the reunion is going to treat us with three separate shows to wrap up Season 7.
You know that old saying, “don’t bite the hand that feeds you”? It looks like the main players on the Vanderpump Rules stage missed that one. Fans of the show have enjoyed watching people test relationship boundaries, become obsessed with former loves, and make poor decisions in general. Luckily for stars like Stassi Schroeder, Ariana Madix, and Kristen Doute, they have been afforded the benefit of making a hefty salary in the process.
Now the once young, attractive, eager-to-achieve-stardom crew have matured into, well, older versions of what they were before. The difference is they are currently doing it with the ability to purchase $2 million dollar homes. This is thanks to Lisa Vanderpump, because, after all, she hired them in the first place. She even went so far as to partner up with two of the show’s veterans, Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz to open the stunning TomTom. One might assume they would be grateful for the opportunities Lisa has given them. One might assume they would appreciate not having to work paycheck to paycheck at a 9 to 5 job. And one might assume they would appreciate the benefits of fame that were basically SURved to them on a silver platter. Well, my friends, one might be wrong…
The holidays came early this year! Whatever you celebrate, it was Festivus for the rest of us because we were treated to a truly wonderful gift, courtesy of one Curtis James Jackson III, better known as 50 Cent. In what has to be the most entertaining version of an East Coast/West Coast feud, 50 revealed that he is a viewer of Vanderpump Rules. While this may surprise some people, it really isn’t that much of a stretch seeing as Lala Kent’s fiancé, Randall Emmett, produces projects that involve 50. Or is it Mr. Cent?
Our saga began when 50 Cent posted a clip from Pump Rules on social media. In a segment with Stassi Schroeder, Lala shared, that she let Randall to “hit it” on the night they met. Lala reaped the benefits of her “feminist” ways, receiving expensive gifts courtesy of Rand. She works hard for the money, so hard for it, honey! This ticked off my new best friend 50 because #ALLEGEDLY Randall had previously borrowed $1 million scrilla from the actor. But don’t cry for 50. His ability to retrieve loaned funds now has executives at Captial One rethinking their methods of collection.
What do you get if you are rude, crude, and socially unacceptable? Well, if you are employed by Bravo, apparently you get rewarded. Real Housewives of Atlanta star, NeNe Leakes, might be finding out that treating people in a manner, usually reserved for those who run over your dog, is actually great for the bank account.
In Season 11 of RHOA, NeNe took “playing the victim” to levels even Vicki Gunvalson has never reached. Not only did she make the entire season about herself, she participated in physical brawls, turned on her BFF, and blamed her husband’s cancer on his infidelity. Along the way, MeanNe lost friends, fans, and some might say her mind in certain cases. But hey, whatever works, and seemingly her nasty attitude worked in her favor.
Great news everyone! Our long, national nightmare has finally ended! No, we haven’t reached world peace, but this is almost as good. Everyone’s favorite Rock of Love throwback, Shannon Beador, has reached a divorce settlement with ex-husband, David Beador. Thanks to God, Buddha, and Dr. Moon, the Real Housewives of Orange County mama’s suffering has come to a close! No, I’m just kidding, then we wouldn’t have a show.
Shannon and David went through the proverbial ringer during their marriage. Vodka, “the affair“, and mystical hypochondria were only a few of the culprits in the demise of their union. However, the couple did go through extreme measures in an attempt to resolve their numerous issues. Remember when David had to pretend Shannon was dead during a therapy session? Quite frankly, I also required therapy after what we viewers endured when all of this was going down… Thankfully for all of us, Shannon and David Beador are NO MORE, so now comes the good part. Settlement time, baby!
Remember when Vanderpump Rules star Scheana Marie dated Rob Valletta? Of COURSE, you do because she was clearly
obsessed in love with him. I mean, she loved Rob even when she married poor Mike Shay (congrats again on dodging a bullet, Shay). Rob was what we like to call, “the one who got away”.
Rob was the perfect guy for Scheana. He had a great house in Los Angeles, a vacation house in Big Bear, a job, and a famous model sister. He could also, say it with me now, HANG A TELEVISION IN SEVEN MINUTES. Scheana timed him, y’all! It doesn’t get much better than that, am I right? Sadly, Scheana and Rob ended their Harlequin Romance due to “tricky schedules”. Or maybe Rob just decided he couldn’t hang with a stage 11 clinger and a bunch of thirtysomething alcoholics with no viable life skills. So whatever happened to Rob? Did he willingly ease back into normal life? Is he suffering from PTSD? If the guy was smart, he voluntarily entered the witness protection program and changed his name.
My guess is when you guys think about “true love”, no one from Vanderpump Rules comes to mind. Perhaps visions of Mike and Carol Brady fill your head or Princess Leia and Han Solo… But I’m definitely not picturing Tom Schwartz getting the verbal beat down from
owner wife, Katie Maloney. Visions of Tom Sandoval and glorified roommate Ariana Madix certainly don’t fit. Shall we talk about marriage-bound Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright? No, we better skip them too. Oh, hang on a second, we cannot forget Lala Kent and Randall Emmett. Those two are the epitome of what a REAL relationship looks like. I think we can all agree that Lala would 1,000% be with Rand if he weren’t rich and a Hollywood producer. Because Lala typically goes for men with 19 chins and children from previous relationships. #sorrynotsorry
So who will be next to put a ring on it and start heading down the aisle of permanent togetherness? Even though, Tom 1 and Tom 2 are historically the happiest couple on the show… The Toms do have an idea, but if you ask me it’s more the result of what cast members are left over. Ain’t nobody thinking someone will marry Kristen Doute, like ever. So Stassi, you’re up girlfriend.