Kailyn Lowry is having wedding drama and is a complete bridezilla. She's also a wifezilla, a babydaddyzilla and probably any other kind of 'zilla you can think of. Combining 'zilla tendencies with Snuffy moping nonsense makes Kail unbearable. Stay off my TV until you've had this baby because you are an emotional wreck, Kailzilla!
Kail has like 9 bridesmaids – one for each month she's pregnant! – including Javi's sister and his sister's friend. Unfortunately
since Javi's family probably doesn't like Kail, Javi's sister and friend aren't super motivated to participate in wedding planning. Why would you have your husband's sister's FRIEND in your bridal party? Weird. Kail claims they don't want to spend any money on wedding stuff and they don't want to do super-fun stuff like sit in someone's kitchen to test hairstyles while Kail Snuffys along.
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On the hairstyle test day in question Peach finds $20 earrings that all the maids have to wear. Kail decides they'll just buy them and then Peach can text Javi's sister and friend to let them know how much they owe. Way to make Kail your maid of honorzilla, Kail! Peach didn't look convinced but she knows the wrath of Kail – and a pregnant Kail, watch out!
Unfortunately Javi's sister doesn't want to be told what to do so she texts Javi complaining about Peach being a biatch. Kail is already in the throes of a meltdown over being stressed out by planning a wedding while she's 62 months pregnant, moving, dealing with Jo, and hating her mom, all while feeling like she won't love baby no 2 as much as she loves Isaac.
Maybe Javi should enter the witness protection program because his sweetness in the Miley Cyrus t-shirt is not prepared for Kail unleashing about how terrible and uninvolved his sister is in the wedding of the century (screw you Duchess Kate!). Javi refuses to get involved in the battle over bridesmaids between his wife and his family, so Kail loses it. Snuffy never happy no matter what!
Are they that desperate for MTV to pay for this wedding that they couldn't postpone until after Kail had this baby? She's the one that needs a reality check, not Javi!
Also needing a reality check: JENELLE. Jenelle invited Tori, the Teen Mom Whisperer, over so they can hide cigarettes from the camera (so obvious!) and complain about Courtland Rogers. Another reason Jenelle can't afford birth control - she has to buy smokes. #Priorities.
Jenelle has to go to court the following day and she's just so convinced Courtland is crazy enough to kidnap her and drive away or burst into the house she shares with Nathan Griffith to seize his possession – her. Apparently Jenelle's life has now turned into an episode of Once Upon A Time… Tori advises Jenelle to put 9-1-1 on speed dial. Barb has been teaching Jace his ABCs and 123s – maybe he could come over to impart some wisdom on Jenelle?
Tori marvels at what a good guy Nathan is – based on what JENELLE, liar of the century, has been telling her. I mean Nathan doesn't even have a record. And he doesn't do drugs. Huh?! He has three DUIs, puked in a police car, has a kid he lost custody of, is a failed underwear model (advertising yourself on Craigslist in your undies does not count as 'model', Nathan), and hawks timeshares for a living. Plus, he wears bad 'dad pants' – you know what I'm talking about. Pretty sure Jenelle should be more worried about Nathan's psycho factor than Courtland's!
On the day of court Jenelle wears heels because they're "more classier" than flip flops. And they go so well with technicolor orange skin tone – what do they call that? Highlighter? Pumpkin Spice? I'll ask Megan and Chelsea.
Jenelle's case gets rescheduled so unfortunately the dramatic showdown she was anticipating between Nathan and Courtland didn't happen. No one got to defend Princess Heroin's honor. So sadzy!
Jenelle visits her attorney Dustin Sullivan to get the lowdown on what happens next. She'll plead guilty to possession of heroin and get extended probation. I loved that he openly laughed at her stupidity before smirking that Courtland will be out of jail for time served. Jenelle monotones from cue cards about how she's staying away from bad influences now so she won't be bad anymore. Dustin rolls his eyes, sterilizes the chair she was sitting in and bills MTV extra for the orange skidmarks she left from the spraytan.
Jenelle heads over to Barb's – and holy technicolor what is her makeup?! – where she fills her in on court while trying to remember when Barb adopted a four-year-old and why that kid is calling her mommy. Huh.
