Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 14, Episode 5 Recap: Limp D*cks and Boujie B*tches

Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 14, Episode 5 recap.
Photo Credit: Nicole Weingart/Bravo via Getty Images

Welcome back to the Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 14, Episode 5 recap, where the tensions are teetering on the edges of The Palisades’ Cliffs. Last week, a charity game of softball ensued, but off of the fields, arguments threatened to ruin these charitable endeavors. On this week’s episode, titled “Glitz & Blitz,” Rachel and Teresa’s feud escalates, as Margaret continues to mourn Jan Josephs. Pour yourself a can of Marge’s Soirée, as we rehash all things RHONJ Season 14, Episode 5.

Frank and Danielle’s proposals of sorts

After glancing into the homes of Teresa, Rachel, and Marge, it appears to be calm and bright enough. Then, Dolores and Frank enter, dining out with their children. Here, Frank explains that he’s “going away to Costa Rica, and while there, he’s proposing to Brittany Mattessich. Dolores and their kids are thrilled, nailing this whole blended family thing like pros.

But then, Frank asks Dolores to make believe that she’s Brittany. As everyone stares, Frank drops down on one knee, fake proposing to his ex, who says “Yeah,” as everyone laughs.

Elsewhere, Rachel’s son Jaiden drives them to an indoor amusement park, and Rachel’s anxiety as his passenger princess is relatable AF. Melissa and her teen Gino also pull up, alongside Danielle and her little man Dominic. As they head to the go-karts, Danielle asks if teenagers cuddle, and Melissa answers with a nope.

After their race to nowhere, the kids walk away, as the mothers head off to chat. At their plastic folding table, Danielle invites the ladies to see her clothing line at New York Fashion Week. They say yes, but then Danielle also invites them to a brunch, where all of “the women” will hopefully be. They agree to attend everything.

Danielle then breaks down, talking about her rift with her father. Melissa begs her to let her guard down because our parents are only here for so long.

A trio forms

Teresa heads over to Bill’s plastic surgery center so that she and Jennifer can partake in a facial. In contrast, over at Margaret’s, her mother just had surgery, so Marge is the one providing the care, as her mother attempts to relax. Her mother asks how the charity softball game went, and Margaret explains that she and Jackie fought. Cut back to Tre and Jennifer, and they’re also talking about this fight, but they decide to FaceTime Jackie.

Jackie answers. She refuses to talk trash, but she does admit that she wants to “move away” from Margaret’s energy. As for Margaret, she’s primarily upset that Jackie didn’t call her on the anniversary of Jan’s passing. However, Jackie feels like she’s been a good friend, but she’s tired of trying to make everyone happy.

Teresa loves this. But Jackie’s laughing, explaining in her confessional that she’s aware of what Teresa and Jennifer are doing. In turn, she’s “not going to be the person who gives them all the fuel for their fire” with Margaret. But, it does feel good to have them as her friends.

After they hang up, Teresa follows Jackie on Instagram.

Bougie basics

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Teresa then heads over to Danielle’s, where they look over her Bougie Kids clothing line. Teresa calls it “basic,” which Danielle hates. However, Teresa doesn’t mean this as an insult. Instead, her usage of “basics” means “bread and butter” items, which, duh, Danielle should know, Teresa jokes via her confessional.

But then, Teresa asks Danielle if she’s invited to see her line at New York Fashion Week. Danielle fails to tell her that she’s invited Melissa. Instead, she only says that she has ten tickets, so, nope, Tre can’t come. However, she does invite Teresa to her Bougie Brunch.

A meeting of the minds

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Jennifer and Melissa’s agreed-upon lunch finally happens. Melissa wants to know what’s wrong between them. Jennifer wants Melissa to also self-reflect here, to which Melissa says okay. Melissa then notes that she hasn’t spread any rumors about Jennifer, but Jennifer sighs, saying that she hasn’t spread anything about Melissa either, because really, the others started the whole Melissa’s cheating narrative, not her.

Mainly, Jennifer intended to show “that Margaret was an assh*le.” Even still, Melissa wants Jennifer to keep her marriage out of her mouth moving forward. “You have a hard-on for my husband,” Melissa quips. In reply, Jennifer says neh eh, “It’s a limp d*ck.”

But then, they make peace, kinda. Melissa’s beginning to understand what Jennifer’s triggers are, and now, these two are going to try and move forward.

Famous last words.

Missing Jan

Back at Margaret’s, Melissa, Jen, and Rachel head over to hang with their costar. She’s sad, missing Jan. This is also putting a strain on her current marriage. Mourning isn’t linear, and on this, we’re sending you our love, Marge.

Boujie Brunch B*tches

The Boujie Brunch finally arrives. Here, Teresa addresses Rachel, saying that she didn’t mean to call John a current drug dealer. Also, John’s ex brought this info to the light, not her, but this sets Rachel off, saying that Luis has far worse tales circulating from his exes. “Don’t poke the f*cking bear,” Teresa warns.

Rachel claps back with Teresa’s time spent in prison as “a grown-ass adult.” Jackie and Melissa start fighting as well. “Here’s to moving forward,” Danielle jokes, while Teresa excuses herself from the table. As the credits roll, Dolores warns Rachel that Teresa is now going to come for her, but on this, Rachel’s not scared.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 14 continues every Sunday on Bravo at 8/7c.