Well hot damn was that an exciting episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County! Satan is confusing, and so too is Kelly Dodd. My head is still spinning from all the crazy, but I think it may be one of my favorite episodes ever. SO much happened that it was like watching Real Housewives as guest-directed by Quentin Tarantino.
One thing we have definitely learned in our many years observing Housewives in their native environments is that slightly unhinged women do not mix with tables and prostitution whores. Also “mother” and “not a prostitute” are mutually exclusive. No, Kelly didn’t flip a table, but she did flip an entire coven of Housewives and Housewives associates on their heads with expletive-laden, name calling the likes of which Heather Dubrow(who was ironically wearing leopard in a subtle homage to Real Housewives Of New Jersey, I imagine (intentional or ironic!?)) has never heard!
On last night’s Real Housewives Of New Jersey we officially bid “Arrivederci” to Bravo’s bankrupt and brokedown version of Lucy and Ethel, because Teresa Giudice finally told Jacqueline Laurita to take her prosciutto and shove it! She has her own Thankyouverymuch. Or maybe it was the other way around? Oh, and Juicy will be rolley-bagging his homemade wine all the way home!
Things started off on the right foot, at least, with nobody having envy over anybody else. Well, maybe Melissa Gorga envies Poison, ’cause now that she’s a business owner/mom she has to do double the work while STILL listening to him complain. At least the Gorgadices are stepping in the right direction, though! Melissa even invites Teresa and Milania to watch her three kids walk in New York Fashion Week.
There’s plenty going on this season of Little Women: Atlanta and we are only five episodes in. Now that the girls are back from Black Bike Week in Myrtle Beach, it is time to get down to business in the ATL. We’ve got babies to keep cooking, restraining orders to be filing, and engagement rings to be given.
The only gal still missing from action is Emily Fernandez, who is still in Dallas with baby JJ. Bestie Bri Barlup has been in touch and JJ seems to be getting stronger each day, but I think Emily will be understandably absent the whole season. Filling in is Bri’s new friend, Melissa, who already started off rocky with the ladies in Myrtle Beach and oh, in case you didn’t hear, she’s a model.
Close your eyes with me for a moment and imagine this: A Little Women: LA episode not prominently featuring the abysmal hellfire of Briana Renee and her dirtball husband, Matt Ericson (Grundhoffer). Like, at all. Now open your eyes! Because our prayers have been answered – at least for this week.
Yes, my friends, we have been spared one full hour of nonstop Briana drama to focus on, well, totally unrelated drama between Terra Jole and Tonya Banks. So, okay, it is not a perfect world. It is kind of like we’ve been pulled up from the 7th circle of Dante’s Inferno to…I don’t know, the 5th circle? But I’ll take it!
Jeff Lewis is in over his head with his house, his clients, and his march toward fatherhood (which is approaching quickly). Meanwhile, Jenni Pulos is busy trying to make a buck by sitting on toilets. That, my friends, is the nutshell version of this week’s Flipping Out. But it takes a while to get there…so, let’s get started!
At Valley Vista, Jeff and Gage Edwards are led through the money pit they’ve regretfully purchased. Frank the contractor briefs them on structural, electrical, and – worst of all – water issues as the cha-ching, cha-ching sound rings endlessly in Jeff’s brain. This place is more than he bargained for and could possibly be, in his own words, the worst house he’s ever bought. Gage agrees.
Even though I have to, I don’t really want to discuss the ruminating super drama between Bethenny Frankel and Luann de Lesseps. Instead I’d like to focus on the positive and give a prodigious shout-out to Sonja Tremont Morgan, a lady who has turned over a new leaf and out flew a butterfly. Hats off – designer hats with no repairs, that is – to Sonja for being Real Housewives Of New York‘s class-act last night!
The ladies are all yachting around while talking in circles about Tom. Tom-T-Tom-Tom-TOOOM. Poor Sonja has a harness on her dress to holster in her heart nice and tight. But that thing looks uncomfortable and like her boobs were begging for as much mercy as her poor little broken pitter-patter. Sonja admits to Carole Radziwill and Ramona Singer that, well, maybe she’s a little nervous about seeing Tom because well, maybe, she had deeper feelings for him than she let on, and well, Luann is just not really interested in addressing this. Furthermore, Sonja had no idea that Lu knew she and Tom were a thing.
Back to back nights of reunion specials are always a little much and that couldn’t be truer than with the Shahs of Sunset. It’s just a lot to handle and I think most of us can agree that we need the Shahs in small, weekly doses. But if part one of the reunion could be summed up as evil eyes, extra marital affairs, and extensions, part two’s theme should be business schemes, standup routines, and sex tapes that no one has seen.
We pick up from last night with Vida sitting back and watching the destruction she caused after throwing her patented Criticism Grenade into the heart of the crew. Mercedes “MJ” Javid and Asa Soltan Rahmati are still going at it and MJ really has an axe to grind here. Tommy Feight, drinks his free champagne and is happy as a clam, completely unaffected by the drama going on around him. If anyone can handle dating someone on a reality show, I’m starting to think it is Tommy.
It’s time for more baby showers that no one wants to attend and friendships that no one wants to mend on this week’s Little Women: LA!
Last night we learned that Jasmine Sorge is a glutton for punishment as she throws Briana Renee another awkwardly attended shower, despite Briana’s horrid treatment of her. Did Jasmine learn nothing from that el depresso bridal shower last season? This will not be a gathering of happy campers. (Literally, the RSVP boxes on these shower invites should read: “Yes,” “Regretfully, no” and “What the f*ck dude!?”)