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Hamptons

Real Housewives Of New York

I’m beginning to think that next time, instead of going to The Berkshires, the Real Housewives Of New York all just need to take a trip to rehab. I’m sure Luann de Lesseps knows a place!

Dorinda Medley thought she was making it nice by decorating her house like cheesy haunted house, but the Fish Room is no halloween theme! Those are $15,000 taxidermied sword fish (why? how? so confusing?) and it’s a privilege to pass out drunk before their glassy-eyed stare! Also they are there all. year. round. Come Easter they wear bunny ears, come Christmas twinkly lights, come St. Patty’s day a leprechaun hat, but come Halloween they get to just be their creepy selves. Kinda like the Real Housewives when they enter the Berkshires – all their most idiosyncratic tendencies and behaviors come out in full force and they are their most selves.

Take Luann for instance, throwing a haughty fit after learning she was placed in the Fish Room instead of ‘Hannah’s room’ at the front of the house. 

Luann de Lesseps

Last night the Real Housewives Of New York headed to the Berkshires and they weren’t there 15 minutes before drama erupted over who has to wake up in the shark room. Ladies – Dorinda Medley made it nice, the least you can do is start out behaving!

Ramona Singer is actually looking forward to the Berkshires this year, because she thinks she’s “good with everyone.” Apparently she’s forgotten that Bethenny Frankel has the memory of an elephant when it comes to other people offending her. And that Luann de Lesseps has an elephantine ego that will not be satisfied with peanuts. Perhaps Ramona’s disaster date gave her a new frame of reference for the people in her lives?

Speaking of dates, Bethenny is headed to Boston to visit the guy she’s dating. I’m confused: at the clambake Bethenny was just considering going on her first post-Dennis date, with a man she’d met before Dennis passed, even though she was engaged to Dennis? Now she’s in a full fledged relationship which has “really heated up” since Dennis died? 

Real Housewives Of New York

Oh, I love Real Housewives Of New York! From Tinsley Mortimer slipping into Southern Sorority mode and using the word “hoebag,” to Dorinda Medley accusing Barbara Kavovit of drinking so much of Luann de Lesseps‘ unspiked Kool-Aid she has Type-2 Diabetes, to Ramona Singer getting lectured on being judgmental from the date from hell and just gulping her wine in response. This show is the pinnacle. Take note, Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills!

We left, and open on a cliff-hanger: will Dorinda and Luann make amends? Aided by Bethenny Frankel, at the Paper Magazine party, Luann saunters over. Clearly she’s expecting Dorinda to bow at her feet, cry, and vow to never utter the dreaded word “Jovani” again.

Ramona Singer - Real Housewives Of New York Clambake

Last week’s Real Housewives Of New York gave us a Mermaid Moonwalk. This week Ramona Singer terrorized a clambake by stuffing whole lobsters in a plastic grocery bag. This is why Real Housewives Of New York is the best!

“I’m not quite sure if I’m invited or not but I’m inviting myself,” shrugs Ramona, arriving at Barbara Kavovit‘s much-anticipated clambake. She believes wine is the salve that soothes all social wounds. So by bringing two bottles of rosé, PLUS a fancy pie, there’s no way she’ll be turned away. Who knew she’d leave with so many party favors. 

Luann de Lesseps - Real Housewives Of New York

Last night the Real Housewives Of New York dragged all their dysfunction to the Hamptons where they split into two teams: Team Ramona Singer & Team Luann de Lesseps. Just like the old days… Usually Sonja Morgan likes being in the middle of some sweaty, howling, grunting, insane situations, and this time was no exception!

Sonja arrives at Ramona’s house after being driven by Tinsley Mortimer. After all Tinsley’s whining that she might crash before she even gets into the driver’s seat, she turned out to be a good driver. Which, according to Sonja, also naturally means Tinsley will be a good mother. Because… ?

For some reason Sonja has long extensions – from a photoshoot maybe. They look so ratty I assume she found them in a box in a the Townhouse basement labeled JP – Mother’s Victorian Wigs. Anyway, this inspires Dorinda Medley to whip out the mermaid costumes she brought so they all can do something besides eat, drink, go to restaurants and fight. Dorinda believes their mermaid photos will “go viral.” Which is usually what they’re saying about Sonja’s vagina.

Luann de Lesseps - Real Housewives Of New York

Last night was the season premiere of Real Housewives Of New York and all I have to say is thank goodness these ladies area back! They are quite literally the saviors of the Real Housewives franchise, and LuAnn de Lesseps and Co. definitely took us to church last night.

It’s a topsy-turvy time for all the women, who are dealing with some personal changes and challenges – like deciding to paint their entire apartment hot pink on the recommendation of an emotionally domineering unprofessional designer (aka their invisible teenaged daughter.) Gotta make amends for being a drunk loon on TV and I guess pink walls is the easiest way to do it! Obviously, I’m talking about Sonja T. Morgan and her unseen, unnamed daughter Quincy J. (I swear Quincy is actually just Sonja’s id acting up! #FreudRealTalk)