Jenelle promises she's gonna be good now because she's planning a future of reproducing with Nathan. Can he be a gold digger if Jenelle has no money and is the color of radioactive nuclear waste? Cubic Zirconium digger? Barb worries again that Jenelle is moving too fast with Nathan. "Who else would I hang out with?" Jenelle wonders. How about her kid? Or an employment office. Or community college. Or Tori! She's reasonable.
Jenelle believes Nathan's "accomplishments" (DUI 1, 2, or 3?) will steer her in the right direction. Well, good for you. I hope Dustin Sullivan handles child support cases!
Leah Calvert has Ali evaluated by the early intervention pre-school program and it turns out Ali knows all her colors (she learned using Leah's hair) and shapes, which officially makes her smarter than mommy who is still confused about how the penis fits into the vagina and makes swimmy things that cause babies. It's magic!
Leah calls Corey Simms to let him know about the eval and they schedule a time to meet and discuss Ali's education. I love that these two are mature enough to recognize the importance of having the step-parents involved. Also, Miranda is a good hair influence on Leah. Leah and Jeremy go to Corey's where he openly admits he's never going to accept Ali's diagnosis, but wants her to get the best care possible and everything she needs. Everyone worries about Ali not having them to help her with everything at school, but agrees that Aleeah needs some time apart from Ali because she's been acting out.
Case in point: Aleeah gets ahold of some air freshener and is blasting Ali in the face with it. Leah stomps over, grabs it, smacks her butt, and snaps, "Don't back talk!" I am reminded of my grandma - (WV pride!) who always swatted our butts and yelled about back talk. She did not have purple hair, however.
In other important developments LEAH GETS HER HAIR DID! It's all straight and silky and non-plastic Easter grass looking. "It's better than that purple crap," compliments Jeremy. Great minds, Jeremy, great minds!
The day before Ali starts school, she chugs Mt. Dew to take the edge off. Corey and Miranda come over to bring some school supplies. Corey looks at Adalynn and marvels that the twins were once that small. "Can you imagine what it'll be like when they're in college," Leah wonders and everyone laughs. It was sweet. They're sweet. I can forgive Leah's hair transgressions and Jeremy nagging because I love them all. And they all have good hearts and love these girls.
And moving onto immature co-parenting here comes Recedehawk, Adam Lind! Adam and Taylor gave birth to new baby Paislee. Aubree is meeting her for the first time. Aubree holds her new sister gently. "Why isn't she talking to me?" she asks Adam. I swear this is the most time he's spent with Aubree ever – MTV must be paying him extra. Aubree is supposed to be spending the night at his parents, but Adam and Taylor decide she should stay with them and they do not tell Chelsea Houska.
Chelsea finds out when Taylor posts a photo at MIDNIGHT of Aubree, her and Paislee. Chelsea is pissed that no one told her about the change in plans because she wants to know where Aubree is, but also because she doesn't trust Adam. Understandably. Also annoying: Taylor's twitter followers were calling Taylor the best step-mom. "Bitch is not a stepmom," Chelsea snaps to Megan.
When Aubree comes home she doesn't even mention the new baby which has Chelsea concerned. Did she touch it? Does she know what a baby is? Did Adam remember her name? Megan dismisses it as if it's important Aubree will talk about it.
Chelsea needs guidance - and probably also money to purchase more leopard print ( I counted like 5 items in last night's episode) - so she visits Papa Randalicious. He agrees Adam needs to tell her where Aubree is spending the night and also reminds Chelsea that Aubree won't think one family is better than the other simply because Adam has a baby.
I mean we all know it's not like he's gonna be involved in that kid's life for long anyway.
Wherever Aubree is she'll love the family she's with, Randy says. Sadly Aubree seemed to be listening in on the conversation and Chelsea is only capable of spelling A-D-A-M and B-A-B-Y so…
[Photo Credits: MTV]
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS WEEK'S EPISODE? IS KAIL A BRIDEZILLA OR JUST STRESSED? IS NATHAN A GOOD INFLUENCE? IS CHELSEA OVER-REACTING ABOUT AUBREE?