On last night's episode of Real Housewives of New York, friendships got twisted as Sonja Morgan turned on Ramona Singer. Also Kristen Taekman showed us she's more than just a pretty face and definitely has some bite to her. Get'em tiger!
Ramona is doing a negligee photoshoot with her dog so Avery can hang it on her dorm wall. Right – because everyone wants a calendar of their mother in over-the-hill lingerie. Holding a dog. With crazy-eyes. You know how they always say dogs resemble their master… Sonja comes over to also take photos of herself with her dog for Avery's dorm room? She yammers on about how she's now starting a men's and women's shirt collection. Meanwhile she lets her dog drink water out of Ramona's stemware.
Sonja puts on a happy face and keeps it together – she doesn't think anyone would know from looking at her how out of control her life is. She describes herself as a cat with nine-lives (and in 8 of them she forgot to put on pants!). Oh… I dunno, when I look at Sonja, I see a trainwreck.
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Sonja is so busy blabbering she doesn't notice Ramona's increasingly crazy eyes ready to pop out of her head as the dog drinks. Then Sonja takes a sip out of the same glass.
Heather Thomson's son Jax has a bevy of illnesses – chronic lung disease, extensive food allergies, and hearing loss. He wears hearing aids, but Heather and Jon have noticed that he is still unable to hear as well lately. They take him for an evaluation where the specialist discovers he does have some additional hearing loss but it could be fixed with surgery if he's a candidate.
Heather's heart sinks, but she feels optimistic about surgery. Heather wistfully tells us, "If we could just fix one thing… " Heather is strong; poor little Jax – he's so freaking adorable.
Good news comes when they get a call from the doctor that Jax is a candidate for the surgery and with the removal of scar tissue could potentially hear without hearing aids. Heather is jubilant and ready for the ladies to stop with the "drama baloney" and get over bookgate – particularly Carole Radziwill who is obsessed.
From that moving scene we're forced to deal with Avicious Drescher. Aviva and Kristen meet at some soap making place for kids. Kristen picks up a squeezy toy whose eyes bulge out and jokes that it looks like Ramona. Aviva is offended and claims it puts her on the defensive.
Kristen starts out nicely – despite Aviva's issues with everyone she wants to get to know her. Aviva cuts Kristen off and snaps at her to stop being hostile "in front of the kids". Kristen tries to explain, but Aviva cuts her off again to tell her, "Shut the F–k up!" Seriously. Kristen's mouth drops. Someone needs to wash Aviva's mouth out with soap! And her brain.
Kristen immediately calls Aviva out on A) being a hypocrite B) trying to twist her words C) living up to what everyone says that she's narcissistic, crazy, and disconnected from reality. Aviva whines that the book argument is none of Kristen's business, and that everyone is blaming her. Aviva is the queen of excuses. Someone throw her a parade and a pageant and crown her Miss EXCUSES.
The ladies head to the Hamptons. LuAnn de Lesseps and Jacques play doubles with Ramona and Mario, who cannot get it together. If tennis is a euphemism for Ramona and Mario's marriage, Ramona is just not getting any balls.
Kristen and Josh show up but Kristen has made a country club faux pas – she is wearing TRACK shoes on Mario's clay court. She is banished, they decide to play Bocci Ball instead. In the spirit of pulling a Ramona and speaking the truth, Kristen feels she's obligated to call Ramona out on her extreme rudeness in skipping Heather's party.
Ramona blames Heather – she was the horrible bitch who would not forgive Aviva after 15 seconds and one crazy wine-laced rant about verbal rape. Kristen refuses to back down. I like this Kristen – she's spunky. Which means next season she'll take spunky too far and I'll hate her. But for now… She reminds Ramona that she took a YEAR to forgive Aviva. Ramona needs to remember not everyone is on turtle time and she cannot dictate when others forgive and forget.
Ramona seethes that Kristen should sit there, look pretty, and shut-up. Don't you wish this were a scene from Heathers and Kristen would then knock Ramona's croque ball out of the running to really cement the deal?
