Last night on Kandi's Wedding it was all out mommy wars! Interestingly, it seems no one in Kandi Burruss' life likes each other. Her Matron of Honor, Tan, and her Maid of Honor, Carmon cannot stand each other, Mama Joyce hates everyone and her new target is Todd Tucker's mother Sharon.
Since everything in Kandi's life is topsy-turvy and it's clear she doesn't use her words to communicate with people, she and Todd visit their pastor for some pre-marital counseling. Todd seems to be taking it seriously, but Kandi initially starts out joking around. Eventually the subject of Joyce comes up and the pastor instructs the couple not to let negative influences destroy their happiness. "Communicate before you disintegrate!"
As Kandi continues to plan her wedding, Carmon and Tan meet with her to test cakes. With all the testiness in the room, Kandi could have been tasting ice cream cake. She ignores it by scarfing down alllll the cake samples and practically licking the plate. I think we call that emotional eating. Basically Carmon thinks Tan is an uptight square who is no fun and Tan thinks Carmon is a flaky boozehound. In the battle of Carmon vs. Tan, I'm team Carmon because who doesn't like fun?
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Next they all meet at Reco's studio for dress fittings. The only think Reco has to show Kandi is the remnants of the showgirl costume he stole from Cesar's Palace. It looked like he mugged the poor girl for her sequins and feathers. Kwame, bridesman and stylist, is not impressed. Reco distracts Kandi by focusing on the lineup of which 'lady of honor' gets to be closest to the bride at the alter. He chooses Tan and explains that you can't put someone too hot next to the bride because the bride might get shown up. Reco pretends he means that Carmon's dress is crazier, but I think that was some shaaaady payback for Tan talking smack about Reco's design skills and style.
The Carmon and Tan mayhem comes to a peak over bridal shower/bachelorette party planning. Tan invites the bridal party (including Kwame) out for drinks on her tab to plan the parties. As soon as Carmon hears "drinks on Tan's tab" she changes her focus from Kandi's special day to getting crunk out of revenge. Carmon is tipping them back like it's her last night of freedom. Eventually Tan gets angry and tells Carmon she owes Mama Joyce an apology for disrespecting her in the bridal boutique. You remember the day that Mama Joyce attacked Carmon, accused her of sleeping with Todd, and yanked off her shoe? Tan needs to re-watch that episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta because I personally thought Carmon kept her composure.
Tan starts lecturing Carmon, who interrupts with "Bye Felicia!" Phaedra Parks asks, "Who's Felcia?" Why just ask Kenya Moore – Felicia is the invisible Housewife! She's very good friends with Kenya's invisible boyfriend. Tan and Carmon erupt into an argument about decades of nonsense until Weenie tells them to be quiet and remember this day is for Kandi - and if they ruin it she'll beat both their a$$es! As Weenie points out, Kandi is already dealing with enough drama! #mamajoyce. With Tan and Carmon silenced, Phaedra decides to suggest little people strippers for a truly spectacular event and gets out her entertainment attorney rolodex to make some calls.
And speaking of more drama, Todd's mother Sharon is in town for the two weeks before the wedding to help plan and spend time with her son. Sharon behaves like a normal mother – she's excited for her son and happy he found someone he loves. She embraces Kandi and wants to have a relationship with her.
Todd thinks it would be a good idea to get Mama Joyce and Sharon together before the wedding to iron out differences so there won't be drama at the wedding. Kandi has her doubts. Kandi was right to doubt. Sharon doesn't know the extent of what rumors Mama Joyce has been spreading about her, but she does know that Joyce tried to frame Todd – and she is not happy. Sharon reminds Kandi that all the problems are stemming from one place… Joyce!
Dinner starts out alright. Joyce brought Nora and Bertha with her and they are nice to Sharon. Nora really likes her, Bertha at least minds her manners. Joyce ignores Sharon. And then she finds out Sharon is staying at Kandi's for two weeks and starts ranting about how SHE isn't allowed to stay at her own daughter's house. Kandi, surprisingly, stands up to Joyce and reminds her it's because she can't stand Todd and is totally disrespectful to him – even though this is Todd's house too! Basically Kandi can't trust her mother in the house when Todd is there because Joyce gets crazy. #DatelineRealLifeMystery
That's when Sharon defends Todd and tells Joyce her shenanigans don't play with her. Mama Joyce tells Sharon to "Shut the F– up!" and the two ladies start waving fingers at each other across the table. Joyce tries to swat at Sharon as Kandi and the aunts hold her back. "You got the wrong one bitch!" Sharon snaps. GO SHARON! I am so glad to see her standing up to Joyce – that lady needs to take a seat.
As Joyce flies off the handle because Sharon suddenly, totally unprovoked, unwarranted, and disrespectfully called her a bitch out of the blue, Todd escorts his mama out of the kitchen while Kandi and the aunts talk Joyce down. Sharon says she will no longer put up with Joyce spreading lies about her son and being disrespectful to him for no reason. Meanwhile Joyce is screeching about how Sharon called her a bitch – which she does not deserve – and threatening to knock her out. At least she kept her shoe on this time! Kandi defends Todd, and points out that Sharon has been reacting to all the things Joyce has been saying – such as accusing Todd of having an affair with Carmon; claiming she heard it from some guy on the streets.
Todd comes to check on things and Joyce accuses his mother of being drunk and out of line. "She wasn't drunk – she's frustrated," Todd exclaims. "You're always being disrespectful! For every action, there's a reaction." Todd then tells a shocked Bertha and Nora that Joyce has been calling his father a pimp (Todd still does not know Joyce has been calling his mother a prostitute!). "Mama Joyce can dish it, but she can't take it," Todd explains. True, true! She's used to being able to steamroll people with her nastiness, but finally Todd (and his mother) are standing up to her antics!
Joyce refuses to take accountability but Sharon comes in and apologizes for calling Joyce a bitch. Joyce reacts by saying they're both just two bitches shaking their fingers. Look – if Joyce doesn't want to be called a bitch, don't act like one! Walks like a bitch, talks like a bitch, acts like a bitch – is probably a bitch! At least by my logic. "Let it go," Bertha demands. "We gonna have to forgive each other and start over."
Everyone agrees with that – except Joyce whose face is either permanently frozen like she just sucked a lemon, or she has no interest in letting go of drama for the sake of her daughter. Kandi notices that Joyce isn't smiling and worries that her mama still isn't ready to let go of the fight. Maybe Kandi should just sign all her money over to Joyce and that will shut her up?
Todd jokes that Kandi is pregnant and Mama Joyce almost wet her Depends clean through! She better be ready because any day now she'll never be free of Todd – (except knowing Joyce she's putting birth control in Kandi's sweet tea)!
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
TELL US – WAS SHARON OUT OF LINE FOR CALLING JOYCE A BITCH?