Guess what, dear readers! It's the battle of the booties…the donkey booties! Dare I say it's epic! On the latest episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, tell-it-like-it-is attorney and mortician Phaedra Parks went head to head with the self-proclaimed favorite new cast member Kenya Moore (And twist!) over a butt enhancing "exercise" video. Somewhere, right now, Richard Simmons is wearing short shorts and a puff-painted American flag muscle tee, rocking back and forth in a corner, and screaming, "Why God, why?" Poor man.
In such a assilicious situation, there is sure to be some discord, but, in my opinion, Kenya was pretty out of line with her demands. Phaedra agrees, and I'm certainly not one to go against anyone who spews gems of advice in the form of the most ridiculous life lessons. Let's be honest, only Phaedra can equate a fancy coffin to an opulent life style…while waxing poetic about dill pickles and homemade macaroni and cheese. Girlfriend is one of a kind, and I love her for it!
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Phaedra, the ultimate Southern belle, addresses the booty debacle in her Bravo blog, and she's every bit as sugary sweet and biting as you'd expect. Kenya needs to step off and realize that, first of all, Walter Jackson was only her boyfriend for a paycheck, and two, you don't mess with Phaedra and her bootilicious plans.
The sharp tongued Phaedra writes, "This week Apollo and I attempted to do business with Kenya regarding our recently released Phine Body workout DVD. The business deal went awry when Kenya refused to present us with paperwork or speak to our attorney regarding her verbalized proposal."
Phaedra continues, "While I have been noted as many things, a less that astute business woman has not been one of them. While we considered using Kenya, just like every other production company, we contacted, we expected a budget, transparency, and the right to ask questions and receive answers. However, Kenya was opposed to all of this. She instead wanted my husband and me to pay her $100K in production fees with a 10% back end for an idea she did not invest in or assist in developing." I love Phaedra's use of wording…the woman can make an argument.
Not one to mince words, Phaedra wonders about Kenya's business savvy. She recalls, "Instead of her using an attorney, which is standard for most business transactions, she wanted to negotiate the deal herself and became offended when our attorney questioned her about her budget and alleged distribution deal that we never agreed to nor received any paperwork for. I am assuming that she thought since we had known her for one month we would trust her with $100K without doing our due diligence. This blatant lack of rudimentary business acumen made me very skeptical as her resume and actions were not consistent with what she was telling us. Everybody knows if you do million dollar deals you minimally have an attorney on retainer and no one pays anyone 50% or a 10% back end for a product that they have no intellectual property interest in or financial risk/investment in. We never asked Kenya to secure a distribution deal, she did that on her own accord, we asked her to produce (i.e. tape/record and edit) our workout DVD. However, she used my name to solicit offers." Phaedra is winning her case with her vocabulary, while Kenya is likely reading this blog post and scratching her head. You've gotta love it!
"Kenya's primary contention was we wanted her to work for free. Which is bologna!" adds Phaedra, "If payment of $100K is free, please let me use your magic calculator and meet your accountant. While she continuously said she was working for free, our research with over five different production companies revealed to us that with our $100K payment she would minimally net in profits no less than $47K for her services which is more than ample compensation for a day’s work and 2 half hour meetings."
While Phaedra is all about telling it like it is, she hasn't forgotten her Southern roots and unfailing etiquette. She harbors no ill will towards Kenya (yeah, right!), and explains, "Unfortunately, business deals often go sour. I have never been one to cry over spilled milk, because I usually have another gallon or two in the refrigerator to pour. However Kenya, who obviously does not have any current projects and/or business ventures, became obsessed with working on our project; taking every opportunity to whine about it with anyone who would listen. Her time would have been used more wisely if she would have just been forthcoming with us, or better yet, hired an attorney to negotiate the deal. Thankfully, we did not use her or her company and our Phine Body with Phaedra & Apollo Donkey Booty Volume I was successfully released on December 11 without a hitch or an emotional roller coaster attached to it! We do hope that Kenya will invest in a Business 101 class and we wish her all the best!"
Ooh, child. An insult followed by well-wishing? It's Southern manners to the enth degree. Had Phaedra thrown in a "bless her heart," Kenya would have really been taken down a notch. Scarlett O'Hara applauds you, Phaedra…with a slow clap.
TELL US-WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE DONKEY BOOTY BATTLE? COMMENTS ON PHAEDRA'S BLOG?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]