Before we get to the assery of Brooks (and later Terry) we must first confront the assery of David. Did you know – he had an affair! During the last reunion Shannon Beador pretended her marriage was amazing and wonderful and more perfect than ever. Except, haha – 3 weeks prior she had learned David was cheating, then he left her, then he came home with his dick tail between his legs, and then he whisked her away on a 17-day romantic vacation. So she wasn’t lying! Sadly when the cameras started rolling again, “reality” set-in.
Really – honestly – I don’t care what’s happening with Shannon, her vagina, her affair, her husband, her colon, her rectum, because her voice is sounding more like my 90-year-old great aunt’s by the day and that’s scary.
This season of Vanderpump Rules is bringing in new blood, but it’s also settling old scores. “I think it’s a redeeming season. It’s a story of redemption for a lot of us,” declares Tom Schwartz. And surprisingly for Jax Taylor as well.
Jax credits his latest girlfriend Brittany Cartwright for changing his ways. “I’ve obviously dated girls who are kind of difficult and very ‘Hollywood.’ This one’s just awesome. She’s a really cool girl, she’s really laid back.”
Jax and Brittany met in Vegas where she was working. “I can’t tell the story about how we met. Or where she works, that’s even better,” hints Jax. WHY? “I’ll tell you I was with another girl on that trip.” Of course. But apparently it was meant to be!
I could watch Vanderpump Rules forever, like on a loop, one never-ending Kristen Doute messy relationship after another. Oh wait, I am! HAHA – funny how that’s working out. Kristen cheated on Tom Sandoval, blamed Tom 1 for their relationship being awful, bragged about the wondrous peen of James Kennedy, then their relationship ended up being equally awful in all the same ways, Kristen returned to her nagging, stalking, threatening, emotionally manipulative, meltdowns and… well you know what happened! James cheated! Didn’t think he had the balls. Literally.
Is that karma, or just the laws of physics. Whatever – I’m sensing a pattern here. Is that pattern Kristen?
Remember way back when, when a former Villa Blanca waitress sued Lisa Vanderpump and Ken Todd? The waitress in question accused her manager of sexual harassment, then said she was forced to quit after being subjected to a hostile work environment. Now it’s the attorney who represented Lisa and Ken who is on the receiving end of a lawsuit!
This Friday Vicki and a mystery man were spotted at The Ranch, an Anaheim, CA restaurant. In stealthy photos captured of the two it appears the Real Housewives Of Orange County star is holding hands with the man later identified as Smith Walker. That name cannot be real – it sounds like it was manufactured from a BuzzFeed Quiz about what your name would be if you were a liquor.