Then Ramona has a backyard party where with each glass of wine she pours she gets into a new argument with a different lady. Ramona starts with Kristen; demanding Kristen stay out of her business – and out of the Aviva/Heather drama. "Heather is my long-time friend," Kristen explains, but Ramona hisses a threat about who is going to defend Kristen. Kristen is not unnerved. She is serving Ramona's stone cold crazy right back to her with extra garnishes. As Ramona keeps snapping at Kristen, Kristen barks, "Can I have some Pinot now?" to shut Ramona up.
Ramona was in a bad way – she was being owned – and making as little sense as her new buddy Avicious. Ramona didn't anyone tell you, you are the company you keep? #ClassWithTheCountess
Ramona forces a glass of Ramona Rose (the newest in the Ramona Get Wasted selection) , on Sonja who takes a sip and says it "burns". Ramona's eyes bulge. On the other end of the party LuAnn is being offered Ramona Pinot by Mario. "Ramona Pinot?" she scoffs, "What else you got?"
Heather and Carole arrive. Carole is wearing a goth mummy costume and badly needs a stylist. Heather pulls Ramona aside to discuss why she was a no call/no show. "Bitch – you blew off my party," Heather chides. Ramona, pretending this is 1999 when cell service was shoddy, claims sometimes her texts don't go through.
Ramona then launches into a spiel about how Heather is a hypocrite for not forgiving Aviva immediately, Heather shoots back that at he only hypocrite she sees is Ramona. Ramona denies calling Heather a hypocrite 2 seconds before. Is Pinot sipping on Ramona Hallucinogenics?
Ramona and her acid trip from Target Junior Department dress escape Heather and then she gets into it with her one ally, her calm in midst of storm, her staunch defender. Sonja says her caburlesque show is getting rave reviews (from who – Harry Dubin?) and wants to take the show international. Ramona heard the show was "raunchy" and suggests that Sonja is spreading herself too thin with too many ventures. Sonja claims she's a comedian – that's what she does – except I think most people are laughing at her not with her.
LuAnn seconds that the act could "use a little polish." Sonja becomes furious about her unsupportive friends. "Yeah I could have been richer. I could have married better. I could have gone to a better party today," she snaps. "I could have had better friends than you guys. Coulda, shoulda, woulda."
Ramona tries to make amends with Sonja but it dissolves into a huge argument about how much Ramona has no idea what it's like to be a broke, single-mother, clinging onto a former glory. Ramona apologizes. Ramona's hair is looking as crazy as her eyes – it's reached Vicki Gunvalson category of frazzled mess. Code Yellow! Code Yellow – we need FrizzEaze and a straightening iron, stat!
With Aviva's interference (doesn't she need to stay out of Ramona's business and shut the F up), Sonja and Ramona reach peace, lick each other in some weird ritual, and hug. LuAnn tries to apologize to Sonja, but accuses LuAnn of screaming in her ear. When LuAnn leaves, Sonja snaps that she doesn't need "LuMann's" opinion. Talk about burn.
The next day Kristen hosts a clambake. Everyone looks glamorous and chic. Sonja wore her one good pair of shoes and is worried someone might steal them so she hides them in the tall grass by the pier. She gives Ramona the silent treatment.
Heather decides the time has come for Carole and Aviva to put the very toxic bookgate behind them. Aviva yanks Carole away from Mario, whom she is clinging onto like a life raft – poor Carole thrown out to sea with Jaws! They start breaking down bookgate. Unfortunately they get plateaued on semantics about who started what.
The other ladies watch from a distance, observing Housewives in the wild. Anthropology by Bravo! Heather helps mediate, but it's to no avail mainly because Carole will not stop yapping! Aviva needed to tell her to shut the F up!
LuAnn barges over and steps on Carole's foot. Housewife down! Maimed by LuAnn somebody had to be the tranquilizer dart.
Aviva whips out an advanced copy of Carole's book and claims she read it and liked it. Carole is frightened. "Word on the street is I know people," Aviva says. Carole realizes she's been SWF'd and agrees to disagree before she disappears into the ocean while everyone else is distracted by fireworks.
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – WAS SONJA OUT OF LINE TO JUMP DOWN RAMONA'S THROAT? HAS PINOT LOST IT?