The true story of Real Housewives Of New York is not what’s happening on the episode, but what’s happening on twitter while the episode is airing. Things have gone from A to F–ked with Luann de Lesseps and Carole Radziwill slamming each other something l0w-down dirty and arguing over the proclivities and scheduling conflicts of a thirty-something boy. They’re like two mommies in a custody dispute. Ladies – it’s embarrassing.
Basically Carole started dating Luann’s nieces ex-boyfriend, but didn’t tell Luann because she’s scared of what Lu will think. Even though Carole claims the niece and the fling broke up over a year ago. Interesting. Before all that cockamamie nonsense, we have to get to Sonja Morgan‘s cockamamie nonsense – and she doesn’t swallow unless its for a Black Card (or a pinot).
Calling out Heather Thomsonfor having double standards when it comes to supporting her friends’, eh, questionable choices in men, Sonja throws some shade her way: “I’m glad to see that Heathercan be supportive of someone, because she hasn’t been able to support me of recent. I’m surprised, though, that Heather was able to listen to that whole speel (sic) from Carole–doing drugs, drinking tequila, throwing up in a rickshaw, and hiding a relationship from Luann-–without making a single judgmental comment! Weren’t Heather and Carole just saying last week that I drink too much and am out of control?” She adds, “But hey, maybe Heather is finally learning to accept that some people are fun! Either that or Heather has different standards for Carole than she has for me. I’m starting to think that it is the latter and that Heather is just giving me a hard time to give me a hard time! Do you think there is an underlying factor causing this? Because we have always been cool with each other, not uncool.” Hey! No stealing the countess’s Best.Line.Ever! #becoolplagiarism
Someone at the Real Housewives Of New York emporium got a little too liberal with the Sex And The City DVDs this season. I’ve been missing my vintage Carrie Bradshaw as much as the next former 20-something girl of a certain millennium, but do we really need to re-live her life starring Carole Radziwill in My So-Called Reality Show? (Another gem of my generation).
While Carole is busy cosplaying Carrie, the other girls are busy being Housewives and starting high velocity fights over wrangled pretenses and loose indignations. Carole is riding bikes in heels around NYC, dating a boy who doesn’t wanna grow up, experimenting with drugs, getting munchies for KFC, losing her virginity <insert emoji here>, and rocking those Jordache jeans she saved all her babysitting money to buy. Life is good when mercury is in retrograde.
Lady Morgan opens with her reaction to the ladies’ commentary on her many “business” ventures whilst brunching at Bethenny Frankel’sHamptons home last episode. “Welcome back to the bitches who brunch!” says Sonja, “I’m disappointed to see that the girls are being vile and continuing to attack me and claim that I do not have legitimate business deals going on. Especially to Bethenny,who has not seen us frequently since she had little Bryn. Gawd forbid Bethenny believes this horse sh–. Luann [de Lesseps], Kristen [Taekman], Heather [Thomson], and Carole [Radiziwill]all claimed that I am not really a businesswoman, that all of my ideas are not coming to fruition, that I don’t work every day, and that I didn’t make the toaster oven.” She adds, “That should get a few laughs from those who know.” Huh? Sonja goes further down the rabbit hole of her argument, saying the girls should’t talk badly about her even if she IS deLUUUUUUSional! “But even if I was not successful and were delusional, as the girls say in Bethanny’s (sic) kitchen, what kind of friends badmouth another friend like that?”
In her latest Bravo blog, everyone’s favorite #BeCoolCountess dishes on dueling brunches, ladies’ night out at Beautique, her visit to Ramona’s apartment, and Bethenny Frankel‘s unwelcome run-in with Kelly Bensimon on this week’s episode of the Real Housewives of New York. Commenting first on Ramona Singer stealing a dress from Bethenny’s talk show back-in-the-day, Luann de Lesseps says, “Ramona does have sticky fingers when it comes to that, though. Looking back, if you remember a dressSonja (Morgan) was buying in Season 2 and how Ramona asked to “look at it” and ended up at the checkout line with it…She took it right out of her hands! Oh, Ramona…you really are a piece of work.”
As for Brunchgate, Luann maintains that one can never have too many brunch invitations, dahhhhling! “You know, I figured having two invitations to two brunches isn’t that bad of a problem, so if we went to both, we’d make everyone happy.” Lu loves Bethenny’s Hamptons home, herSkinnygirl-sponsored meal, and free giveaways!: “I really like Bethenny’s Hamptons house, and I love the red accents! Her brunch was a classic breakfast with, of course, great cocktails. B was great to entertain me and my guests with all of her SkinnyGirl flair. I thought it was really nice of Bethenny to give us some parting gifts. I took some energy bars but kept it simple and didn’t grab her appliances. Tacky much?” She’s talking to YOU, Radzi. “To each her own…” says the countess, adding that Bethenny also sent her a blender a few weeks later anyway. #wheresthefreetoasters?
Also, let’s get one thing clear – Bethenny didn’t want to host brunch to show off her Hamptons home (and really how could she being homeless and all) she wanted to show off her Skinnygirl collection.
It all begins at Luann de Lesseps‘ cozy Hamptons abode, the girls are clustered around the living room, drinking coffee and gossiping as real girlfriends do, also leisurely braiding Carole Cradziwill‘s toe hair (EWWW – isn’t that what Cindy Barshop is for – don’t you get the Real Housewives Federation Association discount on all waxations from here until the end of time – if you can manage to find your way out to Quogue.).
I don’t know about you, but I could watch a GIF of Luann de Lesseps‘ saying “Everybody be cool…don’t be all…uncool” on constant rotation right now on my TV and it wouldn’t get old. This season’s Housewives MVP for “Best Transformation From Frigid Condescending Countess to Cool Chick I’d Love to Hang Out With in the Hamptons” goes to: LUANN!
Luann starts out her Real Housewives of New YorkBravo blog this week by claiming, “This is one of my favorite episodes this season.” Citing the origins of her estate sale idea, Luann tells us that the new owners planned on building a “mega mansion” on the property and were going to tear her old house down. “So I figured: Why not sell it all? And voila! Banisters, flooring, kitchen, and bathroom fixtures…all found their way to new happy homes! It was a really great way for me to move on to the next chapter of my life, and I am loving this chapter of my life!” says Luann. She adds, “Of course, it was a little weird having people sift through my stuff, but decluttering and letting go of things I’d been holding onto for years was so freeing.”